About Me

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I'm an artist, educator, militant anti-theist , and I write. I gamble on just about anything. And I like beer...but I love my wife. This blog contains observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while.

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

TUESDAY #1761


Meanwhile in Kenya...
...if you couldn't name the prophet's mother, they shoot you.
What must that child have seen?

iPhone 5s finger print already hacked!
"We hope that this finally puts to rest the illusions people have about fingerprint biometrics. It is plain stupid to use something that you can´t change and that you leave everywhere every day as a security token," said somebody who seemed to know what the hell they were talking about.




My Packers scored 30 unanswered points and STILL MANAGED TO LOSE THE FUCKING FOOTBALL GAME!!!!

The most high-fidelity search for methane on Mars has turned up none, a result that significantly reduces the chances of finding microbial life on the Red Planet. 


Pope attacks global economics for worshipping 'god of money' as he sat on a gold throne holding a gold wand surrounded by artwork worth untold billions.


I made a funny at Buffalo Wild Wing on Sunday. The bar has about a dozen TV sets, but for whatever reason, the Baltimore game was only on in the restaurant behind us on the other side of a half wall. Well, we didn't know that at the time. So when the party of Baltimore fans cheered wildly, all of us in the bar were searching our TV's for what the fuck happened. Dozens of us were looking at other tables with our palms in the air in confusion when I said, "It's like watching porn where the audio and the video aren't in sinc." I was given an ovation for that bit of wit.





I would really love to hear two owls try to tell a knock, knock joke?



There are people who live on these boats...
When you think about it, it could be awesome. Your room and laundry are cleaned for you. You can eat great food in your room if you want. Plenty of entertainment. You get a whole new group of neighbors every couple of weeks. You visit exotic places.

A piece of the World Trade Center in Newfoundland...

Getting too drunk today is just borrowing happiness from tomorrow.


Happy Soviet soldier with bronze head of Hitler...
Hitler not so much.

People love to ask retired people what they "do". I tell them I have a hobby and when they ask what it is, I say, "Public urination."


A picture I would have bet money didn't exist...

South Carolina just voted the mosquito the state bird.



If a girl tells you she has a nipple ring, the correct response is: I don't believe you.


The first photo of a human being...
 He's standing very still on the street corner, while the moving traffic is invisible due to the extraordinary long exposure time.

Next time you are in a fancy French restaurant, ask for ketchup and then watch his face change.


The first photographic hoax...he faked his own suicide...

We all masturbate in the same language....loneliness.



I'll bet money this is not painted on. It's large scale computer print out, stripped and glued on...

 Need to fire a mortar? There's an app for that...


All rain dances work if you don't stop dancing until it rains.


I find this absolutely extraordinary...
....and very beautiful. It's like architectural porn.

Who was the person that passed up the opportunity to call German currency "Germoney"?



A picture is worth 1,000 words...but rarely tells the full story...


If you took off from earth and put a mirror on a distant planet 10 light years away, then came back and looked through a telescope at the mirror, would you see yourself 20 years ago?


I think the whole Big Bang description was the worse public relations disaster ever to spring on "laymen". People laugh at the idea of "something from nothing". 
BTW - I'm leaning toward black holes being the recycler of it all. You can't just toss around a term like "singularity" without me making a connection.

Don't fall for the hype. We...you and I...are safer than any people to ever have lived...

There is a huge difference between deciding to fight and knowing when you will be victorious.




Guy on Wheel of Fortune took his guess with $1M on the line. The answer was Corner Curio Cabinet. He pronounced the last word…cabnet...like ever Southerner ever born and was denied his prize.
Fuck Wheel of Fortune.




A friend of mine told me he let his cat drink a whole can of Red Bull and it stayed awake for two whole hours.


Guy in a classroom reading a IHOP menu...


The Rule: You say “Long story short”, then you have 10 seconds….tops.



Old news, but still headline with words never put in that order before...


Oh, look, me and Stevie have something else in common...




How could there be a gunman in the Navy Yard when Washington DC has such strict gun laws?

I remember when all porn stars had feet like this, from walking around the warehouse where the film was made...


Only kids count sleep to fall asleep. Count your debts, your mistakes, your heartache and cry yourself to sleep like a grownup.



Yes, I could look at this every day of my life...


I asked my wife if she would like to live in Jurassic Park times. She said, “1993?”


Because we want to be unique, that's why...

And she probably got mad at the guy for noticing....jeeeeeez....


I asked a guy with an eye patch “Was it all fun and games up to that point?”



A show of hands...


I’m dirty. I’m lazy. And I don’t wear pants. And she married me anyway.



I replace forgotten memories with stuff I make up.


Just in case you need a little help...
Who knew?


I can’t remember what happened after that...


Whenever I trim my beard I have an irrational fear that I will suddenly acquire alien hand syndrome and cut off my mustache.


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!!!!!

Neck rotation thing in 5...4...3...
And you know, no matter what, it's going to be his fault.

Size of average soldier...


Sometimes I think I’m too picky, but then I watch my dog look for a place to shit.


Do the walls look waaaaaaay too thin to you?
Seriously. Way, way too thin.


The next time you think that you’ve made a big mistake, just remember, in 1788 the Austrian army attacked itself and lost 10,000 men.




Scientists at Oxford University have discovered a new object that may prove that space and time are but illusions. They call this object the bong.


AND THEN THERE'S THIS...
 "Capitalism has been doing exactly what it was designed to do: concentrating wealth in the ownership class, while providing the mass of workers with just enough wages to feed, house and clothe themselves.
The United States will never again be as wealthy as it was in the 1950s and ’60s. Never again will 18-year-olds graduate directly from high school to jobs that pay well enough to buy a house and support a family."

And whose fault is this? Yours and mine for allowing it to happen. They enact every fucking law to make the rich richer and we plead for the scraps...just like we have been taught to do.






3 comments:

Unknown said...

You don't suppose Lennon and Nimoy are shopped do you...

http://spockhorror.deviantart.com/art/Spock-s-Coolness-275418242

Ralph Henry said...

Is it not still a "picture"? If not, then what is it?

Unknown said...

Well, I suppose I'd go more with portrait, as my own internal definition differentiates the two...

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