One Of My Very Own...
I FOUGHT THE LAW AND THE LAW WON
A NEW STUDY
Why do so 18% of English speakers hate the word “moist.” It turns out it has to do with both word association with gross things like human body fluid and, more significantly, the bandwagon effect.
This is the perfect Happy Dance!
That HAD to make you smile.
I've finalized my funeral arrangements. The wife went with the bouncy house, clowns & magic show, but balked at the pony rides.
ART AND ARCHITECTURE, ETC
This guy is amazing.
This in New York.
Hell, I don't know.
I have always found it very difficult to paint children.
Once the funding source lady asked me to use her daughter as a model. I told her I could make no promises. It ended up that the six year old looked more like a 12 year old. Six years after I painted it, she called and told me her now 12 year old looks exactly like the painting.
I think a lot about children lately. I miss my grandson so much. Never felt anything like it.
We might be at the top of the food chain, but let's not be too full of ourselves. After all, some of us can be felled by a single peanut.
HUMANS ARE FUCKING AMAZING
Guy in blue is not a known giver of fucks...
Michael Jordan's pre-game tradition.
This guy is in O'Hare Airport.
I adore clever problem solvers.
"I did a static jump - jumped out alone but the cord was attached to the plane to deploy the chute for me."
Checked the chute, everything looked good. And then at about 1,000 feet I passed out, and with my luck I landed in the runway and then was dragged about 25 feet face first. My wife jumped after me and all she could hear in her headset was "CALL 911" We have since married and I am the luckiest man alive.
You and I send thousands of young men and women to fear shit like this every hour of every day of their young lives.
There may be little pieces of a comrade's legs from that very scene lying about and they...just...ignore them.
A man can say to another man something like this...
And they understand one another.
Said to be Bonnie and Clyde.
Bonnie and Clyde? How can I trust anything when shit like this happens all the time.
I read somewhere that Clyde had a huge shlong.
The pictures seem to prove it.
Or was that John Dillinger?
Friend: "Listen to this. I had wine delivered the other night and I ended up having sex with the delivery girl."
Me: "There's WINE delivery?"
Me: "There's WINE delivery?"
THE ROMAN CATHOLIC INQUISITION, women were thrown off of high castle walls as punishment for "crimes."
Ever since Eve, women have always been the evilest of sexes. You can still find that shit in modern society.
Yeah, that tells me we should never put men in charge of shit cause they will blame women every damn time.
But, bless their souls, many (most) women seem to relish playing the part of dumb broad.
Some man once told women that they should walk around on tip toes because it made their calves look sexy.
And women demanded shoes that torture their feet, but, damn, their calves make men look.
Maybe it all began when created ballets that demanded women dance like this.
Then men said to their girlfriends, "I want you to walk around like that all day because of...you know...calves." And more to the point, tens of millions of women said, "Oh, sure, dear."
I will bet money that this woman went to her prom and will walk down the aisle at her wedding, wearing uncomfortable footwear just so her calves are at maximum appealability.
Share the load, indeed. Ladies, if you are living with or married to (god forbid) a man who thinks housework is women's work, you need to reassess your opinion of this guy.
The five second dropped food rule does not apply to soup.
OBJECTS OF INTEREST
Of all people on Earth I deserves a box of these more than any other.
"Because we use 0% cows, the Impossible Burger uses a fraction of the Earth’s natural resources. Compared to cows, the Impossible Burger uses 95% less land, 74% less water, and creates 87% less greenhouse gas emissions. And it’s 100% free of hormones, antibiotics, and artificial ingredients."
It's hard to explain exactly what a flag means to some people.
It might be a form of protest to you, but to all those people who have seen it draped over the coffin of their best friends, it means something else entirely. You might just keep that in mind.
Little Orphan Annie's song "The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow" is a little insensitive to the population of Alaska.
NON-BORING VOLUME ADJUSTMENTS
And my favorite...
I once read that a normal person's wildest dream of what can be accomplished, there are smart people already working on it already. Now think what possibilities smart people are dreaming about.
Genie: you have three wishes.
Me: ok i wish "three" meant 1000.
Genie: it's done. you have two wishes left.
Me: wait i wish "two" meant 1000!