TUESDAY #1956

As a world class fried chicken eater, this hit close to home...

When decorating our home, my wife placed these four items in this spot because "they are all round". That worked for me.

 Then I happened to be entertaining a person who happened to be a Mason and he went nuts over this flat topped hat...

I found this hat, along with an elaborate coat, medals and sash, as the sole item hanging in my small attic. I found it odd, since there is one tiny hole used for access to the attic. But my friend knew what the hat was...the highest rank among the Masons...The Knights Templar.
I had no idea there was still such a thing.

In my city, parking is a real problem in the popular shopping and entertainment center called 5 Points...

I noticed that there was a small space too small for another parking place, but too big to include in the adjacent parking spot, and.......it had no yellow curb...

 My cart fits in there perfectly....and I have cleared it through the police and meter readers. It's like my own personal parking place all day every day...

Many people think the front of my cart looks like a smiling face...

 Did you notice my addition?

It gets A LOT of attention. I'm asked, "Is that a BMW?!"
I just look them right in the eye, nod, and say, "Prototype."
If they just walk off, they walk off, but if they hang around I add, "Oooooor, I paid a buck eight-six for a BMW emblem on line and just screwed it on myself."
Then we laugh.

Bitchcraft – The art of pissing people off while smiling sweetly. 

I used to think I was an over-reactor. But then I realized it was a normal reaction to an abnormal amount of bullshit.

OOMVO...

I didn’t watch 12 Years A Slave today because I wanted to masturbate later without feeling guilty.

God-Fearing – A synonym of humorless.

I find poker players that are overly emotive very irritating...

I ate a whole can of alphabet soup and then had an epic vowel movement.

Sun activated shades.

23.2 pound lobster…grow forever, but have to eat more and more.

Had to drill a hole in a brick wall to hang some art and it became boring quickly.

This poses more questions than I care to think about...

My grandfather always said, “Don’t spend it all in one place,” then spent all of his at the liquor store.

Maya Hayuk's mural on the Bowery Wall in New York City in 2014.

Sent to me by avid reader, Scott...a wood carving shop with all your needs...

Can colorblind people taste green tea?


I have no words...

Every time I see a girl with a “Only god can judge me” tattoo, I know she’s a slut.

So, how would you solve this problem?

 ...put one in your mouth or try to bounce it?

How would you walk into a store and order more of this color?

 I would just take the empty spool and point to the name.

 

OOMVO....

What's black and never works?
Decaffeinated coffee you racist bastard.

Oh, me oh my....

I think that honest people like me hate liars the most.

I woke up this morning ready to carpe the fucking shit out of this diem…then inertia took over and I was powerless under its sway.

There is something very alluring about abandoned buildings...

Note that the pillars are made of shaped brick. We have those on the campus of South Carolina. I find them very attractive.

The next one looks like it was designed by a committee...but I still like it...

 Squashed marshmallow bunny kind of looks like Kim Jon-Un...

He should just admit that going back to bed is his best option...

My wife told me that many of my posts contain an embarrassing amount of misspelled words. I'm sorry, but if spellcheck doesn't pick it up, then you will just have to deal with it. I'm a very busy man and I type very, very fast.

This guy has some great quotes...

“Everything is ridiculous if one thinks of death.” 

- Tommy Bernhard

Very disturbing camel toe...

We are hurtling through space at over 

a million miles an hour....said somebody important...

 Being a visual kind of guy, I love seeing things diagramed so that they can be more easily understood.

I could not agree less. I am agog in my excitement of the World Cup start....and I mean that.

 But we all hate this sissy-ass faking injury bullshit...

I forgot to tell my wife I loved her for three days, which is like a year in girl years.

I never want to see another naked man.

For all you PhD's out there...

Every child needs one of these...

OOMVO...

Me when someone tries to manipulate one of my dollar bill sculptures...

Some people just want to watch the world burn...

So who got to the people who service our internet? And why?
Further...

The National Security Agency knew for at least two years about the software flaw, Heartbleed, that has left countless individuals vulnerable to hackers, but the agency failed to alert the public and instead used the weakness to gather intelligence, Bloomberg News reported Friday.