About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Friday, May 20, 2016

FRIDAY #2707

One Of My Very Own…



ralph.henry.at.folio.olio@gmail.com



I have posted this weirdness before, but got no explanation, so here I go again. Many days my viewers in Russia almost equal my US viewers, then suddenly - from one day to the next - it drops to zero. I find that perplexing. Anyone want to help me explain that?

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The Netherlands is closing eight prisons due to the lack of crime.
I wonder if that fact includes what is going on in their Muslim community. Just curious.

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I get a lot of emails from people finding my Key Packets. Here is one I got yesterday.

"My fiancé, father and I just found your Installation No.12.25.15 (date?) while smoking in the riverwalk parking lot. My fiancé saw the key first and we debated for quite some time looking at it over what it was, tried unscrewing it unsuccessfully (with intention to screw it back in). I even said "the only installations I know of are art (Art Major) and didn't know if we should mess with it. Then finally my curiousity won over in a moment of debate and I tore the bag loose, which did not come as neatly as I thought. Haha! Anyway, you really created a memorable moment for all of us. We toyed with it for maybe 15-20 minutes, before a decision was made...so much fun and rewarding in the end! From one artist to another Great Work! Thanks for taking your time to do something like this Columbia needs it. Thanks for the memory, Morgan P.S. We are now debating whether or how to remove the key still screwed to the tree. (Do I leave it as your art or take it as part of the whole installation??...and if so, how?"

I sent her the Key Packet Tutorial address I did a while back. What a lovely lady.




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My wife's housekeeping skills is best described as "There appears to have been a struggle."
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Dwight D. Eisenhower with his bride, Mamie, shortly after their wedding in Denver, Colorado, July 1, 1916.

She couldn't get laid on a conjugal visit to a federal prison.

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Caption read: Scientists Baffled By Mysterious Gold-Plated Artifact Unearthed In Jerusalem.

Dildo. Definitely a dildo. For a really, really rich lady. It's even ribbed!

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Prostitute from the Old West

One would assume the fucking could be tolerated, it was the getting beaten by some drunked up sadistic motherfucker that was the problem.

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The problem is...

WE FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT ALL OF THEM!
Sure, on average, we, the American public is pretty damn stupid, but we aren't THAT stupid.

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Stereotypes are never funny.

Bullshit.

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A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second. Look it up.
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A hiker walking in hills near Barcelona, northeastern Spain, stumbled upon a fossilized footprint believed to belong to a reptile-like ancestor of the dinosaurs. The extinct creature, called Isochirotherium, roamed the Earth during the Middle Triassic period some 230 million years ago. This is the plaster cast.

Nothing to indicate scale. Bummer, that.

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I have an inferiority complex, but it's not a very good one.>

THINGS I SO WANT TO BE TRUE...









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One does not simply "go to sleep" in the American South without the fan on.>

Then there is this...


Well, the headline got my interest, then I gasped at the accompanying images...



Pliers?....PLIERS?!



I want a first hand account if any of you people decide to do that.


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We all say, "Oh my god!" when something is unbelievable.
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This is a great upgrade...

But you better use teak. Finding milled teak is harder than one might think.

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It's called juxtaposition...


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Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
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I've never gotten an answer to my inquiry about these wooden caskets.

Why would anybody spend the time and energy to cut all those weird angles when a simple rectangle would have done the same thing with a fraction of the time and only a few more board-inches of lumber.

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This is the caption on this image:
Dave saved to American History: Native american women.


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I don't want to compare myself to him, but this man and I share a singular love of the absurd.





But I don't understand this one...

Just that she left her husband in the car?


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If you tell someone you have an English degree from Harvard they will just...believe you.
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Researchers just uncovered an incredible fact about liquid water on Mars.

It's not just flowing; it's also boiling. And that discovery also solves one of the major mysteries about the surface of the red planet.

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The skies above South America’s largest water body, Lake Maracaibo in Venezuela, are lit up 297 nights per year. That’s around four evenings out of every five.
Am I the only one who like to know stuff like that?

How about this. Is this the kind of stuff you want to be informed about?



But it gets better...quote:
"After a solar eclipse last month, a fisher in Indonesia's Banggai island region found the female figure floating in the sea."

Solar eclipse, female, water....what else could it possibly have been? Such is the logic of faith.

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So, FACTS can get you fired? After 15 years on the job.
Now you know why I don't want ads on my blog.

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China's Internet censors are capricious and impossible to predict -- but this isn't because China's censors are incompetent, rather, they're tapping into one of the most powerful forms of conditioning, the uncertainty born of intermittent reinforcement.

Believe it or not, a psychology major once advised me to stagger my post releases for the exact same reason.

(That was the photo accompanying the article. I don't know why.)

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The biggest truck with a school bus for scale.

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Doug Nye the science guy's ex-wife once tried to poison him.(I so want that to be true.)
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When my brother used to take a snowmobile out hunting in Alaska, he had one cooler inside another for his beer for the exact same reason. Even with all that you had to put the each beer inside his shirt for a few minutes to get it fluid again.

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These were voted by an international team of art critics to be the most recognized paintings in the world. How many can you name?

If you could not identify them...why not? Granted, I have an advantage with an advanced degree in such things, but I can name the most famous books and buildings and airplanes and arias.
Just saying.

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Just another example of our shortcomings...


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In all honesty, how big do you think the Hulk's dick got when he transformed?>



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FINALLY! Yesterday the wife and I finished off the last of our Thanksgiving leftovers.>

I could see this as a problem...



But what a wonderful photo.


And another headline that I liked...


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There were many of her "patients" that had very curable diseases but could not afford the medicine to cure themselves. Did she ask the church for the funds? No, she did not. She prayed for them. Was it effective? Of fucking course not.



From the investigation:
"Mother Teresa was no saint, she was a moral monster, a sadistic religious fanatic who took pleasure in the suffering of others, and denied appropriate medical care to the sick and dying. Teresa was anything but a saint. The nun may have been generous with her prayers, but she was miserly with her foundation’s millions when it came to alleviating the suffering of the sick and the poor."

6 comments:

LARRY said...

See how well he fits in that toe pincher coffin? For a time the dead were displayed vertically like this guy propped up against a train car. In a standard rectangular coffin , he would have slid into a messy heap!

Ninja Grrrl said...

BILL Nye the Science Guy!!!! And she didn't exactly try to poison him, probably. http://www.cbsnews.com/news/bill-nyes-withered-romance/ .

Ah, love. Ain't it grand?

Anonymous said...

I know you don't care for spelling issues, but this one stands out out a bit. You misspelled Bill, who's ex did attempt nefarious acts against him.

psm

Ralph Henry said...

Dear psm, what the hell does that mean? Could you be a little more specific?

Ninja Grrrl said...

It's not Doug Nye, it's Bill Nye. And his wife was probably more guilty of being dramatic than anything, she poisoned his flowers but they were near a food garden so he figured she was trying to poison him. She was running around wearing black late at night pouring poison on his flowers so he couldn't give them to another woman or some such horseshit.

Ninja Grrrl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.

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