About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Sunday, June 18, 2017

SUNDAY LANGUAGE DUMP #3101

One Of My Very Own...




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Michelle Carter guilty

The judge has found Michelle Carter guilty of involuntary manslaughter for sending her boyfriend a barrage of text messages urging him to kill himself when they were both teenagers. She faces a sentence of probation to 20 years in jail. She is to be sentenced on August 3. 

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Everybody should eat at least one fried Twinkie.
My bar now serves them and I took the plunge. It really wasn't all that bad....once.



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Is coral the stupidest animal or the smartest rock?


WORDS TO AMUSE


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This is that guy from all those elementary math problems!

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I was fast and strong when I was younger. The kids at school used to call me Spiderman because my uncle was murdered.


THINGS ABOUT ME YOU MAY NOT KNOW

Close your eyes and make a wish...
I used to be a practical joker, but not a mean one. I had talked to several of the staff at my bar about me giving them a $100 bill, then when my daughter came with my grandson, the cohorts would walk up to the table, slip me the $100, kiss the back of my hand and walk off without a word. They would have done it, too, but I forgot to organize it any farther. Bummer, that.

I still try to take one joke or gag with me to my bar each afternoon.
Try this: Sit down at a bar stool, look at the bartender with a knitted brow and say "What the hell did you say to your barber?" no matter what his hair looks like.

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I was trained an Expressionist and loved every moment of it.
What most people don't realize is that when you work fast, you throw away (recycle) at least 19 out of 20 efforts because they lack the magic.

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Despite what some readers think, I don't give a shit what anyone does with their genitalia.

I am a little miffed that no matter what a person's problems are in this country, they blame it on me - straight white guy. 

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When my two daughters were in elementary school my wife and I were getting nickel and dimed to death for pencils, paper, etc. So we decided to give them $7 a week to buy such things. Any leftover money they could save for fancy name brand clothing instead of sensibly priced items. They agreed whole heartily.
After the first week I sat them down to receive their second installment and gave the first one $5.50 and the second one $6. After howls of protest I took out a piece of paper and began to read: "Do you remember me asking you if you wanted me to take you empty coke can to the trash, and you said Yes, well I get 50 cents for that. And your pair of shoes left in the middle of the living room. I get 50 cents for that too.
Gentle Read, all I had to do for the next 10 years was just to ask them if they wanted to clean up their mess and they instantly jumped to their feet to do it themselves...for free.

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I come from a long line of gamblers.
Here is the bet list (at $5 a pop) of the time one of wedding party would arrive.


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We get it poets; things are like other things.


LET'S LEARN SOMETHING


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Methane bubbles.

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I researched that and it's true.

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They use no hooks.
The fish bite is strong enough to lift themselves out of the water, then when the resistance eases they 'unbite' and release. I wonder how long it took to figure out how to do that.

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From the BBC One Nature Series On "Super Smart Animals": "These amazing elephants are put through their paces to challenge their cognitive ability when dealing with a complex level of cooperation, more often associated with human beings."

This is short and well worth the watch.


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Naked Argentine Feminists Protest The Mistreatment Of Women In Argentina
"Put me in the game, coach!"

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We find that funny, but in my opinion that only reinforces women in the role of temptress and whore. It's like men are not responsible for themselves when it comes to impulse control, it is up to the women not to tempt. Who the fuck thought up that system?

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We think we can have world peace when shit like this is encouraged?


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Maybe millennials are so lazy because their generation doesn't have a hit song about taking care of business.


WHEN BAD THINGS HAPPEN

This took me a moment...
What's he selling, glockomoli?

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Welcome to Texas, motherfucker!

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Hurricane season ... Evacuate if told to. Don't put emergency workers at risk by being stupid. Don't be that guy.
Most of the citizens of New Orleans were NOT victims of the storm. They were victims of their own stupidity. Half had running autos in their drive-way. Most of the others had transportation that was provided and turned it down. Surely we learned our evacuation lesson from that embarrassing fiasco. Oh, and after it was all over, who did they blame? The white guy.

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From a man that seemed to know, police officers have a trickle down and a trickle up competency movement.

 The best of small town law enforcement migrate up to ever larger and larger cities. And the reverse is true: the worse in large cities migrate down to smaller towns.


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Add sharks and you've got a blockbuster on your hands...

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Whirlicote at spelling bee at the buzzer.
You really need to see this. Watch the clock.


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The game Hangman teaches you kids that if they don't learn to spell they could be put to death.

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