About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Saturday, June 17, 2017

SATURDAY WOOD #3100

One Of My Very Own...


LOOKING OUT MY BACK DOOR



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Big ovation for David Bailey, 1 of 2 officers credited with preventing a massacre at the congressional baseball practice.

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Somebody told me that in some cities, for an additional fee Amazon will guarantee 2 hour delivery. I'm assuming it's from a limited item catalogue. 



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Wrestling: A sport where people without pants fight for a belt.


JUST FOR LAUGHS


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Problem solver.

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And so it is.

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“I don’t like the climate, the people, their way of life. Nothing ever happens and then one morning you wake up and find that you are 65.” 
- William Faulkner


ART AND ARTISTS

Artwork from the DAE Crew in NYC
Nice.
Notice that one yellowish tooth.

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Brett Kern's ceramics look like inflatables.

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"Some people see faces in everything—in clouds, in the arrangement of faucets on a sink, on a power socket, and on the facade of a building. But the enormous face on this 32-story apartment building at the Carlton end of Swanston Street, in Melbourne, is not an illusion."
"The face has actually been sculpted on to the building's southern and eastern facades by the creative use of negative spaces formed by white balconies against black windows. An architectural world’s first, the building named “Portrait” stands at the former Carlton United and Brewery site on Swanston Street."

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It's not that cats are evil, he just lacks empathy and he goes into a dissociative state and commits atrocities. 


THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW YESTERDAY


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What Happens Next?


A: She falls taking the lamp with her.

B: The spiral stairs collapses one step at a time.

C: A huge bison casually walks into the room.
D: She jumps down to scare her brother and he knocks her out with one punch.

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A grandson of German immigrants, Theodor (without an “e”) was born in Springfield, Massachusetts, on March 2, 1904. Seuss was his mother’s maiden name. While the actual German pronunciation of “Seuss” rhymed with “voice,” the American pronunciation, rhyming with “juice,” stuck.

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C: A huge bison casually walks into the room.

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The difference between men and woman can be discerned with this one clip...
Women will cringe with empathy and men will laugh and call him a dumb fuck.

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When someone tells you their child's name, try adding "Like the murderer?!"


CONCERNING YOUR HOST

One of the few things about our prolonged roadtrips were highways with expansion joints.
They decided the expansion joints were necessary to keep the highway from buckling when it got hot.
Come to find out, they were unneeded, since the road would just expand width-wise anyway.

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This is a dying art.

Today, you can buy your decorations pre-made, then you just glue them on.


My wife used to be in the consignment furniture business. I would cull the items for the occasional gem. Here are a few of my finds.

 The bed and wardrobe is, in fact, hand carved.

 I know this because there are errors. The errors only add to its charm.


Here a hand-made chair.

 If you look carefully you will notice the slats in the back are not identical, nor are the turned legs.

This homemade rocking chair is a work of art.


But notice that the large turned spindles on the outside are not identical.

But these are the real treasure.

The chair on which a portrait of my wife as a young woman is very old.

Sorry about the quality, but it does show the design of the back.

An 85 year old woman consigned six of these and I bought them all.
 The woman said that her father made the frame then her mother and the children twisted boiled corn shucks into ropes that was used to make the seat. I forbid anyone to actually sit in the chairs. I think they belong in a museum.

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When I'm called "selfish" for not using social media "like normal people"
Then they (experts all) tell me being on Facebook would help spread my blog. I just show them these two maps.
And I thank each and every one of you.

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I DO THIS! I guess everyone thinks I'm just diverting my gaze or looking out into the distance, but I really imagine looking over at an omnipotent observer.


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Ever been so frustrated that you skipped anger and went straight to laughing like a lunatic?


BAD BOYS AND GIRLS

Before scrolling down, guess what these three men were in the middle of doing when they were arrested.



According to the officers, a bizarre crime scene was quickly uncovered upon entering the basement. The three men were sitting in a circle on the basement’s concrete floor and ritualistically chanting while eating what police initially believed was an animal carcass, but was later identified as human remains.


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This guy sitting in a theater with his wienie in his hand...

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There is no end to the work a thief will go through just to see that my account is overdrawn.

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A young friend told me he had had Taco Bell at 9 am. I said, "You're not planning on having children are you?"


THINGS FLYING THROUGH THE AIR



There is something oddly mesmerizing about watching that.

Did you feel yourself grunt every once in a while as if helping the guy?


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Protest Level: Expert

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This is a 1949 sci-fi book.
The king of Mars was named "Elon."

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Laser being used to knock a drone out of the sky.

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Let's revisit this gem...
Reader - "I don't like reposts no matter how cool they are."

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In all seriousness, do you think this young man could ever get over the emotional scarring?


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My wife doesn't sing in the car. She performs.

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And that truth is that you have no idea what's going to happen after you die and you solved that problem by taking your parent's word for it.


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