MONDAY #1760

Earth Expected to Be Habitable for Another 1.75 Billion Years.

That's good.....right?

Ever heard of Kinetic Sand? 98% pure sand but it’s pretty fucking cool. Don't know what the 2% is. Might want to look it up.

You know that it is only a matter of time before "Security Cameras of Wal-Mart" is a hit reality show.

My wife thought the Magna Carta was one of Christopher Columbus' ships.

“If social media made us smarter, wouldn’t we be smarter?”

Currency collectors pay handsomely for what they call “fancy” serial numbers—digits that they perceive as unusual or special. Of course all one number (7777777777), but also ones like 12341234123.

The best morning cardio ends with an orgasm.

I once had a dental hygienist who did this at night...

Of such things fantasies are born.

Let me run this by you again...

Stoners are the best cooks. Trust me.

Gypsies...

 Fuck gypsies.

I wonder how many people allow an image to touch them emotionally?

Janice "Lokelani" Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele's name is so long - containing 36 letters and 19 syllables - that it would not fit on her drivers license, but she got special permission to use two lines.

By the way, this woman looks like a "normal" person...

By the way, that's the flag of Hawaii. I had no idea.

Fuck Britain.

"Calling us patent trolls is a hate crime, now you owe us even more money."

Their latest ploy to suck more money out of people.

Average age at first sex...

Scandinavia...you got to love Scandinavia.

Scotland is about to vote on an independence referendum...finally. It been a long time since Braveheart came out.

I know this is just one person's story, but read it anyway...

My employer cut my hours from 40-50 a week down to a maximum of 28 hours a week, reducing my yearly pay by 20K. Now I have to find a second and third job to pay my bills and feed my child. Then they mailed me this letter. Thanks, Obamacare! Welcome to part-time America!

Places with severe water problems...

What if Obama works for the government?

Why are there so many fat gym teachers?

Animal with working gear...

I watched a documentary about the moment the first animal took to the air and it was determined that the key was not to look at the wings...but the legs. Legs strong enough to get the animal off the ground, yet light enough not to create a burden in flight.

We actually sent a man to the moon before someone came up with this idea.

I'm not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.

"Unless you tripped and smacked your face on the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout."

I masturbated furiously to this video and I'm proud of it....I mean, this beautiful woman sticks a dick shaped thing in one nostril and fluid comes out the other. You can't write a porn script that provocative.

And I'm sure his mother is proud...

Nobody ever came up with a world changing idea eating halibut.

Had a rough time getting through one question on my GRE and this man went to bat for me and saved the day...

I never thanked him enough.

I had to paint a mural depicting several life-size trees and I made one of these for the bark...

I used a normal roller and burned off the nap with a soldering iron.

I find these.....pleasing...

Have you seen what passes as a child size cup nowadays? Yeah, it's roughly the size of a 2 year old if they were liquified and poured in a cup.

 Darling, I don't give a shit what you wear. I just think it's a little unnatural to throw acid in a teenager's face who doesn't want to wear it.

Do you have any idea how depressing it is to realize that the animals living in my walls have more sex than I do?

When times are slow, aliens anal probe each other...starting with the weakest and least popular...

I bet you didn't know that.

Every time I see someone this glamorous, I think about how silly she looks picking pubic hair out of her mouth...

But maybe that's just me.

Every time I see graffiti in a bathroom, I think, "Who poops with markers?"

I agree with this...

I don't trust people who can bite their ice cream cone without flinching. That shit just ain't natural.

Clever is as clever does...

The most well known assassins are the worst assassins.


This is exactly how all sidewalk placement should be done...

They did exactly that at the University of South Carolina. They removes all barriers and sidewalks and let the pedestrians go where they wanted for a semester. Then they put the sidewalks back down along the paths...the more well trodden the wider.

Cell phones are ( or should be) a tool not a lifestyle…

…and if your phone is your lifestyle, then you’re the tool.

AND THEN THERE'S THIS...

I’ve always thought it is weird that “keeping busy” is considered to be a good thing in our society. Usually, if someone tells you they’re “keeping busy” you say, “oh, that’s good.” I always want to respond, “oh, I’m so sorry to hear that.” But in our society it seems that if you’re not constantly “doing something” then you are, by definition, being “lazy.”

We’ve become ‘human doings’ and not ‘human beings’.