TUESDAY #2060

In some golfing cultures, particularly Japan and the UK, golfers who sink a ball in one shot are expected to throw a party. They should, at minimum, treat everyone in their group to drinks back at the clubhouse. In more extreme cases, social standards compel successful golfers to host lavish celebrations costing thousands of dollars. That's why some golfers purchase insurance to protect themselves from an unfortunate hole-in-one.

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I read that 1 in 25 New Yorkers are millionaires.

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(I so love news like that!) **********

Demonstrating against Gaza deaths...I think that's in Stockholm...but don't know for sure....but does it matter?

BELLY DANCING....

You may be wondering why I included that clip in my newsy bits section. Well, I couldn't throw a dead cat on line without hitting that clip and thought I just might send it to you before somebody sent it to you on Facebook in like an hour or so.

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Virginia is one of the 20 states that have opted out of the Affordable Care Act’s Medicaid expansion, shrugging off nearly 700 million federal dollars because of Republican opposition in the state’s House of Delegates. That refusal has left some 400,000 Virginians, many of whom have lost their jobs in the area’s ailing coal industry, without access to affordable health insurance, and dependent on free treatment options—few and far between—like the gratis clinics and medical caravans that roam the poor. These people have waited for over 24 hours in the rain for one such caravan.

(I did not vet this)

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Now THAT'S a sling....

The easiest man in the world to hate....at the moment...

I had 2 big surprises last night. That Thai Massage Parlor downtown is actually a brothel.

Thai’s don’t take constructive criticism very well at all.

I was going to caption this image for One Of My Very Own... Then I looked into his eyes.

You don’t get the ass you want by sitting on the ass you have.

As someone who endured marriage counseling from a female therapist, I can attest to the discomfort of having her roll her eyes at you after your wife tells her of something egregious you had done. At that point you know you're pretty much fucked.

I feel sorry for you British people. You take a 10 hour flight to somewhere in Canada and there's STILL FRENCH PEOPLE! Like how fucking far do you have to go to get away from them?
(Dear French Viewers, That was a joke...and not even one of mine)

 My wife's selfie with her homeless friend, Peggy...

My wife is the one on the left.

My wife puts the hot in psychotic.

I find this rather sad...

How many decades of knowing someone before it's rude to ask what their name is?

 Photography...

The worst part of quitting drinking is how few excuses you have for your behavior.

If you are married, you will find this humorous...

I've found that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery... until you try to flatter someone in a wheelchair.

 Don't be embarrassed by that colostomy bag...

Somebody told me that the movie Titanic lasted 194 minutes, which was the actual time it took the ship to sink. Is that true?

If you own a dog, you will find this humorous...

If there's a "heavens no" and a "hell yes", shouldn't there be a "purgatory maybe"?

Taking a screenshot in 1983...

I illegally downloaded the "You wouldn't steal a television" music from the video that plays at the beginning of the DVD.

On-line product evaluation...

I should have thought of this during my nail painting phase...

What's the recommended age to teach your child that Google has every answer to their homework?

There is an unopened can of beer in this Walmart bathroom stall. I am currently re-evaluating just how much self respect I have.

What a great idea...

Even the nicest people have their limits. Don't try to reach that limit, because the nicest people are also the scariest son of a bitches when they've had enough.
Demons run when a good man goes to war. There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in a storm; a night with no moon; and the anger of a gentle man.

Yeah, I know a little German...

My wife has begun to experiment more during sex. Last night while she was on top, she turned her head 360 degrees while screaming "The anti-Christ has awoken!"
(that's a visual joke....maybe you had to be there)

TRUE: I used to teach children this viscous...

 It would take over six months to ship them out to a special school because there was a certain number of documented incidences that had to occur. Meanwhile, other children were being terrorized....daily.

Pity that...but rules are rules.

I don't like to brag, but I get in the shower BEFORE turning the water on.

Earthquake probability in South Carolina?...who knew...

One person contains enough meat to feed another person for about a month.

I’m in therapy to learn how to deal with people who should be in therapy.

 OOMVO...

When humanity finally encounters alien life, what do you think will be the first thing Japan does with it?

 Shit you don't see every day...

How does a woman carry a child in her stomach for 9 months, go through all the pain, then hold it in her arms and name it Laquisha?

I don't trust any measure of self-worth that involves numbers.

Joaquin Phoenix’s forehead…

"I was working on a case and it took longer than I had anticipated." I say that when they don't know I'm talking about a case of beer.

You can’t fix stupid, but you can sedate it.

How things have changed...

A man brutally murders two people and nobody bats an eye. It takes the same man 2 hours to die from lethal injection and everybody loses their minds.

 This is me when my wife calls me in to look at the shit she just took...

How long it must have taken...

“I just find it funny how…”

Every cringing husband’s worst lead-in.

Life is a party, so enjoy yourself quick before somebody asks who invited you.

Yeah, we get that you did something you regret...

 ...but if you don't put your pants on real quick you are going to regret it again.

Shakespeare, Y U no use normal words?

 Damn, he's good!

Sometimes the thoughts in my head get so bored they go out for a stroll through my mouth.
This is rarely a good thing.

Public Art...

Yeah, yeah, I’ll kill Hitler soon, but first there are some witty comebacks I must go back and deliver first.

If I come home to find the eggs and bread at the bottom of the bag one more time, I'm going to stop using self-checkout.

If there is a parallel universe for every possibility, why hasn’t one of them invented a way to travel to ours?

Why are galaxies spiral....explained...

Today I heard a woodpecker call me a paranoid weirdo in Morse Code.

AND THEN THERE'S THIS...
A free game you have to more or less figure out yourself. Try it, you'll like it...
http://gameaboutsquares.com/