MONDAY #2314

One Of My Very Own...

This is my new background for my computer...

And if you don't know who that is, you haven't been paying attention.

Had your children been born elsewhere...

Each year about 5 Americans will shoot their own penises off.

Never objectify a woman.

It’ll hate that.

 It drives me nuts that you can't trust any quotes on the internet...

All white people have an aunt that looks like Larry Bird.

I take great pride that I always did that. Now grown ex-students have told me how much they learned when each lesson was open-ended. 

I think this makes a powerful statement about blind nationalism...

Crossword stuff: 99% of the time when a crossword clue uses the word "partner" it means another word connected to that word with "and".
Off's partner is on, as in off and on.
So, the clue was White's partner. Five letter word. Middle letter J.
Drove me nuts until I figured out it was Sajak, Vanna White's partner on Wheel of Fortune.

These came to me without an artist's name...

Spell DR. AWKWARD backwards.

You think this is just photoshopped?

Foreign workers make up 90 percent of Qatar's population.

A man and his name...and puppy dog eyes. 

You can’t save the damsel if she loves her distress.

The red airplanes are doing a barrel roll. It's a common dogfight maneuver. Two fighters can get in one of these to keep the other from getting behind them, but they are both vulnerable and the one with the tighter turning radius will win every time.

Counting down the days til our July roadtrip...

Why have abs when you can have kabobs?

This is just another reason why men make more money than women....we solve problems...

First you by a realistic looking dolls...

Then you buy a plastic baggy thingy with a hose...

Then you put the bag inside the doll and drill a hole for the spout...

Then you fill up the bag with your favorite beverage...

 And enjoy it anywhere...

That man deserves more money!

Money can’t buy happiness, but it can lease brief periods of respite from feeling worthless.

 The garrote very common once, is no longer sanctioned by law in any country though training in its use is still carried out in the French Foreign Legion. The garrote is a device that strangles a person to death. It can also be used to break a person’s neck. The device was used in Spain until it was outlawed in 1978.

There is a novelty restaurant in my city what has dishes where the ingredients aren’t explained or even whispered about.

Apollo 10 declassified transcript...

Anybody know what this is?

Answer tomorrow. 

 If I had had a son, he would have done something like that.

Lesbian sex isn’t really sex, it is just hardcore foreplay.

Makes one wonder, doesn't it.

Speaking of doing something extraordinary, my Gamecocks baseball team is starting to underwhelm me...

I fear we won't even be in the post season race. 

 Ableism? How come I've never heard of it before? I like it, though.

The word on the street...

It is only possible to live happily ever after one day at a time.

How hard would it be to understand one armed deaf guy?

It’s a pity there aren’t more songs about pizza.

There will always be someone who is better than you, but one the bright side, who cares?

Pong + Pacman + Space Invaders

Notice how you guide the Pac Man with the paddle...

If your proudest achievement is your skin color, that says a lot about what you have done with your life.

Photography...

The officer said, “You drinking?” I said, “You buying?” We laughed and laughed. I need bail money.

It would really suck to have one’s face surgically grafted onto a dude’s ass.

When I realize that I have made a tpyo in my post...

Just walked past a girl with a Banksy tattoo on her arm. She must be a really deep sleeper!

Widsom...