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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Thursday, March 10, 2016

THURSDAY #2637

One Of My Very Own…

ralph.henry.at.folio.olio@gmail.com 



Do you realize that in other countries you could go to jail for mocking leaders like that? GOD BLESS AMERICA!
If it were illegal in America they would name a whole wing of the prison after me.

This is called Going Full Retard.

What do all these people have in common?
That’s right, they are all retarded.

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I bet all this shit started because someone told Trump he couldn't be president and Trump said, "Hold my beer, watch this."
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One of my bartenders attended a four-day Woodstock-like concert last weekend. I asked her all about it, including asking her if she had to use a port-a-potty the whole time. She said she hated port-a-potties so she would just pee out in the woods early when most people were asleep. I then asked where she took a crap and she said that she was “poop shy” (a term I had never heard) and that she could only poop in her own home. Then I needed clarification and asked, “Which means…..?” And she said she waited for four days and did it at home. And I gushed, “No, shit!” and be both laughed at the pun; me more than her.



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I once overheard two female coworkers say that there was a creepy guy listening to their conversation.

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This brave K-9 officer stood up to a knife-wielding lunatic in Las Vegas. He's doing well and will make a full recovery.

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There are eleven types of people in the world: those that understand Roman numerals, and those that don't.

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I remember these. That’s where the operator sat.

This operator was always an old black man and manually controlled the car, easing it the last few inches so the floor lined up and you wouldn’t trip. He also announced what departments were on that floor. 

He had a uniform, complete with cap.


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The only advantage for this that I can think of is ease of cleaning out the ashes. Anybody else know why anyone would want to do this?
Surely the man (or woman) had a reason to expend all that effort. Give me your best guess…you guys are good at that.

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After years of research and millions of dollars, engineers can accurately replicate two drunk guys carrying a sofa.
(I thought that very funny.)

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I hate it when you tell someone a lie to sound interesting and then you have to keep it up for several decades because you married them.

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How clever.

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Kowloon Walled City was a densely populated, largely ungoverned settlement in Kowloon City, Hong Kong.

They call this existing.



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Sadly, the days of people using proper English are went.

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Men and the games they play.
Did you notice the pin setter?

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That is one sharp knife.
And not only that, he is really good at doing that. Look how level his slash is. Damn.

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Captioned: "My grandpop in the 70s."
Those were the good old days…the ones he remembered.

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From a comment:
"From the opening of the original book by A.A.Milne.  I always found it rather "adult" in context."

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My best friend used the word flaccid twice in his wedding toast at my wedding.

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Balcony House, Mesa Verde National Park, Anasazi ruins.
Take a minute to study that. Amazing.

Can I assume those are rain pools?

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I can relate.

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What would happen if everyone had to tell the truth for one day.
As an art teacher my classroom was usually a mess at the end of the day and I would apologize to the old custodian. He would just smile and say, “If it wasn’t for messes I wouldn’t have no job.” But deep down I bet he wanted to say, “Fuck you.”

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Finally found a gif of a "Jacobs ladder."
A lady had a large crowd around her table as she demonstrated one
of these with a dollar “magically” changing from one side to the other. I asked, “How much for just the dollar?” And that, Gentle Reader, is very, very true.

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I’m pushing the bullshit button on these.
For one thing the scale of the grass blades just doesn’t look right.
Look at the grass near the fish, then the grass in front of the man's arm.
And the humans are always BEHIND the fish…I dead giveaway.

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My wife told me I'm oblivious. I hadn't noticed.

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Three-Axis Level Cube

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My inability to learn complicated handshakes is tearing our gang apart.

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Meanwhile in Alaska..
I bet you thought she was going to fall, didn’t you. I did.

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There's danger music in a video game but you can't see an enemy.
Or me in the grocery store when I can’t find my wife.
The longer you look at that the funnier it gets.

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A couple of things I bet you didn’t know.


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More Only The Punctuation:
Absalom, Absalom! by William Faulkner on the right is dense prose stuffed with parentheticals. When placed next to a novel with more simplified proseBlood Meridian, by Cormac McCarthy.

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Smog eater is by Rotterdam designer Daan Roosegaarde.

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90% of life is just having the courage to show up. The other 30% is just checking the math.

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What kind of sorcery doeth this?
I WANT ONE!

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The first person to make popcorn by accident probably ran away for a while.

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A girl helps her boyfriend move…
Her boyfriend said it was for his “external hard drive.”

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Scene from the movie The Railway Man.
I recommend it.

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The rover is definitely bigger than I imagined. 
Unless, of course, she's really tiny.
No, seriously, we sent that big ass vehicle all the way to Mars?! I find that extraordinary.

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Remember kids, you only burn in hell if you are religious.

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People who talk with your phone on speaker like it's a Star Trek Communicator - we're trying to have a society here, and everyone hates you.

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Another worlds largest bonfire in Norway
And the exact same motives, I think applies to these.
A bunch of guys got together once a year and carved a head. What's the big deal?

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Van Gogh painted three versions of this, the second of which in 1889, less than a year before he committed suicide at age 37. It hangs in The Art Institute of Chicago. Amazingly, the Art Institute has recreated the bedroom in full size and is taking reservations for it for only 10 bucks a night!


Vincent painted that while waiting for his brother (Theo?) to come visit. That’s why there are two of everything.
I learned that in college and am quite proud that I still remember it.

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There seems to be a direct correlation between how many rosaries you have hanging on your rearview and how shitty a driver you are.

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This looks just like me explaining to my wife why I need more money to tide me over until my rent money comes in.
I like children, but I love cute kids. This one has it all figured out.

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The Pinetti is a beautifully finished red oak wine rack by Harlequin Illusions that has been cleverly designed, using an optical illusion to hide the remaining wine left in the bottles that are being stored inside. The rack was created by Tony Potter, a former clown and stage designer.
Anybody want to take a stab as to how this is done?
If you find a Youtube or whatever it's best to send it to my email in each blog. Thanks.

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Is it any wonder that early man thought the earth was flat?

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Wife: [wearing 8 Burger King crowns] If they didn't want you to take more than one there'd be a sign.

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I would really like some of you Gentle Readers to try and answer that question. I would really like to hear your take on it.

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