About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Wednesday, March 1, 2017


One Of My Very Own...

EMAIL: ralph.henry.at.folio.olio@gmail.com

Wagner- Bridal Chorus from Lohengrin.
Said to be the single most well-known piece of music ever composed.

Democrats refuse to help, opting to let the Republicans "own it." The US citizen be damned!


For the two or three people on earth who haven't seen Boston Dynamics' new robot - Handle

My old friend, a retired editor of a newspaper, discuss the NY Times Crossword each week. This week he commented that he had never seen the word offal. I took great delight in pointing out even my wife knew it. Here is an email from him:

"I just had this silly thought, vis-a-vis our conversation yesterday: Why hasn't some waggish so-and-so opened an eatery called "The Offal House" somewhere or, better still, catty-corner from a "Waffle House?""


That is what happens when you give every child a ribbon and insist that they all be placed in Advanced Academic Classes, which instead of bringing those little Snowflakes up just made the standards lower for all the real gifted students.
More than one executive has told me that they simply can't find employees ready to work. No matter what happens it is always somebody else's fault.
This is a disgrace.
How about we staff every government office (at every level) with vets and only hire civilians when every vet is employed.
Many young people today aren't even considering marriage as an option. They have given up on the whole concept.
Maybe that explains a little marriage decline.
I read an interesting article about how the brain works; specifically how we make decisions.
"We simply can not take the time to think about everything that we have to decide on. We (all of us) develop short-cuts, or hot keys if you will."

"You, me, everyone MUST assume most of what we encounter because our experience is mostly empty and we have to fill in the blanks with something." 

I am officially old. I don't understand any of this, and I need your help. Before someone, somewhere made up new words to cover every possible alternative to "normal" behavior (propagating the species), what did people with "unusual" sexual feelings call themselves; because I have never heard of them.
I predict that if they had grown up in a village in Kenya with no internet, those thoughts would never have even developed. I don't mean that some people aren't really themselves unless they dress like another sex, but I call that a guy that likes to dress like a woman. No big deal to me. You like to have sex with both guys and girls? You are a person who likes sex with both sexes. I don't give a shit. But please don't ask me to feel sorry for you, in the same way I don't expect you to feel sorry for me for really liking to have sex with a woman...one woman...my wife. Old fashion? Probably. But I just don't give a shit. If I offended you please chalk it up to ignorance, not spitefulness. And how did I become responsible for making everyone feel not offended? I do not have that kind of power and reject the implication that I do. But I'm not offended.
Now back to our brain. We all make assumptions. It is just a part of who we are as a species. You look at me and automatically see someone who is now awful at sex, can't drive very well, and doesn't give a shit anymore. You would be right.
But don't vilify me if using the same assumption criteria when I make a mistake about you. 

I remember when a hashtag was a pound symbol and we played Tic-tac-toe on that shit.


Underwater concrete sculptures doing exactly what they were designed to do.

But, you know, if we went to a planet that had once housed intelligent life and came upon the exact same thing, I am sure scientists would declare them some sort of god or goddess.
A company actually took a piece of pepperoni pizza and electroplated it in gold to prove they could plate anything.
I thought the resulting product was disappointing. I could have used a plywood ply and done the same thing...just put the jointing overlap next to the wall.
And so it began...
Impressionism endeavored to show not a detailed study of a scene or subject, but the artist's quick impression of what it looked like. 
Expressionism followed up with wanting to display the actual method; the required movement the brush and/or the body in order to produce the painting. Think Pollock. You can see every gesture he made pouring out the paint. I was trained an expressionist and I loved every second of it.

Thank you, craft beer breweries, for making my drinking problem seem like a neat hobby.


The Syrian Civil War
It's important to remember that this was not some village out in the dessert. This was a modern city with Apple Stores and McDonalds.

Nobody like dictators.
But you have to tread very, very carefully or that dictator will be replaced with something far worse.
"Then there's the CIA plot. ISIS is CIA. The FSA is CIA. The US always hated Assad's strong, independent voice in the Arab world, and they'll stop at nothing to overthrow him.
It's absolutely true the United States was funding Syrian opposition groups as far back as the Bush administration. It's also true that in Afghanistan the U.S. funded Afghan rebels who would go on to become the Taliban."
I have real mixed feelings about the use of drones.
On one hand I feel it's a coward's way to wage war. Then on the other hand there isn't that much difference between a drone and an artillery shell that travels 40 miles.
So let's laugh about it.

Today let your freak flag fly and be beautiful. But don't get arrested.


This is a international sign of...well, we all know what.
A "Spit Bull?"
So, so very true.

On our first date I sat down on the couch next to her and she leaned over and whispered, "That's the cat's spot."


We have a two fold problem: Beaches all over the world are being replenished with sea floor sand.
Desert and seafloor sand will not work to make concrete. There are real cases of sand theft where whole islands have disappeared and even people murdered.
I know I've posted this before, but it still awes me.
I think people with large dogs in the house ought to get lower insurance rates.
Then there is the "Welcome" sign.
And Scientology. And Rastas. Hell I might start a school of Pastafarians. Spaghetti every day.
What the hell is that?
Is that one of the kaiju mites from "Pacific Rim"?
This looks like an episode of Black Mirrors.
Remember that a US sub did this right on top of a Japanese tourist boat.
It was during that that I learned that the Japanese get real freaky about the bodies of their dead. The recovery divers had to do these ancient ceremonies and put the bodies in special wrappings...this after the crabs have been feasting on them for months.
This perfectly illustrates the new torpedoes designed to explode under the shit and simply break it in half.
This man was born with a rare disease known as Treacher-Collins syndrome.
Not exactly sure why it can't be fixed with bone transplants or something, but that's not the point. The point is that it is inherited and he chose to have a child. 
Remember that this is very rare disorder. There aren't that many people carrying the gene.
If all the sufferers today could make the sacrifice of not having children, then it should disappear.
Let me know you opinion. My jury is still out.

Carpe the fuck out of this diem!

I have posted this apology several times.
At the extreme bottom of this post we will explain that in MUCH greater detail.

WARNING: Please do not read it. It is insulting, juvenile, politically incorrect, demeaning, maybe ever cruel. Spare yourself the emotional energy of dealing with my depravity and just don't read it.


Damn, you are one brave motherfucker!

⚠ Trigger warning ⚠


That was just homebody's idea of a joke that was a perfect lead-in to this discussion.
I try my best to spread the insults around. If you feel offended by something, please remember that I have made fun of Christians, Muslims, Mormons, Atheists, and Scientologist...although they make it far too easy. I also harangue boy-raping Catholics, Americans, Russians, French, Canadians, Mexicans, the British and their stupid ass queen. 

I don't make fun of the Swede...they seem to have their shit together, expect for their food. You never see a Swedish restaurant. And before you Swedes counter with not seeing American restaurants in Europe, what about all those McDonalds, Pizza Huts, Starbucks, and KFCs IN...EVERY...CITY...IN THE WORLD YOU WHINY SWEDISH BASTARDS!?!?

Rapists, the raped, dead people, sick people, the mentally ill, Make A Wish Foundation for god's sake; the angry, homeless, college students, politicians, and Girl Scouts...yes, Girl Scouts. 
The powerful and the weak, the beautiful and the ugly, the tall and the short. Liberals and conservative, biker gangs, neighborhood watch, and rednecks even though I are one.
Gays, straights, asexuals, emos, goths, and tran, pan, fluid, drama queens, people who like to dress up as cartoon character to have sex, masturbators, non-masturbators, and cross dressers.
Reality TV, the news shows, the History Channel, Discovery, awards shows, live coverage of those stupid ass parades on holidays. Christmas, Thanksgiving, Ground Hog Day, Mother's Day, and even Independence Day and Valentine's Day. 

High heels, makeup, expensive nail jobs, clothes with no pockets, purses, and eyebrows that make women look foolish.
Once I made fun of the holocaust, but I'm not too proud of that one.
I have even made fun of my very own wife and she is the most perfect human being to ever don black leather and stiletto heels.
So, please don't think you are special if I aim my sick wit at you.
"I know dear, but you need to develop so kind of secret gaydar to pick out each of the hundreds of options."
To me, no one is special. All of us are simply human beings who should learn how to take a fucking joke.













Anonymous said...

I desire for everyone to understand that they are also queer as hell. I like new words. New words never hurt anyone except for the hurtful ones. Newer genders and newer sexualities won't hurt you. Might even help you. There is a social spiritual political connection to it all. I would argue that introducing new values into those realms doesn't make us worse off. I like transgender people because they narrow the chasm between genders. Suddenly we aren't all that different. I like trans racial because they blur lines of race. Suddenly we aren't all that different. I like trans species ppl because god damnit every living thing is connected and having a way to live that and show that is beautiful. Next time you see trans in front of anything just equate it to an art form.The way we live our lives is art anyway.

The Boy said...

Great blogging today. Lots to digest. Quick bit on Assad and Syria: it is interesting to say the least that the US has back opposition to Assad despite Syria, at one time, being a Middle East hub for westernization. Assad represents a distinct strain of secularist pan-Arabism that was wildly popular in the 1950s through the 1990s. He is certainly a dictator, but I believe we will look back in the coming years and draw parallels, however misguided they may be, between Assad's Syria and Saddam Husseins Iraq.

Anonymous said...

"How about we staff every government office (at every level) with vets and only hire civilians when every vet is employed."

I once had a job even though I only had a High School education. I did choose to take the job. It was a cool job. I got to play with some really neat stuff. Sometimes I really hated my job though. Some people were not nice to me. There were loud noises sometimes but I did get to travel. The pay was ok but not great. I did agree to take the job even though I knew, upfront, what the pay would be and I knew, upfront, what I’d be doing. One time an office worker from another company was hiding behind the door and jumped out…scared my to death. I got back to him and keyed his car in the parking lot.

After that, I had to quit my job. I was a wreck. I no longer could handle loud noises and stressful situations. I deserved more for even showing up for work at my old company!

My local engineering firm was hiring so I showed up for a job. I had no idea what they did. I told them I was a wreck but know how to play with really neat stuff and I like to travel. They were interviewing two candidates. The other guy was a police officer. He was more messed up than me but worked his way through night school to get a better job someday. As it turned out, because my other job ended up to be just like I thought it would be and messed me up so bad that I left the job, I was offered the job at the engineering firm…whatever they do.

Come to find out some folks passed a law that I had privilege to be hired over the poor police officer because even though I volunteered to work at my last company, I was special somehow. Folks that made other choices and are buried in debt, have college degrees and have worked very hard to be much more qualified than me, didn’t even get an interview! Thank you America! This engineering firm based in this country that made this discrimination law will be a world leader!!!

Thank you.
Commentary from a Federal Worker and Vet.

P.S. The Veterans Preference Act already exists. When a federal agency needs a new employee, they pull from a list of available ranked candidates. Veterans get a point preference. As long as they meet the bare minimum qualifications, they MUST be hired, unless they are specifically dis-qualified. I have never seen a vet get specifically dis-qualified. As a federal worker, I will tell you that the government is filled with these minimally qualified vets and the best qualified are discriminated against on a basis of personal choice. That is the sad truth. So the next time someone bashes the government, remember the best people didn’t even get an interview. Imagine if your local doctor’s office had to follow these rules. You’d get the care you’d expect—but you’d feel better by discriminating against the other doctor.

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