About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Saturday, June 24, 2017

SATURDAY #3107

One Of My Very Own...



I SEE A BAD MOON ARISING



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Current administration...

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Real headline in USAToday:




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I remember the first time my wife and I had sex very well. She said, "I have to be on top because I'm not taking my backpack off just for this."


I SEE A BAD MOON ARISING


M1 Abrams shrugs off direct hit.
Of course every advanced nation on the planet has similar armor nowadays. That's what happens when you are fighting a rag-tag army with WWII weaponry.

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That guy needs to work on his camera skills. Damn, I got dizzy.

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I watched this live on TV.
I was 16 years old and can still remember the conspiracy talk around the dinner table even back then. That incident only fueled the fire.

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Ever wonder what would happen if you hit a cop with a bag full of dog shit?
Do these people never get on the internet? The outcome is extremely foreseeable.

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Wrong store for your shit...
That's not pepper spray, it's bear spray. But the male store owner can only resort to spanking an armed assailant while his wife goes full Seal Team 6 on his head?

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And sometimes I hear people say we now live in the worst of times.


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None of us are nearly happy enough that spiders don't fly.


ANIMALS DOING WHAT ANIMALS DO

I stand in awe. And those magnificent sumbitches are on our side.

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Elephant herd rushes to welcome an orphan to the family.
I think that are playing a game of "Let's scare the shit out of the new guy."

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I'm assuming that's a young, inexperienced fox who is unaware of fox rule number one: kill first, steal second.

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I wonder if it was taught to do that like that dog kept the kid out of the surf.


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There is exactly 45 seconds between my wife saying "I'll make you an omelet" and "We're having scrambled eggs."


SOME FUNNY ASS SHIT

Please take the time to read these.
I thought that hilarious!

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When your wife asks you why her hand lotion is on your side of the bed.
I've never understood why such things would be embarrassing. After doing it at my age I tell everybody I meet that day.

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This is absurd on multiple levels. Let's start with a man who molested a young boy at 1 o'clock can say a magic spell at 2 o'clock and turn regular tap water into a magic potion. 

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I've found my favorite headline of all time.

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That woman's laugh is contagious...except for that one guy.

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Just a reminder to your ladies, camping comes with a Rule 39 that requires you to get naked.

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"Why did you fuck her ten more times then?" 
"I was just getting enough data points for my results to be statistically significant, baby!"


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My 4-yr old niece: I went to the Empire State Building
Me: Oh?
Her: It's so tall, I almost touched the moon!
Me: Oh you are so full of shit!


HUMANS BEING HUMAN

Black Friday in US.

Black Friday in Canada.
(maybe not factual)

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They all must have missed the class on the dangers of static load.

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Yeah, we are going to lose our shit over global warming when we don't even care about the overwhelming data about our own fat ass bodies.

Same goes for this bullshit.
Now think about sitting in a 3 ton machine going 55 mph mere inches from another machine just like it, and not looking where you are going. I mean, looking where you are going is like rule number one of locomotion, and millions of people ignore it multiple times daily.

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Us men know the pain of the struggle.

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See anything odd?

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Boy, would I like to know the back story to that.

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Sound advice, that.


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I like how liquor stores wrap booze bottles in complimentary barf bags.


THINGS TO LEARN

Under an Alaskan Glacier.
I chipped off a few shards off the bottom of a glacier in Alaska and have it in a sealed container. I call it my million year old water and if that's not true I don't want to know about it.

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Nothing says "fuck capitalism" like starting a small business - you twat.

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Purdue researchers have developed technology for an “instantly rechargeable” battery that is affordable, environmentally friendly, and safe. Currently, electric vehicles need charging ports in convenient locations to be viable, but this battery technology would allow drivers of hybrid and electric vehicles to charge up much like drivers of conventional cars refill quickly and easily at gas stations.



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I've been preaching this for years...

These comments on diamonds:

- DeBeers controls a cartel which limits the supply of diamonds. "Blood" diamonds was a tool to keep non-cartel diamonds off the market.

- My wife didn't want any of this bullshit. I honestly don't think I could have married someone so materialistic as to demand diamonds

- My wife's ring was made using gems from a pair of earrings my grandmother owned. It's more special and DeBeers can go fuck itself.

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Second item is interesting, at least to me. I once wrote a silly book and at every turn I asked myself "What would nobody expect to happen right now." Then I would write it in the plot and have to make sense of it later. Example: A midget biker walks into a wake where the dead guy is on display, then he pulls out his 12" dick and urinates on the body. 
Yeah, I told you it was silly.

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London Has Fallen was a pretty good movie.

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The Crown Prince of Bhutan with his Mother, The  Queen.

In some countries saying such a thing is a crime.

If you want to know who your slave master is, look for who you are not allowed to make fun of. 


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Tonight was supposed to be date night but instead I’m heading to the grocery store because my wife just texted me an eggplant emoji.

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I have a real thing about littering.

We don't even throw our cigarette butts on the sand.

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