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I'm an artist, an educator,,and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like beer...but I love my wife. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while.

Thursday, September 24, 2015

THURSDAY #2471


One Of My Very Own…

 And again...The worst pick-up line in the world.


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King Herrod's Song from Jesus Christ Superstar.
One of my favorite movies. I mean that.

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Here's an email exchange I had concerning the football pool form I posted:
SHE: What am I supposed to put on the tiebreak space ?
ME: sum to both scores monday night
SHE: More explanation please

HE: There will be a football game Monday night between the Green Bay Packer and the Kansas City Chiefs. At the end of the game there will be two numbers on the score board indicating all of the points both teams have scored. If you add those two numbers together you get the "sum of both scores." The tiebreaker consists of estimating what that "sum" will be in case two people get a tie score in the tally for the week.

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Ladies and gentlemen, I present the biggest asshole in the world...
The internet does not like this man.
 The moment he realized that the newslady just called him a scumbag...

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The newly-removed seeds, which include samples of wheat, barley and grasses suited to dry regions, were requested by researchers elsewhere in the Middle East to replace seeds in a gene bank near the Syrian city of Aleppo which was damaged by the conflict.
(who the fuck would do such a thing? blow up a fucking doomsday seed repository?)

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 He's dead.
 You can observe a lot just by watching.
If you can’t imitate him, don’t copy him.
When you come to a fork in the road, take it
Nobody goes there anymore,it’s too crowded.
If you don't know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.
In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is.
I never said most of the things I said.
Baseball is ninety percent mental and the other half is physical.
Even Napoleon had his Watergate.
A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.



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I think the anti-vaccine people have one point. There really isn’t any reason to give a tiny baby all the vaccines at once for diseases that they most probably will not be exposed to unless it goes to school. It may be advantageous to space them out more.


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And this from a long time viewer:

Remind your readers that this Sunday (for us) will be a Super Blood Moon.
 This will be the first time in 30 years for a “Super”, and you don’t have to get up at 3:00 am to see it.
 Assuming the weather forecast is favorable, I will be taking the kids out of school Monday because we will be camping on the beach in North Padre Island (National Seashore) Sunday night.  It will be pitch black there.  Some parents may not agree with this, but it’s just what we do in my house.   
 Sure, we could see it from our backyard, but the event just wouldn’t be the same.  I look at it as a home-schooling experience which supersedes anything they can learn at school in a single day.  I just hope the weather holds out; what a bummer if it doesn’t.
 Below is a map of where the total eclipse will be.  Where I live is just about as far west as the total-eclipse viewing area goes.


How very effective.

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I read an excellent article on self-driving cars.
 Believe it or not, one of the problems is that it follows the letter of the law. So when he stops at a four-way stop intersection, it waits until ALL the other cars have come to a complete stop. Of course, nobody in America comes to a complete stop at a stop sign, so the car just sat there, and sat there, and sat there.
The other problem occurred when the car was approaching the same intersection as a jogger. The sensors on the car deduced that the running man was going to run right out in front of it and slammed on the breaks, causing the car behind it to collide. You and I, being humans, would know that the jogger would stop at the curb and run in place.
Nevertheless, the cars have been in only 16 accidents; 15 were other cars hitting it, and one where the human on board took control. 

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Organic, non-GMO, pesticide-free corn

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We're almost there. Together, we'll make it to another weekend full of debauchery.


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 I like her style.

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Jackie Kennedy at the funeral of her husband, President John F. Kennedy, in 1963.

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I’ve never seen anyone jogging and smiling, so that’s all I need to know about that.


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Normal people just trying to add some humor into strangers' lives.

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It occurs to me that you couldn't get that many people to work together to help a homeless vet.

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The other day I took my wife's head in my hands and stared at her. She asked what I was doing. I said, "Memorizing your face. It's football season."


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A photo essay of a woman who tattoos over scars.
But look how they tried to blur her nipples in the publication. So very, very silly. 

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Voldemort and Barbie are neighbors!

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My hobby is controlling the self-control of others.


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 And don't his suit fit nice.

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This is me when I walked in the teachers' breakroom in the middle of a baby shower.

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If it’s tasteless and inappropriate I will think it hilarious.

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Have you ever altered a Wikipedia page just to win an argument with your wife?


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I really like close calls.

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My Uncle Bill told me this joke in the 1960s.
Uncle Bill was, by far, the funniest person I have ever met. 

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I thought I had it all figured out when I was 12 years old. Little did I know I was right.


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I dredged these next ones up from an old post.

Google Maps, Afghanistan



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Laugh and the world laughs with you.

Cry and the world laughs AT you.
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Giving sex away is legal. Selling it is not. Go figure. 

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There's probably an interesting story behind this...


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You know that feeling when two girls are fighting and a titty pops out.

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Just something else to worry about.

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Any of you cyclists know why this would be advantageous?

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I doubt that anyone will notice, but if you stop drinking there are actually SEVEN days in a week.


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 Superman - The College Years


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Bacon is healthier than crystal meth.


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Every man needs one of these...just in case.

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I don’t always hate, but when I do I prefer the Seattle Seahawks.

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2 comments:

Andy said...

Looks like the lever on the lower tube of the bike frame would let you pick which front sprocket to engage giving you a two speed bike.

Anonymous said...

From our university planetarium director regarding the eclipse on Sunday:

This Sunday, September 27th (7p - 12a), the Planetarium is hosting a Total Super Harvest Blood Lunar Eclipse Party on the Quad! A big name for some big fun. So what does this mean? Total eclipse means that the moon will be fully obscured by the shadow cast by the earth. Super arrives from the fact that the moon is at perigee (the closest point in its elliptical orbit to the Earth), making it about 30% bigger and 17% brighter than the opposite/farthest point in its orbit (apogee). Harvest is the term given to the first full moon following the Autumnal Equinox (day and night are the same amount of time), which happened to be this past Wednesday. Blood has to do with the reddish color associated with totality, caused by light that is bent around the Earth, through its atmosphere, propagating to the moon.

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