About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Friday, July 14, 2017

FRIDAY #3125

One Of My Very Own...



Preservation Hall Jazz Band - Shake That Thing


A massive chunk of ice the size of the state of Delaware has broken off from the Larsen ice shelf in Antarctica. The piece of ice, which is now an iceberg measuring 2,200 square miles, is currently floating in the Weddell Sea. 
The Larsen ice shelf is now 12 percent smaller, the smallest it has ever been in recorded history. The iceberg is one of the largest recorded and its future progress is difficult to predict. It may remain in one piece but is more likely to break into fragments.

And my local newspaper felt compelled to print this headline...

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Need a good reason?
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MOSUL, THE STALINGRAD OF IRAQ

Mosul dates back at least 25 centuries, and by the time ISIS took it the population was around 1 million people. By all accounts they governed the city with extreme viciousness and terror, and worst of all they refused to let civilians flee. Iraqi forces, with Western and allied help, fought long and hard to take the city back. No one yet knows how many civilians have died in the fighting. The capture of Mosul, the second largest city in Iraq, is without a doubt a major defeat for ISIS. However that organization will probably not vanish -- most likely they'll go underground as they lose more territory.
(I should have included that with the images yesterday)



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What happens in Vegas shows up on your credit card statement the following month.


FUN WITH PHOTOSHOP

I normally avoid photoshop stuff as much as is possible these days, but these made me smile and I hope you smile also.









And...from Granny not having fun...

To...










At first I thought this was photoshopped...

But it is not.


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I hate when I'm cleaning my studio and I accidentally go take a nap until bed time.


PEOPLE DOING THINGS 
I CAN'T OR WON'T DO

I'm trying to teach my wife how to do that so she can entertain us during our beach trip next summer.

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Schools spend so much time an money trying to get parents and family to shut the fuck up when their loved one's name is announced. I used to get upset about it also and the rowdy group was always either rednecks or black people. But then I realized that the person might be the very first person in their family to graduate.
I suggest the dispense with the name calling and just have a large digital sign directly above the spot where they shake hands and collect their certificate, and on this sign have the graduate's name. With that there's no arresting celebrants or irritating the other parents.

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Guy drinking beer: Fucks given - 0.

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The exact moment you know you are fucked.
I have nightmares about doing that to my beard...true.

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Woman chases down and runs over a guy that just stole her purse.

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Dear lord, no.


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"I Think I Will Have A Beer" 

   - an autobiography


STUFF TO LEARN

HoloFountain in China

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A facility for testing a variety of wave and tidal situations.
You want to know if your new cruise ship will turn over in heavy seas? Put a model in that thing. Plus it can tell you the best angle to attack said wave.

Speaking of boats...
Want a longer boat? Cut it in half and add a section.

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Keep an eye on China.

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Orbital Rings - The grand daddy of space launch technology.
Way cooler than space elevators.
A guy just released a COMPREHENSIVE video about the technology:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LMbI6sk-62E

"Lets get one thing straight though - You do NOT need any uninvented technology in order to construct an orbital ring. Everything we need is already being applied in the industry in one shape or another. The only reasons for not building one are political and financial. Also most people don't even know this concept exists since the media has created this unreasonable fixation with space elevators." 


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This is what causes most urban sinkholes.
And, I'm assuming, why they are all more or less round.

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They have a very sophisticated survey for rating happiness. It has to do with the time the average person spends on feel good and feel bad activities.

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 Some Olympians have been training since they were 5. I just hoped my 6yo came home from summer camp with  both her shoes.


LANGUAGE


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Police responding to a code 241.
That took me much longer than it should have.

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I had the time of my life in art school. And what they say about unbridled sex is absolutely true.


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 Showing that you can fit your fist in your mouth on the first date is only sexy if you can get it back out afterward.


PAINTED THINGS

Factual? Hell, I don't know. But remember how the Indians feel about cows.

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ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. (WFLA) — You could call it a derrière dilemma, a keister caper, or even a rump riddle. Ah, yes. It is sixth-grade humor at its finest with endless comical posterior possibilities. At the end of the day, however, what’s now being called “butt graffiti” is ultimately illegal.

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This is not really painted, but I had no other place to put it.


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I hate how my friends' wives make pancakes that look like animals my wife can't make pancakes that look like pancakes.


ODDNESSES

I like to look at that every once in a while.

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Oh, my.

Speaking of...

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Do you remember the hotel clerk during Spring Break asking how many room keys I would you like and you said 37.

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ERIN GO BRAGH

I'm assuming this is Northern Ireland.

I'm also assuming it is during "The Troubles."

As I understand it, the British have to occupy Northern Ireland to keep the peace. If they leave they fear a blood bath - With two sworn enemies going for each other's throat. All because you worship a foreign pope or a domestic pope.

How absolute absurd.


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