THURSDAY #2146

Tonight I got what can only be described as the worse news that I never thought I would get. I'm fine, the wife is fine, and my children are fine....but other loved ones are far, far from fine.....and there is nothing I can think of to make it better.

NEWSY BITS...



A woman attempts mouth-to-mouth resuscitation for the soldier shot at the Canadian War Memorial in Ottawa.

CANADA!? Has the entire world gone insane?

Seriously, I'm sorry that happened to you guys. Don't let it fuck you up too much.

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Engineers create real Back to the Future hoverboard and it really works...

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1942 Nazi U-Boat Found 30 Miles Off North Carolina Coast

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A Palestinian boy looks at statues that are made of fiberglass and covered with clay by Palestinian artist Eyad Sabbah, which are depictions for the Palestinians who fled their houses from Israeli shelling during the most recent conflict between Israel and Hamas, in the east of Gaza City October 21, 2014. 

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Genius app instantly solves math problems by using a phone's camera...

It's amazing how I've been able to train my family to expect so little from me.

I saw a homeless man and gave him $1.00.
I saw a homeless woman and gave her $0.77.

An airport is the most overpriced and inconvenient bar in any city.

I love how there is an organization called W.H.O that is filled with doctors.

Girls just wanna have fun...

It's so refreshing living in a college town. I present my neighbors chilling on the roof watching the sunset...

When anyone asks me what I did over the weekend, I always squint and respond, "Why, what did you hear?"

A microwave is the head chef at Olive Garden and most restaurants like it.

Let's do Walking Dead weirdness....

I don't even know what that means, but it was on the internet so it must mean something.

I don't know what that means either.....anyone?

More people in the US have married Kim Kardashian than have died of Ebola.

As we all know, bees confined to a finite space will fill that space.....duh...

So let's put the little boogers to work making art...

I actually like this....but that probably doesn't surprise you...

Christmas: The only time of year in which you can sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of a sock.

Street art by David Zinn...

Some of the most exciting sex of my life took place on mattresses with no bed, or air mattresses and other poor people "furniture"...

These people did the exact same thing I did......that's the reason most of us go to college....

...and that "thing" was experimentation...glorious experimentation.
"Things" were inserted into as many orifices as one could discover....and/or rediscover...

"Games" were played with bondage devices...

And if you were clever, or extra polite, pictures were allowed to be taken.
Not that having chocolate syrup licked off my scrotum is something I really want to happen again, but it's nice to know what it was like. Back during the poor days we had to be creative with ice, whipped cream...

...dog collars, peanut butter, whisk brooms, a corn field, a lake, various elongated vegetables, the hood of a car, and anything and everything young imagination could conjure. And not that we actually thought it would be great, but because we knew we didn't want to end up old and wonder what it would have been like to have one's tampon pulled out by a lover's teeth or other such excursions into the unknown.
Also, each and every one of those memories brings a smile to an old man's face. So the next time you young women are in Starbucks and you see an old man smiling....he's probably remembering how a naked girl that looked like you straddled him atop a horse as it galloped toward the barn....and the hayloft.

Believe it or not, this guy is "playing" the Star Spangled Banner" by shooting steel plates...

If anyone runs across the whole clip with sound, send it to me and I will post it.

8,000 horsepower and can hit speeds of 260mph...

Human stupidity gone viral makes for brilliant organ donor ads...

Belgium-based ad agency Duval-Guillaume has a new clever campaign using human life-risking stupidity gone viral to raise awareness about organ donation.

Brilliant!

I think all politicians need to take an IQ test before they can run for office. There should be no minimum score to run, but all campaign ads for them have to post the score.
(I also think they should all take drug tests, but good luck with that)
(Not because I give a shit about drug use, but to show how ridiculous the mandatory drug test laws are.)

One Of My Very Own...

This next thing may make you think I'm racist...

The only thing I know for sure is that after 20 years in the classroom, I've never called a black parent because there is a problem with their child without that parent sticking up for the child and accusing me of unfairness....no matter how obvious the offense. After a few years, I just gave up and never called them.
Sorry, but I don't deal with people screaming at me very well.

 Photography...

Growing a beard has scientifically been proven to improve your woodchopping skills by 50%.


This is true....

Oh the harm he's done.

A Greek doctor has photographed an extremely rare moment during a birth, showing a baby still encased inside the amniotic sac after it has been removed from the mother’s body. Because the sac had not been punctured, the baby did not even realize it had been born and behaved as  if it was still inside the mother’s womb.

See anything odd about this...

Check out his profile and her shadow. 

There's a restaurant in Seattle that compares the size of its burritos to babies...

How delightful.

The only place I have seen this is in Atlanta...

Anybody know of any other places?

UPDATE: It was vandalized and removed.

This creative spider used a stone to anchor its web...

How the fuck did it learn to do that?

Low-cost precision of the Excalibur artillery shell

I challenge you to find anything more scary than a police car doing a U-turn as soon as they go past you.