FOLIO OLIO: SATURDAY #1995

Lots of stuff happening...
Tonight my wife joined me at one of my favorite bars for dinner and we had a great time. Anytime I am in public with my wife, I call it "Holding Court", because no matter where she goes, there are so many people wanting to talk to her that THEY STAND IN LINE!
Anyway, I met the woman who, shortly after my 'unfortunate incident', brought me chocolate chip cookies. It was my most treasured gift and I told her so. She was so pleased with my pleasure that she promised to bring me more. A true angel.

Then I was talking to a guy whose friend had played "Tattoo Roulette", where you pay money to pick three random pieces of paper out of a jar, each with an object inscribed, and the tattoo artist designs a tattoo composed of those three objects...I have mentioned this before. But what made this story memorable is that the guy picked: Rope, Ship, and Penis. He paid an extra $20 to swap one of his picks. Now guess which one he swapped......THE SHIP!!!

Another guy, during a long conversation, told me that the best piece of advice his father ever gave him was "Only commit one crime at a time." His comment was centered around smuggling drugs (if your truck is full of weed, don't speed), but I think it applies across the spectrum. If you are kind of drunk, don't have an open container in your car. If you have pot growing in your back yard, don't have loud parties. I think it is an excellent rule of thumb.

Another man told me about training the fierce Gurkha warriors who aided the US in Vietnam, in a mission behind enemy lines where they were supposed to jump out of an airplane. The Gurkha commander asked if he could talk to his troops before they committed. After the consultation he came back with three conditions.
1. The plane must go very slow.
2. They would only jump in a soft environment.
3. They wanted the plane to fly no higher than 100 feet.
The US commander assured them that the plane always flew as slow as possible. That they would jump over the jungle, which should be soft. But they had to fly above 100 feet or the parachutes wouldn't have time to open.
Hearing that, all the Gurkha's smiled and said, "Parachutes?! Oh, then we are good with that!"
That was told to me as a true story, and I so hope that it is.

So, I got my first tattoo today.

It's Latin for "Seek and you shall find"...more or less.
I told the guy I wanted it to look like a prison tat that I had done myself...and I think he nailed it...notice the imperfections. I DID NOT want it to look like a font I just picked off the internet.
While in prison, a good friend of mine used a needle and ballpoint pen ink to self tattoo and I rather liked it. So.....

I think with practice and hard work, a teenage girl can even.

Yes, that Jack Daniels.

Wind turbines...

These are similar to the turbines powering Jay Leno's airplane hanger-sized garage where he keeps his auto collection. It doesn't matter which way the wind is blowing. I can only assume there is a downside.

Maybe yes, maybe no. But it is a neat thing to think about.

Emergency evacuation. These people do not make enough money...

That is one badass dog...

Ladies, what words would you use to describe this...

Deforming their bodies so men would find them attractive.
But look, their feet remain unmutilated...

Unlike most of yours...

And don't tell me that they don't hurt. I've been married to two women and when they come home, the first thing they do is this...

There is no such thing as a woman that isn't crazy, so, guys, pick the amount of crazy you can tolerate and marry her.

Believe it or not, many in the town oppose any name change.

This is me every time my wife begins a conversation with "Ha! You won't believe what Ralph did one time..."

I ate in a restaurant housed in an old jail. This isn't it, but it was pretty much just like this...

My #1 Main Man, Billy, is teaching in a public school and heard his principal pronounce this play as Less Miz-er-ables...

I remember the exact day I found out that vaginal chemistry being acidic enough to bleach my black underwear.

What do you get when you inject human DNA in a goat?
Banned from the petting zoo.

"...in a dream..." Do sane people follow the advice they get in dreams?

Photography...

Very heavy lines from children's movies...

Street Art I can tolerate...

Apparently, birthing pools are very popular in China nowadays. It gives a more relaxed, natural birth experience, plus it's really handy if the baby turns out to be a girl.