About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Thursday, October 13, 2016


One Of My Very Own…

"Seems only fair. Put me in the game, coach."

America paid about $16 billion to five companies last year for 80% of our contracted domestic and international surveillance: Leidos Holdings, CSRA Inc., SAIC, CACI International, and Booz Allen Hamilton, recently in the news following an employee arrest on cyberweapons theft charges.

Tim Shorrock at The Nation did the legwork to to come up with the numbers. “The problem with just five companies providing the lion’s share of contractors is that the client, the U.S. government, won’t have much alternative when a company screws up,” says David Isenberg, the author of Shadow Force: Private Security Contractors in Iraq. [...] “There comes a point when the marketplace is so concentrated that the service provider simply becomes too big to fail, no matter how lousy their performance,” says Isenberg, who closely monitors the privatization of national-security work. “If that makes you think of the financial-services industry, well, that’s exactly what I’m talking about.”

We know, dear. The whole world knows.

If you're in a sports bar but don't understand sports just keep repeating the phrase "Damn they gotta get him the ball." Everyone will agree.

Yes, Downunder they are now illegal.

What the fuck happened to you bad ass bastards down there. You were outcasts, just like us in America, and now you are turning all prissy? This is the straight dope and I find it frightening.
"First-time offenders face up to two months in jail while repeat offenders could spend six months behind bars. The amendment was one of more than 50 crimes included in an overhaul of sexual offense laws. The updated legislation has been designed, in part, to separate pranks involving nudity from acts of sexual exposure. The Summary Offenses Act states that "behavior that is indecent offensive or insulting includes behavior that involves a person exposing (to any extent) the person's anal or genital region."
What happened?
In defense of the actual viewing of the human rear, I offer a collection of images I gathered over a search on the internet that took all of four or five minutes.

You are thinking the same thing I am thinking...what would that feel like with my dick in it. Don't be ashamed of such fantasies, they are perfectly normal.

Computer games love not only looking a the human rear, but doing vile things to it.

And lastly a simple change to the movie Alien could have made it much more interesting.

The internet is eat up with anti-Muslim immigration...mostly from Europe.

But the Europeans are putting up with blunt reminders that those people are just different than they are. How many times would your daughter have to be groped on a bus before you took to the street?
Then there's this...

But then there's this...

A Syrian ISIS terrorist who has planned a bomb attack in Germany had been captured by other Syrian refugees he asked for a place to hide after the police was after him.

Ever wonder what this guy would have to say about it?

But that being said, remember that here in America there are religious fanatics who want to teach Creationism right along side with Evolution.

Them: Nice beard.
Me: Yeah, I get a lot of unsolicited directions to the homeless center with it.


Food snobs. Foods snobs bug me.

It must have been a tough year for gluten farmers.

This is the way the male mind deals with keeping up with his shit...

Men can't imagine how a woman can get behind the steering wheel of an automobile and have no earthly idea where her keys are. They have a purse with 8 or 80 compartments and no notion of even if the keys are in the purse to begin with. Some times she's says things like, "Don't just sit there, help me look." Every man I have ever known has their key out and in the proper hand BEFORE getting behind the wheel. Then when a woman finds her keys, it's time for the sunglasses search.

When I see a typo in my post in the morning after putting spellcheck on it and proofreading it three times the night before.

I've noticed that I'm addicted to writing you for your.



Desert burros see green grass for the first time and it scares them.

Probably afraid because everything in the desert that looks like that has thorns.
Just wait until they find out that lush shit is good to eat.

Opening The Blast Door To A Waterlogged Missile Bunker

I know you are probably wondering the same thing I am, to wit: What is a blast door to a missile bunker and how did it get waterlogged. I haven't a clue.
Did you notice that the machine operator took way to long to lift up the bucket? 

Evolution of the F1 car: 1950-2012

Pythagoras invented a cup to prevent greediness for his students when he gave them wine.

If the student tried to take more wine than was allotted, all of the wine would spill out onto the floor.

Rocket propulsion hovering.

Here's my take on that: In Earth's gravity the bottom jet must be much bigger, but in space all the positioning thrusters would probably be the same size...except for the one to slow it down enough to go home.


Artist Varol Topac creates these sculptures made with bits of wood. He animates them with tiny motors which are motion-triggered.

When someone gets close they start doing...whatever this is. It sounds like chattering wooden teeth. He has them in many configurations.

What Happens Next?

A. The earth swallows her.
B. She drops the weights on her foot.
C. An ostrich appears.
D. She gets the bar up her ass.
E. She learns two lessons in gravity in two seconds.


When I was a kid I used to ask my my dad... "Whatcha doin?"

True story.


Bring on the apocalypse. I'll be safe for about two minutes...but I will be safe AND loud!


A. The earth swallows her.
E. She learns two lessons in gravity in two seconds.

Two completely different encounters with pepper spray...both bad

He didn't appear running away near as fast as he should have.

Before I left the reception I would call up my insurance broker and load that bitch with coverage...lots and lots of coverage.

I still have mixed feeling for this guy.

I do think the NSA should have been ratted out for breaking the law, but I'm not sure he is qualified to determine what information is and what is not harmful to the country. I think, however, history will be very kind to him.

A whole new meaning to "shitty job"...

The introduction of computer voting machine at a time that just about every computer in the world is "hackable" should concern us all.

Fuck that inept bastard.

I think she should say no just to teach his clutch-ass a lesson.

This commercial was shown a million times when I was growing up.

It's the reason I never littered as a kid or an adult.

I'm going to present some very disturbing images.
BE FOREWARNED. I was so touched that I moved them to the very end of this post in case you don't want to be as "touched" as I was.


Christians love these little platitudes without ever knowing exactly what they entail.

Basically, the one above tells you to stop thinking in a time of crisis. The cute little platitudes are almost as bad as ignoring the parts that make you uncomfortable.

Father stares at the severed hand and foot of his five-year-old.

Severed as a punishment for failing to make the daily rubber quota, Belgian Congo, 1904
And it's true.
Source: http://rarehistoricalphotos.com/father-hand-belgian-congo-1904/

This one was labeled: Ejecución nazi fotografiada para sus archivos. I have no idea what that means.

Yes, normal people can be manipulated into doing things like that. Usually be convincing you that you are but a cog in a grand machine.

Please, Gentle Reader, think for yourself.


Anonymous said...

Do you have any idea how long I stared at the third motorized wooden sculpture, waiting for it to move?

The translation reads:

Nazi execution photographed for your files.

That we as a species are capable of doing that to one another doesn't surprise me. What makes me grieve for us is that there are those that deny and/or justify that is was done to begin with.


Oni said...

I just finished reading the book The Snowden Files. It is probably a bit pro-Snowden, but it is a great read because there is so much SHIT that it can't fit in newspaper articles. I highly recommend it. Related to your post, he first went to writers for the Guardian, who actually worked with the white house and the british government BEFORE publishing to ensure they weren't putting any people in danger. This is in contrast to the Julien Assange leaks. To date, only a tiiiiiiny fraction of what Snowden took has been leaked, and only through the newspapers he wanted to leak it through, and only after those papers "cleared" the documents with the governments. The governments were NOT happy about it, but in America freedom of the press meant the white house couldn't stop it, especially when they had no legit safety concerns with the documents being leaked. The brits, on the other hand, literally smashed the guardian's computers out of security concerns (Russians). But if the brits had wanted to, they could have halted all publishing in their country with an injunction, since they don't have robust freedom of press laws. I would suggest this book because it details what NSA documents were exposed, and there is a consensus that those documents do not put America at risk. They are just embarrassing and show just how far the NSA invaded into our privacy, backdoored into companies and software, and invaded the privacy of people around the globe.

Ralph Henry said...

Thank you very much.

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