About Me

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I'm an artist, educator, militant anti-theist , and I write. I gamble on just about anything. And I like beer...but I love my wife. This blog contains observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while.

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

TUESDAY #2429


One Of My Very Own…




Greens grown in space are now on Space Station astronaut menu.

Greens?! With the money they spend up there? They should be growing lobster, or shrimp, or, by god steak! Greeens?! What's wrong with a little hops and barley....get my drift? Who would have ever thought those dare devil he-men would be salad eaters. Damn.

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They have asked the public's for help.


A medieval sword that carries a mysterious inscription has baffled historians for centuries. Little is known about the double-edged weapon, least of all the meaning behind a cryptic 18-letter message running down the central groove which reads: NDXOXCHWDRGHDXORVI.
Here's my guess. The X stands for a name or something, then the other letters are the start of the stanzas in a poem. I actually used that technique to memorize poetry when required.



Save time when counting to ten by starting at the number 4. If you are in a real hurry, try starting at 5…or 6.

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Lets start off with some gifs I came across. 
(I sure hope they loaded correctly...I'm on a motel wifi)
I have actually witnessed this panic reaction happening right in front of my eyes.
I was driving a van and sat at a red light, and when the light turned green I glanced to the left and saw that a car  was not going to stop at his red light. Unfortunately, the driver to my left could not see that and she pulled out into the intersection. The collision spun her car around and in her panic she hit the gas instead of the brake and the car just spun in the intersection with back wheels smoking as they spun. Every time she slowly turned so she could see me her face and shrugged shoulders told me she had no idea what was happening. I managed to scream "Emergency Brake" and with that she regained control of her car.

It's a little hard to see this one coming.
Question: If that were you, wouldn't you make damn sure that this film was erased? 

I like clips of people being jerks...

That guy indicated that the phone was his, then leered at the guy that also tried to pick it up. I've fucked with people like that.
I had coupons that looked exactly like a $100 bill on the back. I would sit at a sidewalk table at my bar and watch while people walked over the fake bill that I had placed about 30 feet from me. Over and over I watched people see it, then as quickly as possible squat and in one move yank it up without losing stride. Then I watched them stuff it in their pockets and walk to their car where they would look at it. Then there were slamming of steering wheels and cursing.

^ This is exactly the way my wife reacts when I enter a room. I keep reminding her that there are two people living in the house, but after decades together she still hasn't come to terms with it.


This from Japan.
Don't they have lawyers in Japan? 

Boy, did I miss the ending to this.

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China - The body of a woman thought to have died almost 4,000 years ago, who has become known as the most beautiful mummy in the world, owing to incredibly well-preserved features.

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I feel like aging is a lot easier for unattractive people.


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 Seven Mile Bridge, Florida Keys

 I am still amazed that human beings manage to do stuff like this.

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I used to fantasize about this, only she and me were naked.

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People who say age is just a number fundamentally don't get numbers and that's why I always borrow money from them.


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Fuck you, you smug pampered prick.
 You think the jew on the left could possibly NOT allow the Nazi on the right to "destroy his inner peace?"
How about this woman. Did she allow her man to destroy her inner peace?

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Traveling with a four year old boy is like transferring a serial killer between prisons.


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Murals with statements...

Mural with a "look at me" statement...

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In my opinion, the most important part of any meal is the ingredients


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Just Jew it.

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My all time favorite conspiracy: That the government started the whole tin-foil hat idea because tin foil hats actually amplify, not block, signals.


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 Tripping and falling in front of the Queen, 1987...

...and being mocked by everyone in attendance, including the children.

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 I commented about that very thing a few weeks ago. It's real.

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 Why didn't this catch on?
 And I don't mean for mult-gear rides, but for single speed bikes this looks like a great idea.
Speaking of mobility...
I'm usually not fond of ideas that might hurt me, but that sure looks like fun.

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You having a shitty ass fucking day is much different from a porn star having a shitty ass fucking day.


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 One of my favorite movies...
 The Grand Budapest Hotel

Well, B Baggins, that's not a weird movie.

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I would pay money NOT to have to go to one of these locations...


Shit, I get road rage just from pushing a cart through Walmart. One of those places would surely push me right over the line.


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Really?
You go home and show people the pics and tell them about how you were out in the "wild"?

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The introductions of widespread cameras in the hands of ordinary citizens have brought into the public the reality that the black community has lived with for decades. To wit, cops kill young black men regularly.
But as a result, cops have stopped fucking with young black males. The results? Baltimore murders are skyrocketing. Coincidence? I think not.

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The Catholic Church would have burned you at the stake for shit like this a few hundred years ago.

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Don't you hate when somebody gives you the finger in traffic and then you have to follow them home and loosen the lug nuts on their car?


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From The Desk Of Rev. Knozitall

 Religion brings people together...
Well, I guess we all have the right to our own opinion.


3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I do miss your "things going to shit" section. Those always crack me up.

A good movie, if you haven't already seen it......Law Abiding Citizen

Ralph Henry said...

Thanks, Anon.
I do like people fucking up because it makes me feel human for tripping over my dog and breaking my hip.
I will say that it confuses me that people are filmed (or worse, filming themselves) making a fool of themselves and then they post that footage to Youtube. I would have deep-sixed it immediately.
I have had many sections of old Folio Olio posts that people miss. I always like "Women Who Look Like Sluts But Probably Aren't". Also "Painted Ladies."
But what I have now suits the amount of time I have to give.
Thanks for viewing.

Jim Reed said...

Tiger pic....was it wrong that the first thing that came to my mind was, "SHOOT IT, SHOOT IT?"

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