About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

WEDNESDAY #2850

One Of My Very Own…

Sorry about that no brainer. Let's try this one...


I so hope you haven't seen this yet. Crank up the speakers and enjoy if this is your first romp through this...



EMAIL
KEY PACKET TUTORIAL


The good news is, it turns out there is literally nothing we can say here that will ruin our chances at a political career.

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Went to the dentist and they had me fill out a new medical history form. After name and DoB there was a line for "Preferred Name." I wrote in "Hunk of Burning Love."
Then when I got home they had sent me a review of my treatment.

And under additional comments...

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Lest you thought Hurricane Mathew "missed" South Carolina, 400,000 people are still without electricity and 400 roads are still closed. And they are still plucking stranded people from their roofs.
3 people called to ask if I have enough beer to last me through the hurricane. Beginning to think I may have a reputation. (True)
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Hundreds of creepy clowns terrorizing people across multiple states. On the bright side, they can all be picked up in one police car.



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When people tell me I look like my father, I assume they mean disappointed.


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Britain Releases Postage Stamps Embedded With Hidden Clues to Honor Agatha Christie



I'm not really up on my Agatha Christie, but I understand that these are extremely clever.

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I admire people who do things like that. After an accident that crushed the front end and hood, I drove my car to Oklahoma and back. I painted "Oklahoma or bust...again" on the crumpled hood.
Nobody...no one person, thought it funny.

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Pride, thy name is fatherhood.


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We have seen hundreds of these...


But this one is my favorite...


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Dolphin are amazing.

That is just them playing...pure and simple.

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My wife thinks I'm boring, but today I saw an ant in the kitchen and I put a sugar cube directly in its path. After examining it for a few minutes it went off to tell its friends. Then I quickly hide the sugar cube because I wanted them to think he was a liar.

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Let's look at these in this scale first...




Now full sized.



And my favorite...


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When I was a kid my father caught me wearing one of my mom's earrings and made me eat an entire John Wayne movie.

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House of Cards.


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My wife relies on comments about restaurants and motels.

She knows that competitors fuck with the sites all the time, but she doesn't just rely on one or two...but scores.

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Las Vegas visitors observe mushroom cloud from atomic test just 65 miles away. 1955

Or so I'm told.

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Thai Karaoke....Not Even Once


Evidently, you have to keep singing with all this stuff happening to you.



This girl wants to win very, very badly.



This one was probably raised on a reptile farm...


And the American girl completely craps out...


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Kid done fucked up now...


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Have you ever been so stoned that you tried to Google "My favorite songs".

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The best reason in the world to fake blindness...


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The Different Shades of Nature



And my favorite...

I don't know why I like those so much, but I do.

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As most of you know, I have been collecting shells like this for 40 years.

I call them Holy Molies and the hole I call tuits.
Not all of the holes are round and get rejected.

And it is get a round tuit.
Then I came upon this...


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On a scale of 1 to Rodney Dangerfield...

This girl's self-esteem is at -43.

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Let's play What Happens Next!!!!

A. The skater slings the girl into the crowd.
B. The ice breaks and they are never seen again.
C. He flips the girl up, and she breaks both her legs.
D. Her head comes off.

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I predict that in the future our experiment with corporate run prisons will be seen as a huge mistake.

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Or so I'm told.

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I've mentioned this before.

I would, at least, like to try it.

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Seeking help is not a sign of weakness, but strength. If nothing else, I need all the viewers I can get.

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Reminds me of the remote controlled outside light on my deck that I tell visitors is on the Clapper.

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How entertaining.


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The medical terms imbecile and moron were highjacked as insults, so they changed it to retarded, which was also soon highjacked. It doesn't matter what you call it, it will be highjacked and have to be changed again...and again.

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D. Her head comes off.
How'd you do?

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What a fucking retard.

Oh, I'm sorry, I mean, "Is he special or something?"

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One time I took my kids to work with me and after that my boss was way more tolerant of my drinking in the restroom.

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I pity people that rely on cute little statements to guide their world view.


Like we hear over and over that "God is Love."

The cages that held the bodies of the tortured and executed Anabaptist Münster Rebellion leaders were hoisted up the St. Lambert's Church steeple in 1536. The cages still hang there today.


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