WEDNESDAY #1964

Family's car caught on fire in a lion preserve...

 "Glaciers are commonly thought to work like a belt sander," a news release from the University of Vermont says. "As they move over the land they scrape off everything — vegetation, soil and even the top layer of bedrock."

That's why researchers from several universities and NASA say they were "greatly surprised" to find signs that an ancient tundra had been preserved beneath 2 miles of ice in Greenland, in a study that was published this week in the journal Science.

It's sort of like Diver's Reflex, the thing that saved my daughter after being under cold water for 20 minutes.

The Borgata Hotel Casino & Space is suing World Series of Poker star Phil Ivey for nearly $10 million for using what they claim are "imperfect" playing cards that gave Ivey a leg up. Borgata is also going after Gemaco, Inc., makers of the playing cards.

The Obama administration has lost a high-stakes lawsuit brought against it by the New York Times and the ACLU over its refusal to divulge the legal basis for its extrajudicial assassination program against US citizens. The Obama administration declared that it had the right to assassinate Americans overseas, far from the field of battle, on the basis of a secret legal theory. When it refused to divulge that theory in response to Freedom of Information Act requests, the Times and the ACLU sued. The Second Circuit Court of Appeals has found in the Times's and ACLU's favor. The Obama administration had insisted that the legal memo in question was protected as a national security secret. However, the court found that because the administration had made statements about the memo, assuring the public that the assassinations were legal, it had waived its right to keep the memo a secret. There's no work on whether the administration will appeal to the Supreme Court.

EARTH DAY THOUGHTS...
Happy Earth Day to all remaining species that managed to survive Mother Earth's homocidal furry.
I conserve energy on Earth Day by letting my wife be on top.
I hope my observance of Earth Day will make polar bears hate us less.
I plan to celebrate Earth Day by only smoking pot that was grown outdoors.
A simple way to reduce shower time is masturbating beforehand.
But I wonder if the next planet we destroy will also get its own holiday. Seriously, this Earth Day let's all remember the importance of protecting every part of the planet...except Florida. Fuck Florida.

I think the most embarrassing way to die would be from a peanut allergy.

I'll do a lot of things for money, but I draw the line at working.

Pocket-sized printer that moves itself...

The Amazing Spiderman was directed by Marc Webb and if that isn't the greatest thing ever, then I don't know what is.

Dog stops mom from hitting kid with shoe...

Can you imagine a cat doing that?

You know what I'd like to see?
Inglorious Bastards: The Musical

OOMVO...

Yes, that is the dog's hair, trimmed by a "pro"...

Helen Keller walks into a bar....then a table...and then a chair.

On sale...

I can't believe the government is reading my emails. I don't even read my emails.

 Clever classified ad page...

 It's a kitchen.

Innovation at its best...

I’ve never put my finger in another man’s mouth.

 At least he's honest...

They said laughter is the best medicine, but diarrhea must be immune.

I am often concerned that I shouted SHUT THE FUCK UP out loud instead of just in my head.

Wife's out of town and I'm enjoying my total lack of adult supervision. I just had a Slim Jim for dinner....at a strip club.

 OOMVO...

Earth has always been supremely hostile to life. That’s why more than 95% of all species that ever lived are now extinct.

This lady is being interviewed on live TV concerning crime in her neighborhood when a thief stole the necklace right off her neck...

How very, very true...

 That from Elvis' Jailhouse Rock and I don't think they had co-ed prisons back then.

When someone is murdered, the police investigate the spouse first. And that tells you everything you need to know about marriage.

This man is unaware that his girlfriend (probably EX-girlfriend) fell off the motorcycle and he is dragging her through town...

I was making some drawings as I was being driven down back roads. I broke my lead and I asked my wife if she had a pencil sharpener. She said, "I might have one."

 Or aliens.

Joblessness is no longer just for philosophy majors. Useful people are now feeling the pinch.

My wife is a lady with the vocabulary of a well educated sailor.

 I watched this documentary. At one point she had one hand in America and one in Europe....more or less.

People will regret letting a computer be their children’s babysitter.

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
What if I cut off your leg? Would that make you stronger? Would it?!

I used to own and drive a truck very much like this one. I sold it for $500.

I minored in ceramics in college and still miss that I gave it up...

Finally cleaned my office. Found the remote to a TV I owned in 1983, the cure for cancer and the missing Malaysian plane.

China’s breaking international law by not letting Hong Kong have real elections, but there’s not much anybody can do about it.

 That last image is scary as fuck.

Think about this a minute...

 ...and if you didn't pick Mozart, you might want to rethink.

A study suggests that the three most painful places to get stung by a bee are, in descending order: the nostril, the upper lip, and the penis.

"Despite the seemingly strong empirical support in previous studies for theories of majoritarian democracy, our analyses suggest that majorities of the American public actually have little influence over the policies our government adopts. Americans do enjoy many features central to democratic governance, such as regular elections, freedom of speech and association, and a widespread (if still contested) franchise. But, ..." and then they go on to say, it's not true, and that, "America's claims to being a democratic society are seriously threatened" by the findings in this, the first-ever comprehensive scientific study of the subject, which shows that there is instead "the nearly total failure of 'median voter' and other Majoritarian Electoral Democracy theories [of America]. When the preferences of economic elites and the stands of organized interest groups are controlled for, the preferences of the average American appear to have only a minuscule, near-zero, statistically non-significant impact upon public policy."