One Of My Very Own...
Dolly Parton, Jolene
My bartender likes this song.
NEWSY BITS MOVED TO THE END OF POST TO GIVE THE GIFS TIME TO LOAD.
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Am I perfect? No. But am I striving to be a better person every day? Also no.
PEOPLE
Honestly, truly, I say shit like that all the time.
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Yo.
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N!xau, a San from the Kalahari Desert, was discovered by director Jamie Uys and cast in the lead role in the 1980 movie The Gods Must Be Crazy (1980).
He received only a few hundred dollars for his work in that film, but was astute enough to negotiate for over half a million for his appearance in the sequel, The Gods Must Be Crazy II (1989). When he was discovered by Jamie Uys, the South African director of the film, he had only had minimal exposure to modern life. He had only seen three white people in his life before being cast and had never seen a settlement larger than the houses of the San people.
His name is a usual transliteration of his original language, Ungwatsi, which uses clicking sounds that have no equivalent letter in the Roman alphabet.
Note: Their spelling bees must be a hoot.
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Want to take a guess?
He's a special effects artist.
You know, you could scare the holy shit out of people with those...in a restaurant, your dentist's, communion. The list is endless.
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Dogs may just be pretending to like us.
Yeah, but I know cats don't even bother to pretend.
Yeah, but I know cats don't even bother to pretend.
PLACES
Blowing on a straw into a bottle of liquid in space - What do you think will happen?
A: Absolutely nothing.
B: The liquid will fly around the room.
C: Something not too funny.
D: Something hilarious.
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I'm think his tires must make contact with the bottom. Anybody?
But it looks to me like he did it with his windows open.
That, Gentle Reader, is confidence.
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It was stated that this was in Tunisia, but there was a controversy over it's name.
The only descriptive was: "You'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy."
My kind of place.
My kind of place.
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When you're just not too creative...
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Waterfall in Iceland
Sometimes when I think about such places and know I will never see them, I get a little sad. Then I think that I did get to see the birth of my two daughters, so that more than makes up for it.
But I can imagine the folks who commute past that thing to work every day get inured to it just like people do to every thing too familiar.
But I can imagine the folks who commute past that thing to work every day get inured to it just like people do to every thing too familiar.
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As I promised...
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I don't know where this is, and nor do I care, but I would assume it has near zero friction.
So there is a person living among us who sees such a wonderful thing and his first thought is to grab a can of spray paint and put his name on it.
Jeez, what a prick.
Jeez, what a prick.
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D: Something hilarious.
But technically it did end up flying around the room.
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Someone in Africa should start a rumor that the eyes of a poacher will cure HIV or make your dick hard.
THINGS
If this is what it takes to get Emilia Clarke to ride me, I'm in.
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How clever.
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Tardigrade at Shoals Marine Lab.
Turns out Tardigrades are terrible at walking, but great at surviving just about anyway.
Found in lichen on a rock outside the commons at Shoals Marine Lab, Appledore island, ME. Video taken at about 45x magnification through a dissection scope!
But in its defense, he's swimming and has nothing to walk on, you insensitive prick.
But in its defense, he's swimming and has nothing to walk on, you insensitive prick.
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Detect anything old?
It's a cake!
Everything on the board is edible.
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If you think you are a useless human being, try online dating. You will discover whole new lows you never knew existed.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?
I can almost guarantee you that both those guys have had their ass kicked by a black kid in school on more than one occasion.
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Fun fact: FDR's family got their fortune from the opium trade.
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Caption read something like: "Video evidence the world is flat. Forward before the deniers have it wiped from the internet."
This is getting embarrassing.
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In the South, if a man calls you "sir" in two consecutive sentences, you are about to get your ass kicked. Write that shit down, y'all.
LANGUAGE USAGE
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"...eminent practitioner of this manly art."
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I had no idea you could buy this stuff. I've just been using alcohol.
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"Doctor's orders, Honey."
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I found that very funny, because I love dogs.
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Tucker and Dale vs. Evil
You know late at night when you are watching a movie after one or two or eighteen beers and you just want to share a few lines, you know what I mean?
But their sight gags are screamers...
No pun intended.
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I got this sent to me the other day.
I got this sent to me the other day.
How rude.
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A STROLL DOWN MEMORY LANE
This reaction is so wonderful, especially her eyes openings with a slight delay, that's her 15 minutes of fame and may it last for decades.
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Why put a round pizza in a square box, then eat it in triangles?
(that is not funny nor interesting, but they can't all be gems...the first rule of blogging)
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NEWSY BITS
I took on all comers in laying bets on the fight.
I, of course, not being retarded, took Mayweather.
And this is me at the conclusion of the bout.
My victory dance looked very similar to this...
This was my reaction to all those "experts" at my bar trying to explain why their man lost.
But MMA fans felt compelled to support their guy, so I let them rant on, while I sit there like this.
McGregor made weight despite giant wiener.
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Not me. I completely, totally agree with this guy.
There is a stretch of the river in Columbia that is great for rafting and such. Thousands of people enjoy it every year.
Well, the river comes from run off from the damn of the huge Lake Murray, and periodically they open the spillway, causing the river to swell and speed up considerably.
To get the people off the river prior to opening the spillway, they installed many very loud sirens and flashing lights. But, of course, there are some who ignore the warnings and are killed or have to be rescued. There is a move afoot to charge these stupid bastards for their rescue...sometimes requiring a helicopter.
I suggest you do the same for people who choose not to evacuate prior to landfall.
Then there's this wonderful lady delivering beer...
I hope she survived.
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I would love to read that.
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Bartender told me that an old white guy at the bar told him, "Black people are trying to take over the world."
The bartender asked me what I would have said to him, and I replied, "I would have said, 'I know. I have three black friends who have told me the same thing! They have all been going to special meetings on Wednesday nights to plan the final assault.'"
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Temperatures in the 80s and still August. Relatively easy summer here, thank goodness.
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Bartender told me that an old white guy at the bar told him, "Black people are trying to take over the world."
The bartender asked me what I would have said to him, and I replied, "I would have said, 'I know. I have three black friends who have told me the same thing! They have all been going to special meetings on Wednesday nights to plan the final assault.'"
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Temperatures in the 80s and still August. Relatively easy summer here, thank goodness.
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Why do all girls put their fingers to their mouths following a tragedy?
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