TUESDAY #1998

LOTS OF NEWSY THINGS TODAY...

It says, "Pope, we need someone to speak about justice."

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 I should of thought of that.

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In case you missed it...

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My nephew's smoker broke, so he (a self-proclaimed Georgia redneck) made his own...

Seems like everything turned out just fine...

At least my sister thought so...

If I believed in angels, they would all look like that woman....only cleaner.

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Ever wondered what's going on in the Balkan region of flooding. Here's an interesting article:

http://boingboing.net/2014/05/26/balkans.html

The asteroid that exploded last year over Chelyabinsk, Russia, leaving more than 1,000 people injured by flying glass and debris, collided with another asteroid before hitting Earth, new research by scientists shows.

I must be a fucking genius!

Perfect looping...

A sophisticated hacking group recently attacked a U.S. public utility and compromised its control system network, but there was no evidence that the utility's operations were affected, according to the Department of Homeland Security.

Can you speall Cyberpocalypse, boys and girls?

Photographs that just make you think...

Sometimes after a few beers, I like to lay in my backyard naked in hopes Google Earth is updating.

When it's 120 degrees in the shade...

 It still beats 130 degrees in the sunshine.

What a great gag...

I can picture a world without war; a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world because they would never expect it.

Does shit like this drive you up the wall?

 Yeah, me, too.

One day, long, long ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag or complain, but that was a long time ago and it was just that one day.

 Long wondered why women are arrested for showing their nipples, but men escape punishment. I would think the Supreme Court would call that sexism...flat out.

On the outside I may appear like an emotionless sarcastic piece of shit, but just like an onion, when you peel off more layers you find the exact same thing every time and you start crying.

One Of My Very Own...

Oh, look, words made of fat letters...how original...

But they will grow out of it. I believe that. Greater things are coming from these young people.

There are more than 500 “fucks” said in The Wolf of Wall Street.” That’s like getting a voicemail from Alec Baldwin.

Drunk is the new black.

PLUTO: Still not a planet.

OOMVO...

"Liz from HR just called me in. I guess my thigh gap is distracting everyone, like that's my fault."

“By saying that our leaders are power-drunk chimpanzees, am I in danger of wrecking the morale of our soldiers fighting and dying in the Middle East? Their morale, like so many lifeless bodies, is already shot to pieces. They are being treated, as I never was, like toys a rich kid got for Christmas.” — Kurt Vonnegut

I really enjoyed "True Detectives"....

 Have no idea what the show will have next, but can't imagine it being as good as those guys.

A measure of what we consider beautiful?

I taught my students that as a general rule, the nose, lip and chin are in alignment. When they tried it, some student's alignment was far off...but these students were the most unattractive students in the class. Just sayin'.

 If you count the accounts of adherents as documentation. The accounts passed down orally for hundreds of years, translated from language to language countless times, and negating the selection and omission of accounts by the Catholic Church.

A Tuesday well wasted.

Get it?

 Hint: A famous book title.

I would like to thank Chipotle for forcing my hand on dealing with my public restroom anxiety.

Afterwards it kind of looks like he laughs that villain laugh...

I don’t always watch the news in the morning, but when I do I end up drinking all day.

I knew a man who took two friends home with him (all of them very drunk) and the man’s wife threw him through the window onto the lawn. (true)

I once read that a curve ball was just an illusion. Yeah, right...

Carved root...

If I had a pet duck, I would name it Peking.

Fuck the fall. I'm more concerned about having the chainsaw pushed into my chest...

I was going to put this in my OOMVO file, but realized it was a very nice photograph...

Girl: What color are my eyes?

Guy: 34C.

Feel Good Workshop...

I don’t give a shit what vegans eat. Cannibals on the other hand…

Am I the only one who forgets what show they’re watching during the commercials?

Randall Munroe's xkcd Phone has the greatest warning label of all time: "Presented in partnership with Qualcomm, Craigslist, Whirlpool, Hostess, LifeStyles, and the US Chamber of Commerce. Manufactured on equipment which also processes peanuts. Price includes 2-year Knicks contract. Phone may extinguish nearby birthday candles. If phone ships with Siri, return immediately; do not speak to her and ignore any instructions she gives. Do not remove lead casing. Phone may attract/trap insects; this is normal. Volume adjustable (requires root). If you experience sudden tingling, nausea, or vomiting, perform a factory reset immediately. Do not submerge in water; phone will drown. Exterior may be frictionless. Prolonged use can cause mood swings, short-term memory loss, and seizures. Avert eyes while replacing battery. Under certain circumstances, wireless transmitter may control God."

 The only thing that keeps me going is that the government is inept....