About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Wednesday, June 29, 2016

WEDNESDAY #2746

One Of My Very Own…



ralph.henry.at.folio.olio@gmail.com



WARNING: Game of Thrones Spoilers Ahead!

Last installation pics...


This just screamed for a packet...a little metal post with a hole in the top.

Last pics from reunion...
The poker game.


This child sitting next to me did something no other child has ever done.

After winning big she paid me back the $10 I loaned her to get in the game. And yes you read right...she beat me.

Every time something arose that required an interpretation of the rules, the picture below shows what it was like when my brother ALWAYS got his way.

And, of course, it was to his betterment and to the detriment of others.

(I'm the guy in the red-trimmed get-up.)

Last year the family reunion looked like this...

This year the Wifi mysteriously went dead and there was none of it. Imagine having to do boring things like swimming in a pond, driving a WWII Jeep or playing poker with Uncle Ralph.

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ALL HAIL MIGHTY ICELAND!


And those Viking bastards celebrate with style...

4 years ago, Iceland was number 133 in FIFA world ranking. Today they beat England in the final 16 at EURO 2016.

And by the way...





Oh, my, a segue.







I will be the first to admit that I don't know enough about Brexit to have an opinion.



Oh, my, another segue...

YOUNG BLONDE GIVES DWARF HAND JOB







My wife and I are amazed at this child's acting ability.




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Does anybody else finish watching porn and say, "Ptttff, I'm better than that?"
My wife does that all the time.

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You know how I feel about conspiracy theories...

But there are things that spook me.


Am I the only one who thinks the government has too much power? And the only reason they will abuse that power is if they can.

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The human brain is awesome. For whatever reason our brains have evolved to do that, and I can't imagine a good reason.

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I'm going to keep posting things I'm passionate about because I have many new visitors.

The government dictates how many plants you have to have in parking lots, why not at least suggest this marvelous idea?

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Speaking of great ideas, check this out...


In preparation for the torrential rains a homeowner purchased an Aqua dam, a system of tubes that are filled with water to serve as one giant sandbag.



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A guy told me he liked fat girls because no matter where you squeeze them it feels like titties. 

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I wonder how long this would work.


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Me: I'll have a beer.
Waiter: It's 10am, sir.
Me: I'll have a beer and some scrambled eggs.

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Weeks ago I mentioned a fence I made using zip ties. This is it...


It already had a very short, very ugly chainlink fence running the length of my property line...


And all I did was place the lattice in place and zip tie them to the chainlink and each other.

Oh, and it's been there for 25 years.

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A lamb stuffed inside a pig stuffed inside a cow.

Where do you cook such a thing? And for how long?

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Just to remind you that there are some sick motherfuckers out there, so let's stay alert...


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Wife: I left the kids with you for a half hour & they dumped 3 pounds of sugar in the dryer trying to make cotton candy.
Me: Did it work?

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This is what I call an Architectural Illusion.

I'm pretty damn good at it and have dozens of them throughout the country.

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My wife doesn't carry a wallet & puts money inside her bra. At night when she undresses, she pretends her boobs are paying her a ransom to be set free. 

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Guiding rain water into the underground cistern.


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To drink responsibly means don't spill it.

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I would have liked to have seen this.


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Couldn't load the gif, but here are two stills of The Statue of Love Sculpture by the Black Sea in Batumi, Georgia.


Each is on its own turntable and when they meet they just pass through one another.


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In every woman's life there comes a moment when she has to decide whether to be the psychiatrist or Sarah Connor.

Choose wisely, my friend.

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I don't need to watch porn to see things my wife will never do, there's enough of that on Food Network.

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Fun with Language










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This is Willis Carrier, the inventor of air conditioning. KNEEL BEFORE YOUR GOD.


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The world’s first child-exoskeleton for spinal muscular atrophy.
I bet he is going to get much better at this than this his first steps...kids are like that.


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Back when nobody gave a shit about shape following function....you know...the fun days.


Back then women like their hair tall...

The higher the hair, the closer to god.

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Teach a man to fish and he'll eat for a lifetime. Teach a fish to man and he'll probably just send a dick pic or start a war.

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This gets funnier the longer you look at it..


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Diver attacked by swordfish.


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Judas: Still on for Friday?
Jesus: Friday?
Judas: Yeah, the last supper.
Jesus: The what?
Judas: Supper. Just normal supper with the fellas.

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And the winner of the day, is......


And the loser of the day is...

He's actually very lucky.

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This reminded me of an incident a friend told me about.

Problem: There is a huge skyscraper with a double elevator shaft (I think) running from the top to the basement. You have to lower a multi-ton furnace down the shaft and gently align and secure it to the floor with dozens of large bolts sticking out of the floor. There is only a couple of feet clearance on the sides, too dangerous to have men in the bottom of the shaft. How do you insure that the furnace is aligned with the bolts?

Solution: They covered the floor of the shaft with huge blocks of ice. The furnace was lowered onto the ice and could be coaxed into alignment with a pry bar as ever so slowly settled onto the bolts. The ice also acted as a friction reducer.

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This still impresses me...


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Turns out there isn't a single satisfactory sexual explanation for when your wife discovers a fork in the bed.

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Anybody want to explain this to me...in English?


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My wife reads two books a week and I just told my great-nephew that an idiom is a group of idiots. 

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And I don't care what religion you are, you feel this way about all the other religions...sometimes different sects in your own religion. You and I agree on that, but I apply the same critical thinking to yours as well.

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