About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Thursday, January 26, 2017


One Of My Very Own...




I am ashamed that this man is an American.


Trump forbade the National Park Service from communicating with Twitter, and from mentioning climate change. But...
I may have missed something, but how can five pounds of gas produce 20 pounds of carbon. Have I missed something or does the conservation of matter not still exist?

If a woman can claim her child as a deduction, the man who pays child support should be able to deduct said support.

They said if gay marriage became legal, people would start marrying dogs and cats, but I guess that was just another unfulfilled political promise.


Never heard of a light-day, light-hour, or light-minute. 



And yet, after all this progress, we have this...

Can we all just shout out with one loud voice that we want mankind to go to mars....please.


Speaking of...

I found this helpful as an explanation aid...

As well as this...

(click to embiggenize)

Am I the only one around here who has the common decency not to leave my shopping cart in the middle of the goddamn parking lot?


I know you've heard it before, but it is foolish to wear uncomfortable shoes, much less that does physical damage to various joints.
Can you imagine this or that religion mandating that women must wear these? You American women would drag out words like "deformity" and "cruel." I find that hilarious. Equal pay indeed.

My bartender was explaining to me that her toes are unattractively long so she can at least can make them better with regular pedicures and polish.
The I remembered a woman I knew with demonically long toes, so I asked my bartended, "Can you pick shit up with you toes?" and she gave me a "duh" gesture. So I asked if she could pinch people with them really hard and she laughed and said I should ask her boyfriend.

Work tip: if you're going to ask your boss if you can "work from home", don't use air quotes.


I hate everything about this.
It is just too perfect. The silly chair. The perfectly same sized logs. That ridiculous "foundation." It looks like a fake amusement park gift shop at frontier land. 

You want to live rustic, then for the love of craftsmanship go rustic.
I would much rather live in this structure and that first plastic piece of shit. Interiors like this are a lot of things, but perfect ain't one of them...
As a creature of detail, I would sit and study this for an afternoon, then steal it and take it home.
(no I wouldn't)

I find it ever so interesting about how people made shelter out of whatever they have a lot of. In North America that usually means trees.
That an interesting image. One could imagine a nearby tree falling and shearing off all the limbs on one side. But I doubt it. A falling tree wouldn't make the side trees distort to the right. I predict prevailing winds like on a sea coast.

In all my 70 years of living in the pine enriched Southern United States, how is it I have never seen this happening?

These people obviously had a lot to stones lying around. And since they had to move them to farm the land, they had a handy building material.
The design of the foundation was meant to keep the rats out.
You would probably have to put this on the slab before you built the house.


At the end of Titanic, when all the people are dying in the water, you can hear a faint, "Marco" and then an even fainter, "Polo."


There is no greater way to demonstrate your love than to convince your children that reading is a worthwhile endeavor.

I have been a collector of things all my life.
And it doesn't matter what you collect. I always shun items that will gain in value because that is not collecting. That is investing.
These are not mine, but here's some ideas of inexpensive things you may be interested in...

These are the drawers they used to keep newspaper letters when they did it the hard way.
I have two of them on the wall in the kitchen filled with reminders of moments my wife and I have had. One is situated behind my wife as we eat and I get to stare at the movie tickets, fair pics, etc.

Remember, if you find yourself continually thinking about resale value, you've missed the whole point.
And if anybody calls your collection Stupid, you send them to talk to me.

I've been giving mothers a great of thought lately. With few exceptions, everybody thinks their mother is the greatest mother, but when asked most moms just do what moms are supposed to do.
Why do you love you mom?
She cooked for me.
See would have gone to jail if she didn't.
She put a bandaid on my boo-boos.
Like every mother.
She tucked me in at night.
That was her job.
You see where I'm going with this.

Look, I know this is pure propaganda, but it's nice to know what that side of the political spectrum is thinking...

I listened to a Ted Talk about all organisms are motivated by the same exact thing. Imagine a piece of paper with a horizontal line going across the middle. That is you life's timeline. The top of the page is total panic. The bottom of the page is sheer boredom. As you progress along the line you may sink toward boredom and immediately correct to put you closer to center equilibrium. Then you overshoot and venture into unknown, panic territory and correct to bring you down. And this works for germs, insects and large mammals. Or so he explained.

I've never heard it put better or with more clarity.

My DNA results came back and apparently I'm .0002% aardvark. Which pretty much answers all the questions.


Raise your hand if you think that bitch is about to ride that bike.

Had you been born elsewhere...

And then there's this...

Doctor: "Well, Mrs Jones, you are eating for two now!"
Her: "I'm pregnant?!"
Doctor: "No. You have a tapeworm."

That confused me for a second or two.

If you hold a gift card close enough to your ear you can hear the person who bought it saying, "this'll do."


Wasn't told who this artist is...
And with this one I knew where I had seen it before...

I knew that last one look familiar, then I remembered this...

Wedding receptions are fun until someone has too much champagne and starts a plastic knife fight over the biggest piece of cake. I need a ride home.

You ever been so mad you hit motherfuckers with another motherfucker?

The first guy who drank cow’s milk probably did a lot of other weird stuff.


Ran across these and it reminded me of Paris.

I held this postcard up in front of Notre Dame and kept moving to the left and right, in and out until I found the exact same vantage point Monet had when he painted it, then I looked down and there was a stone bench, and knew he must have sat right there all those years ago.
If you look very, very carefully, you can see that he sat in almost the exact same spot for all three paintings.

I'm going to give you a quick lesson in how to become a glass is half full kind of guy like me.

The next time you are in traffic, just be thankful that you are not in THIS traffic.
You may also keep in mind that you are not trying to rush a child to the emergency room. And your mother in law is not in the car with you. That you are pain free. That there is almost 0% that a bomb will go off near you. That you own an automobile.

And when that crazy driver cuts you off and drives on the breakdown lane, imagine him transporting a child to the emergency room...and smile that you didn't delay him needlessly.

There is an experiment in just that going on right this minute. In the Philippines not only are the police systematically murdering drug dealers, but any civilian who kills one will not be prosecuted. Time will tell the outcome of this grand experiment, but if I know anything about power I know it's hard to take back power once it is gone. And once the drug dealers are gone, maybe that go after prostitutes or petty criminals.

The perfect gift for everyone on your list...
And it's one a fucking clapper.
Leave 'em laughin', my mom always told me.

When people arrive for work at the boxing glove factory, do you think they punch in?


1 comment:

smk762 said...

"How can five pounds of gas produce 20 pounds of carbon?"

You Americans with your strange vocab and measurements.

I'm assuming the 5 pounds of "gas" is actually the liquid us Aussies call "petrol". Now, when you buy "gas" by the pound, is it weighed or measured as the space occupied (volume)?

I know you have fluid ounces, but not so sure on fluid pounds. Your whole system makes little sense to me.

Assuming fluid pounds are a thing, then it's not hard to see that 5 fluid pounds of "gas" in liquid form could become 20 fluid pounds of carbon in gaseous form (e.g. carbon dioxide, carbon monoxide etc).

20 fluid pounds of pure carbon seems unlikely though, as it would be a solid, so I recon their wording is misleading.

tl;dr - makes sense for volume, not for mass.

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