MONDAY #2241

A song with which to scroll...

Gritty, ain't he?

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Here's the question I want someone to ask and have answered concerning Inflategate:
Do the refs routinely check the inflation on NFL balls after every game? If not, then why did they do so after the NE game? What made them think something was amiss?

A man can’t fully enjoy golf until he has a family of his own to avoid.

How to wake a dog...

I had a friend who tried to wake his new puppy up with a slice of bacon held in his (my friend's) mouth. He got closer and closer until the puppy woke up and lunged for the bacon only to clamp down on my friend's lip. The sharp little puppy teeth punctured his lower lip and when he (my friend) jerked away he ended up completely spitting his lip...like an inch.  

Did you know that in the event of a dog bite the dog has to be put in quarantine? Well, they do.

Now THOSE are umbrellas...

Guns don't kill people, Liam Neeson kills people.

My wife admitted last night that using a Q-Tip in her ear was more satisfying to her than sex with me.

Oh, you did not do that!

 2500 year old Mummy of a Scythian Princess with tattoos...

The viewership here at Folio Olio has been rising steadily since its inception a few years ago. Alarmingly, they have been dropping off for the last few weeks and I find that alarming. I mean, I don't want my tombstone to read: “He brought joy to tens.”

I know it's rather obvious...

 But during my travels I've always marveled that the roads and railroads always followed the river through the mountains.

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAHAHA!

Early morning train in Japan...

Another naked woman doing something she most certainly wouldn't do unless there was a camera in the room...

Sweet baby Jesus!

Misguided fools...

Kinda makes me sick at my stomach.

While begging my wife for sex, she told me she didn't have time. I said it wouldn't take long and she said, "I know."

This man is dead.

He was probably an American spy. 

 Something I never have and never will say.

Most opera plots could be averted with some decent therapy.

A crazy ex is like a box of chocolate. They will both kill your dog.

I can smell the diabetes. 

 "How interesting," said no one.

The problem, of course, is that they have many more fighters than we have missiles.

132 year old Winchester rifle found leaning up against a tree in Nevada. How long it's been there is unknown...

I would have shit myself at such a marvelous find.

I ran from a fight once and my grandma said, "Either you fight him or fight me." Come to find out, grandma couldn't take a punch for shit.

Did anybody else see anything slightly sexual about that?

This still embarrasses me...

“You will go down in history with old what’s-his-name.”

Read that again carefully.

I agree. It's like we only remember to good things. 

Have any of you people ever come in contact with gypsies?

Well, I have. And the skill at which she does that tells me she learned from a pro...her gypsy mother. 

I'm a tree planter and I strongly recommend it. Make a big deal of planting a tree of their choosing for each child's birthday. It's a gift that should be rewarding for their entire life.

One Of My Very Own...

 No, this is not an Obama slam...

This is just an illustration of how politicians always throw out crumbs to get votes. What they are actually doing is promising to give some people the money that used to belong to someone else. 

I have one thing to say about that...

How are people taught to hate all sex choices except the one they are inclined toward?

I bought two of these one time...

 A Home Depot was going out of business and I bought two of these for next to nothing, after calling a friend to ask him if he wanted one. So he arrived and we had to take them apart to get them back to our studios. Well, believe it or not, the parts are not interchangeable. Each piece fits only its original position on that one stair. The braces were held up and after marking the hole the screw tit was welded on. It took us hours to finally arrange and rearrange the parts to make a whole.

  

 So, how long can we keep this up?

Get it?

Time is running out.

Look at this and think of how far personal communication has come in a hundred years...

Now think about how far personal transportation has come. We still...STILL, use the internal combustion engine and that's just stupid.

And what about education?

We are still using the exact teaching method when the number one job was to produce workers. Now we need to produce thinkers.

See anything odd about this?

The CAFE sign would read backwards from the outside.

It's call staged or posed photography and sometimes it elicits emotions...

End boards laid with mortar like tile...

I would love to have something like that around my home.

“What travels down an alley and has holes in it?”

     Batman: “My parents?”

“No. A bowling ball, you cry baby.”

I can just imagine a young woman blowing out her candle before opening that door in the dead of night, then descending the stairs halfway and peering both ways to make sure they were undetected before scurrying off to her weekly tryst with the stable boy.

This looks very much like that psychological test I took one time...

I was given a piece of paper with a grid and inside each square was a line shape...a vee, a circle, etc. I was to make a drawing using the shape in the square. The instructions said nothing about combining squares so I did something like the above...all using the line shape in the squares.

The test giver said he had never seen anything like it. I took that as a supreme compliment.

This took me a moment...

I buy so much beer that I rotate between two different supermarkets because I'm afraid they'll judge me.

My Final Word...