One Of My Very Own…
SENT TO ME BY NEPHEW
Wife:
<Sends pic of beat to a pulp garter snake...> "Any ideas on what kind of
snake?"
Me: "A
dead one."
Wife:
"He is now after I clobbered him with a pole."
Me:
"Stop killing good snakes...eats mice!"
Wife:
"He struck at me!
That's all that matters!"
Me: "He struck
at you because you were braining him with a pole!"
Wife: "I
could have died of a heart attack."
Me:
"Then leave them alone."
Wife: "I
was traumatized."
Me:
"What's for dinner?"
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MORE ABOUT CROWN SHYNESS
Growing tips were sensitive
to light levels and stopped growing when nearing the adjacent foliage. Fewer
buds develop in parts of the crown that are already dense or where the crowns
of different trees start meeting, possibly because of less light. Another
reason tree crowns are shy might be to slow the spread of leaf-eating insect
larvae.
Guy pulled up with a license plate that read: 1LILNDN. He
said he used to have a Jeep Cherokee, then downsized.
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Science Tattoos that are a step above...
And then there's this...
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Happiness is the china shop. Assholes are the bull.
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The photos above were posted
on Twitter by Gissur Simonarson. They depict Abdul, a single father with two
children, and his daughter Reem, who is four. They are Palestinian Syrians from the Yarmouk refugee camp
in Damascus. He is selling pens in
an effort to support his family. The photographer was swamped with offers to
help the family, so he set up an Indiegogo account for them, which has now
raised over $100,000 in 2 days.
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Dreamed about sex for the first time in a long time. My
dick didn’t work in my dream either, which was bad, but it did give the other
people at the orgy a good laugh.
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Give these a minute.
Give these a minute.
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Two of my bartenders were arguing about something
insignificant and I shouted, “Children, don’t make me stop this bar stool!”
They thought it funny.
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Superstition, almost as stupid as religion.
Superstition, almost as stupid as religion.
Five albino children from
Tanzania, ranging from age 5 to 17, were hunted for their limbs, to be sold on
the black market in Africa for use in potions. This summer, they are getting prosthetic limbs and a chance to live in
and explore New York City.
Is the world completely mad? If you thought that was something, read what's happening in the lovely little hamlet:
An all-male council in India has ordered that two sisters, ages 15 and 23, be raped and paraded in public with blackened faces because their brother eloped with a married woman. Village councils in northern India, known as khap panchayats, are generally comprised of senior male members of the community’s high castes. Although the councils have been declared illegal by the courts, their edicts are still observed in many parts of rural India.
And in the same fucking country, self-defense umbrellas are given out to women!
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Do you ever get so lazy that your’re like, I guess
I’ll masturbate.
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Ah, schadenfreude.
That's not a chain link fence, you idiot.
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Surprising Crime Deterrent:
The Human Eye
According to Psychology
Today, there's a system in the brain devoted to noticing where other people are
looking. This "gaze detection" system is partially subconscious: It
usually registers as a feeling of unease or heightened awareness, rather than a
fully articulated thought. What's especially interesting about this system is
its incredible sensitivity. It differentiates automatically between direct eye
contact and someone simply staring in your general direction (looking at
something over your shoulder, for instance). And just having pictures of people watching will affect criminals.
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Given how often I have to pee and how cranky I get when
I’m hungry, I’m confident I would be the world’s worst hostage.
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Isolate tribe meets modern
man for the first time. One of the last tribes that have never seen a modern
man, let alone a white man (the frightened reaction is because they thought it
was a ghost)
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Don’t forget to let some stranger on the internet know
that you disagree with them. It’ll probably change their life.
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I found that very funny. It's one of those 'It takes a second or two' jokes.
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In America we suspend a kid from school for cutting class.
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Photography
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My wife thinks that not ordering French fries counts as
exercise.
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No Officer, I Haven’t Been
Drinking…
Are we to assume one of his legs is longer than the other?
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Solving problems the old-fashion way.
Solving problems the old-fashion way.
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Think about this, if you accept Jesus as your Lord and
Savior, you get to spend all of eternity with people like Mike Huckabee.
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This took me a moment.
I hope to hell she wasn't in the witness protection program.
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A real headline:
A live mariachi band appears
as if from nowhere to entertain drivers stuck on US Highway 101, after a power
outage caused shutdowns throughout the city. You gotta fucking love California.
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A bride and groom who had a
wedding in Portland, Oregon had a weed bar at their reception. They stayed
within the eight-ounce legal limit and offered 13 different cannabis strains to
appreciative guests. "Even an 81-year-old woman who hadn't smoked weed
since the '60s came into the tent at our wedding," said the groom, John
Elledge. "Though skeptical at first she ended up loving it."
I just bet she did.
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Such beautiful logic will, of course, be ignored.
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?????
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A young man with a VR headset
does not want to part with an inflatable torso dressed up as an anime
character.
I'm sorry, but I have to add, that's one of the funniest things I've ever seen.
I've got to get me one of those.
PS: It just occurred to me that I made reference to this before it came out (no pun intended).
I've got to get me one of those.
PS: It just occurred to me that I made reference to this before it came out (no pun intended).
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Just my man flying coach.
1 comment:
Your man...texting about evil Capitalism...as he flies to one of his multiple houses.
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