About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Monday, February 23, 2015

MONDAY #2268


One Of My Very Own...


This is the statement that came with this image:

“So my dad got his hip replaced and had the doctor save it so he could turn it into a cane.”

Fuck that fucking motherfucker! I thought I was the only one. Doing something unique is almost impossible.
And by the way, I went through dozens of options and his way of joining the cane shaft to the bone is the WORSE!

 I would NOT want to do this.
When you give something like that away...literally, it shouldn't come with strings attached.

This was said to be true:

A new study suggests that the shorter a guy's index finger is compared to his ring finger, the more likely he is to be nice to women. Guys whose index fingers and ring fingers are close in length, or whose index fingers are longer than their ring fingers, watch out!
(seriously...look it up)




Why do we spend a third of our lives paralyzed, eyes closed, having vivid hallucinations?
 Dreamland is thirteen loosely joined essays, each covering a different aspect of sleep, from sleep-related errors in military fatalities to people who commit grotesque murder in their sleep to the strange social history of dreaming to the painful business of "sleep training" newborns.

("sleep training"...in my opinion the most traumatic part of child rearing)


Russian guy shooting a pistol to his friend's head to test the quality of the K6-3—a titanium helmet with bullet-proof glass used by Russian special forces. This could be fake.



Ryan MacDonald, the intelligent young virgin who volunteered to die on Mars, just found out he made it into round 3 of the Mars One astronaut selection process. He's in the top 100. Watch Ryan learning the good news and sharing it with his grandparents.

Also selected, 24-year-old Maggie Lieu (above), who said, "I’m very open to having a baby on Mars … My baby could be the first ever Martian: we’d be the Adam and Eve of Mars."
I am amazed that married men and women WITH CHILDREN have volunteered.



Out of all the lies I’ve told, “Just kidding” is my favorite.



Fuck Saudi Arabia. But I have a few quotes from the Christian bible coming up in a few days and those fucking Saudis love those quotes. It's more or less a big fuck you to women.

Ever wonder what a Corvette station wagon would look like?

The 1954 Chevrolet Corvette Nomad was a concept car



One Of My Very Own...
I wonder how many "quick scrollers" will even notice.


Man caught on CCTV camera stealing camera...
Are people really THAT stupid? Yes. Yes, they are.
But it's not just the bad guys who are stupid...read this...
 In New Jersey, 72 year old retired school teacher may serve 10 years for having 300 year old flintlock in car.

He was on the way to a gun show...but rules are rules.
Insanity.

(look, guys, I didn't make that shit up...I stole it right off the internet, but I do think your lion looks retarded)

Do want!

A few graphics I really liked...



Don’t fuck with people who fuck with people you don’t fuck with.

Speaking of...
 That is one badass looking somebitch.


So, can you tell which navy this is from?
 British. They have that ramp on the front...
Speaking of...
 YAMATO, biggest battleship ever built.


…and sunk by American carrier based dive bombers and torpedo bombers on April 7, 1945, with the loss of 80% of her crew as she steamed towards Okinawa.




When people say “I love you” I always say “I love you more” because life is a competition and I must win.




Guy tries to stab his boss' tire...
 That had to hurt.


The Antarctic moss is one of the oldest known living species in the world.
 ...second only to Keith Richards



Just another reason not to go skinny dipping while drunk...

This reminded me of a very unusual story...
My wife became alarmed at a splinter in my foot that I wanted to ignore. She said that she had a friend who died because of a splinter in his foot. Here's the story:
The guy was high on drugs just about every moment of every day and his foot did in fact become so infected that it had to be removed. Then months later he was sitting in a bar telling the story and added that he even had the removed foot in a jar on his mantel. The other guys at the bar did not believe him, so he got on his motorcycle and drove to his house (drunk), got the gallon jar and headed back to the bar. On his way back, he lost control of the bike and ran head first into a passing truck.
And that is what passes as logic from my wife. To her, a splinter led directly to being smeared all over the front of a truck.
So what did I do? I let her remove the splinter, of course.



I always say “morning” instead of “good morning”. If it were a good morning I’d still be in bed instead of talking to people.





"Over at The Message, Quinn Norton reports on a key ruling by the UK Investigatory Powers Tribunal against the British spay agency GCHQ that the sharing of NSA data was an illegal human rights violation."
(by the way, the article actually said "spay" instead of "spy." So cut me some slack...I don't have editors)


Two amazing forms of water...

The final flight just left. Next exit...November.

My Final Word...


2 comments:

Ninja Grrrl said...

Notice that the OOMVO that you lead with was included in the body of your blog too? Heh. Busted.

Ralph Henry said...

This issue is addressed directly below second OOMVO. Are you a quick stroller?

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