FOLIO OLIO: MONDAY #2003

Am I the only one that develops an intense hatred of those 790 people who stole your first choice of user name?

I know exactly how to do this as efficiently as possible...

Here's a detail...

I like the permanence of mosaics.

Unlike this one...

That image is glued on and it reeks of temporary.

Remember when we spent an entire year learning cursive? That’s why other countries are winning.

If you wanted sex to last longer, you shouldn’t have sucked it first.

A repeat of that one photo that looks like two...

I just want to make enough money to never have to think twice about adding guacamole.

I want to meet this guy...

If something is described as indescribable, is it then describable?

TRUE STORY: I was offered a job teaching art in that prison. I was told that I could not bring in any pencils, pens, rulers, or anything that could be used to make a tool. I suggested clay and they said no - they could make a fake gun out out it.

They further said that I would have to go through 12 checkpoints before being allowed access to the prisoner...one so sensitive that it would pick up the eyelets in my shoes...so no metal eyelets.

I turned down the job.

Does anyone else get sad when you see that the alarm on your phone says you have to wake up in 23 hours?

All jobs are racist against people who don’t have skills.

The shortest war in history was between Zaznibar and England…Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

Watched “Sanctum” – a survival movie about spelunking. Just another thing I would never, ever do. It also taught me not to trust rich people – something I had more or less figured out for myself a long time ago.

You have just begun reading the sentence you just finished reading.

My wife's idea of heaven...

Oh, internet, you did it to me again, you old trickster...

This may or may not be true, but perhaps we should all act as if it is...

THINGS THAT ACTUALLY EXIST...

Have you ever survived one of my blogs without yawning?

OOMVO...

I once had a goldfish that could break dance on the carpet…but only for about 20 minutes.

Every time you find some humor in a difficult situation, you win.

Some Grandma's are better than others...

PEOPLE NOT LIKE US...

This man was pitching a book titled "Hubris"....

He pronounced it Hub-rees.

And sadly and lastly, but true, this man is not like us...

At the beach, life is different.

Have a friend whose 3 year old can unlock an iphone, open and close their favorite apps all by themselves. When I was that age I was eating dirt.

As a school teacher, I strongly encouraged my student not to be a snitch by telling them it was my job to nab mischief makers and not theirs.

The exception was someone that was likely to cause harm to someone else or themselves.

Photography...

I don’t normally take a shit with the door open, but I didn’t want to miss the in-flight movie.

Along the Tour de France route...

Back in my day there were only 150 Pokemon.

I wonder who coined the phrase “coined the phrase”?

I have a dear friend who was in her husband's funeral procession down an interstate when she realized she was out of gas. So she told the driver, her son, to pull off. They got gas then sped greatly to catch up and take up her rightful spot behind the hearse.