About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

TUESDAY #2650

One Of My Very Own…


ralph.henry.at.folio.olio@gmail.com 




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The location of a pimple on your body is directly correlated to how much your body hates you.
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No, it’s not about food. It means labels being wrong for people.


Then there are the people like this…
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Krubera Cave(Voronya cave, which means "Crows' Cave" in Russian)
Can we safely assume those are lava tubes?
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African kids see drone for the first time.
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Apparently that kind of whale has been washing up for a long, long time.
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An old WWII vet told me that he was in a convoy in France that had become bogged down in a traffic jam and stopped. So the troops got out to stretch or smoke and as he stood there one of his pals pointed down and laughed. They were standing atop a dead soldier run over so many times he was squished flat. They didn’t even bother to move off him. I asked if he was one of ours or one of theirs and he said..."It didn't matter."
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A spare e-cigarette lithium battery burst into flames in the pocket of a Kentucky man.  It presumably came into contact with coins or keys in his pocket, shorting the terminals and causing it to output all of its power quickly.  It is also recommended that lithium batteries not be stored in a car because high temperatures can cause them to overheat.
Just tryin' to help here, folks.
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This reminds me of US Hwy 50 that terrified me so much during a roadtrip.
Notice that it has no guard rails. In fact, the shoulder on Hwy 50 was only about a foot wide.
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What must the future bring?
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My wife’s safe word is 'CRAMP!'
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The globe focuses the light on the grass.
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Angel: The next creation…the ant.
GOD: Go forth, my tiny friends!
ANTS: Hooray!
ANGEL: Ok next creation ... The anteater.

ANTS: The what!?
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Stick Chart Navigation of Marshall Islands
This one simple device tells of prevailing winds, currents and distances. Amazing.
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Two girls with their hearts beating outside their chests get to meet one another.
This is extremely rare and they are thought to be the first child with that affliction to have met another similarly afflicted child.


You can actually see the workings of the heart through their skin.
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Fuck hippocrips.
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Hippocrips.
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What a sad photograph.
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People who say "the future is now" don't understand how time works.
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They share 99% of our genes.
My grandson did not go straight to walking, avoiding crawling. He is now mobile. I wish his parents the best.
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"Bird's nest custody."  Instead of having the children of divorced parents shuffle between two homes, the children stay in one home and the parents alternate turns living there.  Makes sense to me.
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Neat little Japanese invention
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When I owned my bars I would get fatter tips for telling wives that their husbands were not there. It got so bad that when the phone rang, three or four men would shout out, “I ain’t here!” Well, once I told a woman as I was instructed and she said, “Goddamnit, Ralph, I just drove by there and saw his car, now put him on the fucking phone!” That look on that man’s face when I handed him the phone.
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The ten most redneck cities in Minnesota.  Criteria
- Least amount of high school graduates 
- Number of bars per city 
- Number of mobile home parks per capita
- Number of tobacco stores per city 
- Number of places to get fishing gear
- Number of guns and ammo stores per city
- Walmarts, Golden Corrals
- Bass Pro Shops, and dollar stores nearby.
Yeah, that about covers it.
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There was a true story of a cat that showed up at the rooms of nursing home patients prior to their death. It has documented and a little freaky.


I wrote a short story about it and in the story when the cat went to someone else’s room the other old people would party for the first time in years.
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Want your dog to pay attention when you are photographing it? Try this.
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Studies show that, on average, humans kept in cubicles live just as long as free-range humans.
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I want one!
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Oklahoma continues to be rocked by earthquakes.  A recent one was magnitude 5.1 and felt as far away as Kansas City.  Historically (1978-2008) the state experienced two earthquakes per  year.  Since the institution of fracking for oil, the rate has increased to about 600X the baseline.
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Aaaaah.
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Watched a documentary on the Vietnamese War. This first guy warns us not to judge others until you have been tested.
It had to do with an incident where his squad entered a village of friendly people then right in the middle of town, in the middle of the street, one of his men got blown up by a land mine. There was no doubt that the villagers knew it was there, yet they said nothing.
What would you have done?

I’ve written before about men who think they can’t be killed and those who just decide they are already dead. This guy is in the later group.
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My zookeeper/bartender showed me a video of her holding a harmonica while an elephant played it with its trunk. I asked her to email it to me so I could share it with you, but that kind of stuff goes against zoo policy.
Alas.
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Tempted to put this in the “People Not Like You And Me” file, but it made me smile too big.
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Please don’t teach your child that there are things about her appearance that must be fixed. What’s wrong with you?
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So if you eat what you like and don't exercise, eventually you get a motorized scooter. I'm really not seeing the down side here.
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Another good idea from Japan.
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If there's a zombie apocalypse and you see one zombie taking a nap, that will be me.
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I read a study that found out fat penguins fell down more often than skinny ones...TRUE.
Who could have figured.
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This reminds me of why I hate strip clubs.
You just know the girls smile and flirts with you, then they all go back in the back room and spits in your direction.
I have never understood the allure.
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Rule 39 with an evil twist.
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Yeah, getting away from it all with a relaxing day of surfing out in the ocean with just you and mother nature...
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We all know about this, but it’s still kind of cool to see it in action.
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Wife once said I should talk to the kids about drugs so I told them how faking a back injury would usually get you some Vicodin.
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Volcanic Lightning During an Eruption
Is there any wonder that ancient people thought that god lived in the sky?
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When my wife told me she'd finally ready to try anal and she pulled out a brand new strap on.
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My Dad used to do a great Darth Vader impression, by being a really bad father.
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Here’s a couple of reposts that deserve another view. And this first one has been verified to be factual...

All roads lead to Rome.



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Have you ever eaten Spaghetti Os out of the can with a spatula at 3 in the morning?
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