ANTI-SERMON #2086

NEWSY STUFF

It is known to the US government that some of the members of ISIS have downloaded "Islam For Dummies".
Let that sink in.


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How dry is it in California?

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 The thinking is that it's caused by an underground river instead of earthquake.

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 My closest advisor thinks I've got the whole Palestinian thing backwards and it's the Jews' fault....

 Maybe yes, maybe no, but how fucking stupid do you have to be to pick a fight with someone whom you KNOW can kick your ass?

 Pin pricks to a giant who can bring all hell to your neighborhood. I just don't get it.

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NOW THE WEEKLY MESSAGE FROM THE UNCHURCHED....

Catholic archbishop Paul Coakley has sued a satanist group over stolen wafers that represent the transubstantiated body of Christ. A promise by the satanists that their forthcoming "sacrifice" would comply with public urination laws appears not to have mollified him.

So let's let the bible speak for itself, shall we...

Interesting word "statutes". Sounds unequivocal....

You will be pledged to be married to a woman, but another will take her and rape her. You will build a house, but you will not live in it. You will plant a vineyard, but you will not even begin to enjoy its fruit. Your ox will be slaughtered before your eyes, but you will eat none of it. Your donkey will be forcibly taken from you and will not be returned. Your sheep will be given to your enemies, and no one will rescue them. . . . The Lord will afflict your knees and legs with painful boils that cannot be cured, spreading from the soles of your feet to the top of your head. Deuteronomy 28:30-31,35

•                When a woman has a discharge, if her discharge in her body is blood, she shall continue in her menstrual impurity for seven days; and whoever touches her shall be unclean until evening. Everything also on which she lies during her menstrual impurity shall be unclean, and everything on which she sits shall be unclean. Leviticus 15: 19-20

When men fight with one another, and the wife of the one draws near to rescue her husband from the hand of him who is beating him, and puts out her hand and seizes him by the private parts, then you shall cut off her hand. Deuteronomy 25:11-12

Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some boys came out of the town and jeered at him. “Get out of here, baldy!” they said. “Get out of here, baldy!” He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the boys. 2 Kings 2:23-25

Now therefore, kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman who has known man intimately. But all the girls who have not known man intimately, spare for yourselves.Numbers 31:17-18

You may purchase male or female slaves from among the foreigners who live among you. You may also purchase the children of such resident foreigners, including those who have been born in your land. You may treat them as your property, passing them on to your children as a permanent inheritance. You may treat your slaves like this, but the people of Israel, your relatives, must never be treated this way. Leviticus 25:44-46

No one whose testicles are crushed or whose penis is cut off shall be admitted to the assembly of the LORD. Deuteronomy 23:1

Do you actually think the creator of the whole universe wrote that shit? Deep down, I know you don't.