About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Saturday, December 24, 2016

SATURDAY UNEXPECTED PUNCHLINES #2924

One Of My Very Own...


EMAIL: ralph.henry.at.folio.olio@gmail.com



I made Currywurst

1 pound bratwurst
Oil for frying
15 ounces ketchup
1 tablespoon white sugar
2 tablespoons chili sauce (optional)
1 teaspoon black pepper
1/2 teaspoon onion salt
1 pinch paprika
Curry to taste (usually at least a tablespoon in the sauce and more sprinkled on top before serving)

Instructions:
Heat vegetable oil in a skillet and cook sausages until brown outside and heated through, turning periodically.
Pour ketchup into a small saucepan and add sugar, chili sauce, pepper, onion salt, paprika and curry.
Remove sausages from heat once fully cooked and slice into 1/4-1/2 inch thick pieces. Place on a plate and spoon sauce over top.
Garnish with additional paprika (if desired) and curry.
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A "Spike Jones" Jingle Bells




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My email password has been hacked. That's the third time I've had to rename my dog.

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The above is an example of:
UNEXPECTED PUNCHLINES


Me coming home from my bar in the very early evening and it is pick black dark.
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Customer brought their car in for whistling noise from engine.
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Did you notice the black guy steal the handbag?
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Speaking of...

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Have you ever thought about giving up porn because of the disgusting shit you get off to?
Me neither.

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FIREARMS




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You think you know someone, then you find out she likes porn with a plot.

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THE INTERNAL COMBUSTION ENGINE

That reminds me of the Monty Python bit "Tis but a scratch."
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So. He. Just. Walks. The. Rest. Of. The. Way.
What do you think...stolen motorcycle?
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We call that a trifecta if you count hitting the gas pedal instead of the brake.

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COINS COINS COINS COINS






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I wonder what appeared over Thomas Edison’s head when he got the idea for the light bulb.

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PEOPLE WHO MADE ME SMILE


The finger pointing...."I'll get you for that, just you wait."
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I just sold my homing pigeon on Ebay for the 10th time.

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NATURE NATURE NATURE NATURE

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For years, entomologist Brandon Hopkins has argued for the establishment of a germplasm repository for cryopreservation of honey bee semen. Unfortunately, bee semen us very hard to collect and even harder to preserve, but Hopkins found better ways to extract and store their genetic material.
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Mesmerizing.
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Facts and science no longer matter. Remember the Renaissance? This era is the opposite of that.

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POLITICS


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President Rodrigo Duterte’s brutal anti-drug campaign in the Philippines is completely filling prisons to overflowing.

And those they don't arrest are simply murdered to the point that the morgue is overflowing.

I watched video of the vigilantes kidnapping drug dealers, then dumping their bodies on the streets some time later.

It seemed that their favorite method was wrapping the head with packing tape.
But there were many just shot point blank.

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"It's so hard for me to sleep at work."
"Why not?"
"I was fired."

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MISCELLANEOUS
How nice...

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This is a young man I love like a son.

He is getting the tool belt at the cross country banquet for hardest worker. He finished 2 cross country races this past season after not being able to run even a quarter mile in the summer. I am very, very proud of him. He used to be...let's just say, not a small man.
This is for him:


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It would be funny if, with everyone freaking out about global warming we ended up dying in a good old 60s throwback nuclear war with Russia.

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JUST A LITTLE PREVIEW OF WHAT TO EXPECT on FOLIO OLIO TOMORROW
The spirit of Christmas...


Spreading the joy...






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Kid: How is Santa able to visit every house in the world in one night?
Me: Meth.
Kid: Damn.
Me: Indeed.

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I understand why there were reindeer named Dasher, Dancer and Prancer, but how did Vixen earn her name. What is Santa hiding?

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Wow. Say what you will but you know you would like to see that.

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Kids are so dumb you think Santa's elves made that PS4? Yeah right like Sony would ever let that happen. Learn basic copyright law you lil shits.

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For Christmas I gave my wife a book called
"The Many Benefits of Kegels".

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As it turns out, if you're with a group of people, it's "Christmas caroling." If you do it alone it's "creating a public nuisance."

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Pitting 11,000 virtual vicious penguins against 4,000 murderous virtual Santa's.



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COVERING BETS: Placing bets on both teams so you can't lose. I say it's like betting on whether your sister or your girlfriend gets pregnant first.
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Indeed.
But why would the devil punch people for doing what he wanted them to do? I would call that a plot hole.

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