About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Monday, November 16, 2015

MONDAY #2524


One Of My Very Own…


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The result of Rousey / Holm in one picture.


And afterwords, this...


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They may be in for a real surprise. Is guy is now a pissed off Frenchman.
 Professional soldiers from 140 countries make up the French Foreign Legion. 
Their only reason to exist is to represent France on foreign soil. With a gun.
Seriously their ceremonial uniform involves waving a goddamn ax around.
 Those guys practice this kind of thing...every...fucking...day.

Too, soon?

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 FOOTBALL

This is all you need to know about how my weekend was.
My Packers have lost three games in a row for the first time since the last mammoth was eaten somewhere in the Dakotas.
Anyway, while waiting for the Oakland Raiders to cost me money again, I wrote this ode. 
You don't have to read it all if you are busy, but I put too much time into it to not post it.


Ode On the Oakland Raiders
o is for how my asshole looked before being screwed by the Oakland Raiders….AGAIN! O is my asshole after being screwed by them…AGAIN!
A is for Amount$, as in the amount$ of money the motherfuckers have cost me this season.
K is for Tele-Kinesis that I try to force (through the TV) upon the ball in Oakland’s possession with loud shouting and vigorous foot stomping, much to the consternation of my doting spouse who of late is a bit too gun shy to enter the room when the game was being broadcast.
L is for the loathing I have of any word that begins with the letter O, including “ode," which created a real conundrum for me, but consistency is not my forte.
A is for the complete Absence of any regret I would have if all of Oakland, California slid silently into the ocean, leaving the landscape much enhanced.
N is for the Necrophilia I would seriously consider if the corpse had been an Oakland fan.


D is for A) the Damnation I vex upon all Raider fan’s offspring, and their offspring and their offspring, and B) Don’t, as in “Don’t even consider consoling me. I am far, far beyond consoling.”
(Try to read that last sentence in the voice of Marcellus Wallace in Pulp Fiction.)


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Do you guys ever think about this as it relates to maniacs out to kill defenseless people?



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Knowing how to draw realistically is to art what being able to rhyme is to poetry.


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"David Huggins claims to be a repeated abducted by those infamous 'Grays'. The 68 year old man claims to have been initially abducted at the age of 8. More so, he claims that throughout his long history, or rapport, with the aliens he developed a sexual relationship with a female Gray by the name of Crescent."

Mr. Huggins did that painting from memories.

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The Vehicle that has won the contract to replace the US's Humvee fleet.

The initial order will be for 17,000 vehicles.
Can't wait to watch a soccer mom try to fit that thing into a parking lot at Starbucks.

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Craft beer snobs really bug me. They laugh at the low alcohol content of my Bud Lights, as if my final aim should be getting fucked up. And thinking of that reminds me of my favorite true beer story.
I was at the beer coolers at the grocery store when I heard this side of a phone conversation by a man next to me:
“Hey, I’m at the store, what kind of beer do you want? BUSCH! Nobody drinks Busch unless they are on parole!”


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STUPID PEOPLE


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I'm not saying Walking in a Winter Wonderland is boring, but halfway through the first line, the singer has to check if you're listening.


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 Those are escaping shoplifters.

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 According to a survey by Pew Research, 40 percent of the adults report that their home contains a videogame console: 42 percent of women and 37 percent of men.

NOTE: Just because the home contains a videogame does not mean women use them. Think of all the unwed mothers who have sons.

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 If you don't know who that is, ask your husband.

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It said that these brick pavers in Texas are shaped like the state.
My bet is that the shapes are just stamped into concrete.

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The cement shoes of a mafia victim.

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Yawning is so contagious that it can spread to dogs and monkeys.


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A few shots of my work by a professional photographer:

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Be someone’s reason to drink today.


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I told my wife that it was a beautiful day and she should come out and enjoy it. She asked me to send her the link.


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Before calling me, ask yourself, is this emailable?

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I saw this in a Netflix movie.
Then I remembered that huge room with the fireplace in the middle of the room and a pipe about that big hanging down over the fire. My question way, how to get the pipe to suck up the smoke and take it outside. This spinning device would do that, don't you think?

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I watched Autumn Blood, an hour and a half movie with 12 words of dialogue and those weren't really needed.
You think you should watch it just for the most magnificent scenery you'll see for a while.

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PVC PIPE


I have a buddy who used to smuggle drugs. He used to hide his pounds of 100 dollar bills in devices just like this.
Those above have screw on caps, but he would cram his pipe full of money, then glue both ends to seal out all possibility of moisture migration. He said he could dig a three foot hole with post hole diggers in about two minutes and he saved the first "plug" to place on the scare. Within a couple of days you couldn't tell it was there and the law couldn't find it with metal detectors.

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Did you know that 7 or 8 beers per day can reduce your risk of giving a shit?


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How does he do that?
Did you notice that those are all dotted lines?

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The Ladybird Book for Hipsters
-      Jason Hazeley / Joel Morris



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Is it necrophilia if they are both dead and you just arranged them? I'm asking for a friend.


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PHOTOGRAPHY



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Being a father to two little girls was fun, but I never could have done it sober.


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What do you think? Good idea or foolishness?

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I just altered another Wikipedia page to win an argument with my wife.


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Girl wearing customized denim jeans, early 1970s. 
Whoever invented pants probably brings it up in like, every conversation ever.

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Because the old way wasn't hard enough...

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And people get all fouled up because they want the world to have meaning as if it were words ... As if you had a meaning, as if you were a mere word, as if you were something that could be looked up in a dictionary. You are meaning.
 - Alan Watts

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1 comment:

Jay Hagen said...

Along the line of your Busch comment.

While in the Navy one of one of my shipmates father came down to visit both him and his brother. The three of them were sitting and talking while their old man sipped the beer they gave him. He kept making these sour faces during the conversation. Finally he stopped the talk to ask them if they were mad at him. When they asked why he sort of waved the can at them. He figured since they were giving him such terrible beer they were punishing him for something. It was Busch beer. About the cheapest stuff you could find in Jacksonville at the time. Low military pay makes for some bad choices at times.

Funny thing is their dad an Old Milwaukee drinker is telling them Busch is that bad.

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