MONDAY #2227

NEWSY BITS...

If France catches the last suspect alive and they have reason to believe that she knew about other planned attacks, do you seriously believe they won’t torture her? What would you do?

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Comment concerning my beer freezing in my fridge...

"If you put a small table lamp inside your fridge, with no lampshade, nothing inside your fridge will freeze because the light emits enough heat to stop anything from freezing. 25 to 40 watt light bulb is sufficient.

Don't turn off your fridge. It will run a bit more, but you won't have any "beersicles" in the morning.

Just some quick advice from a loyal Canadian follower...

Here's my front yard this morning"

I can only assume that you leave the door slightly ajar to run the cord.
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To pay for bridge repair and such, legislators should be raising the gasoline tax during this nadir in fuel prices.

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"As politicians drape themselves in the flag of free speech and freedom of the press in response to the tragic murder of Charlie Hebdo cartoonists," writes Freedom of the Press Foundation's Trevor Timm at the Guardian, "they’ve also quickly moved to stifle the same rights they claim to love.

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And now to the meaningful news...
I, as you probably know, am a Green Bay Packer fan. I arrived early at the bar for their one o'clock game against Dallas and immediately began taking bets with the half of the house who were Cowboy fans. I won big...or at least bigger than I normally win, and it all came down to one play. If you missed it, then fuck you, you are no friend of mine.

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And in other news that nobody gives a shit about, I bought a magic box...an Android with all the features. I have officially joined this century. You're welcome.

Tip: I moved a Save All button to my tool bar, now when I save one document, I save them all.

My wife finally asked me to come look at her car because she "might" have some problems...

The last five remaining living individuals born in the 1800s....maybe...

I mean, how accurate were the birth records back then?

Oh, as an aside....FUCK ISIS!

I think that if this landed in my backyard, I would not call the authorities, but rather just pull up a chair and see what happened...

Question: Does it bother anyone else that the chair was probably moved to that location just to create a more interesting photo?

I’ve just come to the horrible realization that Hannibal poops people.

Ernest Hemingway and Fidel Castro

So close they can smell each other's breath.

Welsh is a language invented by someone who is shit at Scrabble.

That shit could cure dyslexia.

A picture is worth a thousand words…when it comes to printer ink used anyway.

 Not only have I owned many VW Beetles, I could (did) change an engine in less than an hour. There are only four bolts holding it on. As a matter of fact, the whole car was designed so that the normal owner could change just about every part - including fenders, doors, etc - with just a couple of simple tools.

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Every morning my wife gives me a high five for just getting out of bed.

When I was a child, I used to watch this for hours...

 Of course, even at such a tender age I had money bet on which one would fall first. Finally, security caught on and banned me from the whole barn.

This STILL blows me away...

As I understand it, all planets started out looking something like that, but at about 300 or so miles in diameter the gravity was strong enough to crush the cliffs and form a sphere.

I’d rather have Samuel L. Jackson narrate my life. No offense, Morgan Freeman, but my life requires multiple uses of the word ‘motherfucker’.

This lunatic's eyebrows got smaller...

The words “Shitload”, “Buttload” and “Fuckton” are all valid measurements in the South.

Somebody told me about a girl that went into Starbucks and gave her name as Primrose Everdeen, and when her name was called she yelled, “I volunteer as tribute!”

And remember I was the guy waiting to get into a seafood restaurant at the beach and gave my name as Beelzebub. The funny part was when the woman asked me to spell it. I had no idea, so I just slowly said, “Bee-el-zee-bub” and left her to figure it out.

In August of 1868 this check authorized payment from the U.S. Treasury to Eduard de Stoeckl, Minister to the United States from the Russian Empire, of $7,200,000 ($119,000,000 in 2014 dollars) for the purchase of what many considered to be worthless land: Alaska.

 In China, an old custom is to plant an Empress Tree ‪(Paulownia tomentosa‬) when a baby girl is born. The fast-growing tree matures when she does. When she is eligible for marriage the tree is cut down and carved into wooden articles for her dowry. Carving the wood of Paulownia is an art form in Japan and China.

Speaking of trees:

"Trees create immense negative pressures of 10's of atmospheres by evaporating water from nanoscale pores, sucking water up 100m in a state where it should be boiling but can't because the perfect xylem tubes contain no air bubbles, just so that most of it can evaporate in the process of absorbing a couple molecules of carbon dioxide."

(I can't quite wrap my mind around the concept of such immensely negative pressures inside trees, but then I actually speak regular English)

Submariners barbecuing on top of a moving sub...

Men, if you are expecting a blowjob later that night, wash your hand before pissing, not just after.

Clouded leopard cub and her caretaker at the San Diego Zoo...

 That look in its eyes.

One Of My Very Own...

Is anyone else really exceptionally nice to the bus driver if you’re the only passenger late at night?

For reasons I can't explain, I found that hilarious.

What a powerful display...

Buying my wife that pocket taser has proved problematical.

What if ‘car’ was just short for ‘carriage?’

I feed pepperoni slices to my vegan neighbor's toddler through the mail slot.

My new grandson will have a protector very similar to this one...only bigger...

I’m the kind of pompous bastard who used to get pissed off at my daughters for falling asleep during my dramatic reading of her nursery rhyme.

Bullshit.

I once owned a great truck very similar to this one...

 Mine was a 1948 GMC and I loved that truck. I know I've told you that before, but I really, really loved that truck.

There are children in Africa who have to shit without reading their tweets.

Photography...

It's my guess little girls start early in practicing that look they all give their husband when he does something stupid...

My main man, Matisse...

If you sell shoes or fix plumbing, do you have a deep relationship with a shoe salesman or plumber from the past? Probably not. I'm not bragging when I say I love Matisse, I'm just saying how thankful I am that he existed.

The advantages of being the alpha lion...

Why everybody hates white people...

“What if I urinated in a Sprite?” – Inventor of Mountain Dew

This guy, Frank Van Den Bleeken from Belgium has spent the last 30 years in prison for rapes and a murder. He's been fighting for his right to die, as he sees himself as a threat to society. He has rejected parole, and says he has a psychological issue that makes him unable to control his desire to commit sexual violence. He will be euthanized on January 11th this year, by his own wishes.

My Final Word...