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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Sunday, March 6, 2016

SUNDAY ANTI-SERMON #2633

One Of My Very Own…

ralph.henry.at.folio.olio@gmail.com 




LETS START OFF WITH A FEW WORDS FROM THE BELIEVERS…AT LEAST THE ONES ON THE INTERWEB


I can understand that believing that kind of stuff is appealing. What I can understand is ignoring the awful ways people suffer and die and still thinking putting that guy in charge is a good idea.

I have an idea, make me god and with my power I will see to it that nobody suffers.


That boils down to human arrogance. We think that we are the center of the universe, despite knowing its scale.
It’s that kind of arrogance that allows man to wreck the climate; pollute the oceans; remove whole mountains for ore; poison the air; clear cut the very trees that cleans our air; and send countless species into extinction, and still continue to believe that we are the good guys. We are not the chosen ones; we are a plague upon an otherwise healthy planet.
This man, who has never used his dick for what it was designed to do, gets to make rules by which normal people must live their lives. Who made up that rule?
Oh, that’s right, another Pope before him. Pity that.


And just how the hell do you know that? God never said that.


Really? What if you are a homosexual?


Look people, we know that hell is not under the ground. We have drilled countless holes and it just isn’t there. We have sent dozens of probes up in space and no sign of heaven.


I once asked a Jew why they didn’t believe Jesus when he said he was the messiah whose coming had been prophesied for centuries. He explained that the messiah was meant to be a military leader that would lead Jews back to glory. The minute he said he was the son of god he was dismissed just like the hundreds of other guys who said they were the son of god.

As I understand it, when you get to heaven you will be able to hear and speak and see. Interesting image without a body, but how are you going to recognize your grandpa without a body?



What a loophole! Prayers don’t get answered not because they don’t work, but, laying the blame on you, you couldn’t handle it. Brilliant.


I’m pretty sure that is just a drunk guy peeing in the alleyway, but whatever.


I KNOW BELIEVING IN SUCH THINGS ANSWERS A LOT OF QUESTIONS; GIVES YOU A SENSE OF BELONGING; AND FILLS YOU WITH THE SMUGNESS OF KNOWING YOU, OF ALL THE PEOPLE ON EARTH, HAVE IT ALL FIGURED OUT. BUT THINK OF THE ASTRONOMICAL ODDS AGAINST YOU BEING CORRECT.

Now let’s have some fun with it.



>
What if you told a lie to cover up your affair, and the lie was so good that 2000 years later people were still giving each other presents?



>
“Table for 26, please.”
  “But there are only 13 of you.”
“Yes, but we are all going to sit on the same side.”
   “Is this your last supper or something?”

“It’s for the picture.”









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My favorite parts of the Bible are when Jesus is alone talking to God  and someone who wasn't there is writing it all down.






 









The Bible explained by a rather smart man:
  I must say that the first few hundred pages of this manuscript really hooked me. Action-packed, they have everything today's reader wants in a good story. Sex (lots of it, including adultery, sodomy, incest), also murder, war, massacres, and so on.
  The Sodom and Gomorrah chapter, with the transvestites putting the make on the angels, is worthy of Rabelais; the Noah stories are pure Jules Verne; the escape from Egypt cries out to be turned into a major motion picture . . . In other words, a real blockbuster, very well structured, with plenty of twists, full of invention, with just the right amount of piety, and never lapsing into tragedy.
  But as I kept on reading, I realized that this is actually an anthology, involving several writers, with many--too many--stretches of poetry, and passages that are downright mawkish and boring, and jeremiads that make no sense.
  The end result is a monster omnibus. It seems to have something for everybody, but ends up appealing to nobody. And acquiring the rights from all these different authors will mean big headaches, unless the editor takes care of that himself. The editor's name, by the way, doesn't appear anywhere on the manuscript, not even in the table of contents. Is there some reason for keeping his identity a secret?
  I'd suggest trying to get the rights only to the first five chapters. We're on sure ground there. Also come up with a better title. How about The Red Sea Desperadoes?

 - Umberto Eco, the Italian philosopher, writer and semiotics professor, is dead at 84.

>
Now I would like to talk to you about God’s Plan. As I understand it, everything is god’s plan, and it must be such a comfort to the young woman on welfare who just gave birth to her fourth child by the fourth man. Does she feel any guilt in her totally irresponsible behavior? Of course not. Those children are gifts from god…a part of his perfect plan...how could it be otherwise? I mean, THE MAN HAS THE PLAN! He knows EVERYTHING!!!! And he is PERFECT!!! How could anything that happens to her be other than perfect?
Or, Gentle Reader, the whole story was made up by a bunch of people who sacrificed goats on a rock to bring god's favor and really weren't very smart. Which of these two options do you really think is the most plausible?

How very, very convenient to think you, one animal on a rock in the middle of a fathomless universe, are under the divine guidance of a god no one has seen.
That must be....comforting.
And I am absolutely certain that the Inca's who threw virgins down into a volcano were comforted by the fact that the drought would end with that child's life.
It just seems so sad to me.
Somehow, some people are taught that independent thought is a bad thing. Every believer has had serious doubts about the authenticity of the scriptures, but due to pressure from friends and family were convinced to return to the fold. And I understand it...I really do.
You and your children were baptized in the church, your loved ones had funerals in the church, you were married in a church and you have spent countless hours sitting on a pew in a church. Now some old fart from South Carolina comes along on a blog and tells you all of that...ALL OF THAT, was stupid must to be unsettling to you. But it doesn't have to be.
You have believed many things that have been proven to be unworthy of you trust. And I don't mean the Tooth Fairy or Santa Claus. I mean human people who you trusted and were betrayed by. I need not be specific for you to realize that often things are not what they appear.
All I ask is for you to read the bible. Just read every word and think about a donkey speaking to a man, or two daughters fucking their daddy, or.......blah, blah, blah.
I am so tired of this. If you are beyond logical thought, then I am wasting my time. If you are a "free thinker" (I love that term) then I am wasting my time.
Good night gentle creatures...take care of each other. 






1 comment:

Anonymous said...

My life changed dramatically exactly 2 months ago and I can't tell you how many people have told me "It was God's plan". Well, if it was it was a shitty one and I prefer to believe shit just happens.
Towanda

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