About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Saturday, April 15, 2017

SATURDAY #3037

One Of My Very Own...
WARNING: DO NOT WATCH 2 GIRLS, 1 CUP


Iron Butterfly - In a Gadda Da Vida
Crank that bitch up, y'all!


She will not be moved...
Sort of the whole point of the exercise wasn't it.

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Another day, another flight...

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A viewer finished viewing the post with the beer can holder in the hoodie and clicked on random post and was taken to a day that I had posted this.
What are the damn odds?

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I've noticed that the style now is for young men to get the Kim Un haircut...longish on the top and super short on the sides and back. What's up with that?

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UNITED EMPLOYEE: Beat this guy up so we can take the thing he paid for.

LITERALLY THE POLICE: Okay

That's the part that bothers me. The police do the bidding of a company.
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The bomb community is devastated after losing their mother.


The MOAB turning ISIS to WASWAS

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EASTER


One of my bartenders is going to a night time/flashlight Easter Egg Hunt for adults. Mini bottles, beer, gift cards, cash.


<>
Wife: The remote isn't working! And the TV's stuck on Food Network again!
Me: "Are you in the kitchen?"
Wife: Yes.
Me: "Honey, that's the microwave."


PEOPLE ARE ACTUALLY THE WEIRDEST SPECIES 
(some of these are a stretch)

Someone thought this would be a good idea.
The way it is posed I'm thinking art project.

But I watched another documentary about the shape of the cross used by the Romans and it was not a T. It was an X. Just think...you don't have to dig a hole every time, and they crucified thousands. With an X you merely propped it up.

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I'll never look at that sign the same way again.
The point is, some guy spend minutes out of his life to make that for us. Amazing.

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"Ignore this, my tits are down here..."
If only truth was told.

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There are humans who make things out of cash.
I plead guilty.

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Why men are better suited for combat.
That ought to come in......"handy."

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For a bunch of guys who were famously uptight about everything, the Nazis sure liked getting naked for no particular reason.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.

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"Yes, I'd like a one pump, low soy, macchiato. Oh and if you could imprint my face in the foam with cinnamon that'd be great."
Would you call that a mug shot?

Oh, great! Now the government has facial recognition beverages.

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I had a sculptor friend of mine who did something similar back in 1974.

He put chairs in the bed of his regular pickup truck, but they were Adirondack chairs like this.
He had a huge 6' sign hanging down the side of the bed that read "Southern Tours." He would load it up with friends and just drive around. 
That sort of thing used to be called an Art Performance. I don't know what they would call it now.

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The skills humans spend time mastering.

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I like people who tell it like it is.

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Problem solving at its finest...

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Yet this warning will yield zero change...
Its not a hard concept. Put down the phone and drive the damn car.

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Ladies and gentlemen, the Pioneer of reusable rocketry and future King of Mars.
One of the most creative people on the planet...

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I am not a fan of wasted hours playing silly games.
I showed this to a young manager at my bar and he knew EXACTLY what the scenario was to the above clip. Apparently there is a gaff like thing you can throw to hook one thing up to another.
He looked at me inquisitively and all I could say is, "Does that sound like a sane thing for an adult, human, American male to spend time on?"
He shrugged and said, "It's fun."
Now I have mentioned before that I would probably master every fucking video game on the planet if there was a way to win money. But to play for nothing? I just don't get it.
Why not spend the time to learn how to play the flute? Or speak a foreign language?

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This person's brain tells her she is too fat. She really, really believes it.
Am I under any obligation to respect her identity perception? If who you are is purely a matter of the mind, then how am I to respond when she tells me she is fat?

Example 2:
In this person's brain, seatbelts are racist. To be politically correct, should I respect that?

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There are only two reasons I think those fuckers do such things. One is that it is considered a delicacy, and the other is that it will make your dick hard(er). Pretty flimsy motivation if you ask me.

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Had it been a realistic vagina, the first guy who came along would have laid down on it.

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[verification needed]

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A note to the surgeons before open heart surgery.
Yeah, that's something I would do.

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Innovation. It's like our motto.

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Female Kurdish Fighters because I like female Kurdish fighters.
And with all our intelligence and creativity we still kill one another. More precisely, old men tell young men and woman to go kill one another.

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Fight Club: Teaches you how imaginary friends can become more popular than you are.


NATURE AND SCIENCE

Technically, Jupiter does not orbit the sun.
Jupiter is big enough that the center of gravity between it and the sun doesn't actually reside inside the sun, rather at a point in space just above the sun's surface.

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"This isn't a phase. This is who I am!"
I bet it doesn't fuck around with a porcupine again.

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The caption read: "Rope Tornado being Absorbed by a Wedge Tornado"


But I have seen (and looked on line for a long time) ground tracks through a field of the "main" tornado and it's wide path of destruction, but then there were what they called "sisters" that spiraled along beside it. It was stated that the sisters were the cause of the seemingly random destruction of homes.

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Sign maker who knew of whence he speaks...

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Earth Porn at its finest.
Waves - scale  not known.

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I wonder if it is just play or is it injured or has a parasite or some such shit. It's not like it can just reach up and scratch his ear.

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What's the most powerful thing in the universe? A star? A supernova? A black hole? None of those compare to the epic awesomeness that is a blazar. A blazar is the Turducken of awesome space objects: it's a supermassive black hole inside a radioactive accretion disk inside an active galaxy. Oh, and it shoots jets of radiation from either end at close to the speed of light, right in our direction. 

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None of this upbeat "celebration of life" shit. I've decided I want a sad funeral. I want sobbing, people vomiting with grief...at least 2 suicides.


THE USES OF LANGUAGE


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And, you know, they did just that.

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This is what pisses me off about House Hunters and such shows...

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I so want one of those stickers.

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All things Ralph...

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Give it a minute to read this and see if you can make any sense as to why it had to be written this way.
Answer at the end of this section directly below. Don't give up to quickly. 

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Get it?
Horse-drawn carriage

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Why the review was written with only letters in the left side of the keyboard...

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Judge: How do you plead?
Me: No further questions your honor.

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If you don't understand his point, prohibition allows for the cartel to grow by guaranteeing them a source of income while simultaneously taking down their small competition in cities across America. He's not saying this is the intent of the federal government. But a terrible, unintended consequence. 


4 comments:

Anonymous said...

"Am I under any obligation to respect her identity perception? If who you are is purely a matter of the mind, then how am I to respond when she tells me she is fat?"

Excellent point.

Keep up the good work.
-Paul

Ninja Grrrl said...

I haven't done it for a few months at least, but I used to always try to flash security cameras,eithet that or at least make a goofy face. If anyone ever has to review the footage, they'll thank me for making their day a little less boring.

Ralph Henry said...

Oh NG you inspired me. Now I'm going to flash every camera I come across.

Anonymous said...

Even more entertaining, you could come across every camera you flash...although aim is of the essence.

psm

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