About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Monday, January 8, 2018

MONDAY #3302

One Of My Very Own

EMAIL: ralph.henry.at.folio.olio@gmail.com

Johann Strauss II - The Blue Danube Waltz

NEWSY BITS

I wish them the best of luck.

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Fuck that bitch.

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This is how I must dress INSIDE MY OFFICE. We have to leave all the faucets dripping. When I exit my bar to smoke I have to get in the truck and crank up the heater.
And for you people who say, "It's only 19. Where I live it's...." You can't imagine the intensity of fuck I don't give for how cold it is where you live. I live in the South and we can't even spell Arctic Vortex much less understand it. 
So until Spring if my blogs turn dark, blame it on the torturous weather.



FUN WITH LANGUAGE


Can you read this?
The black is the voids.

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Well, of course it is, darlin'.

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Either it was someone's last day on the job or it was hacked.

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Remember...FAST.

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Well, of course they do, darlin'.

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Why does that not surprise me?

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Soulmate sounds like something Satan puts in his coffee.

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CRINGE INDUCING

Geeez.

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Kind of looks like my wife in the winter.

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Remember this?
One of the creepiest things on the internet.

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I wonder if that is for coming or going? Entrance or exit?

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Kill it with fire.

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That's...that's...just embarrassing.

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In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for assholes.

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ART I CAN TOLERATE


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I bet she has a toe ring.

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I would have liked that much more if it wasn't shaped like a heart.

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These people probably LIKE snow.

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The only thing that should be harder to buy than a gun is a fedora.

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LEARNING NEW THINGS IS GOOD

Die Hard death infographic

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I'm going to let these amazing images speak for themselves.



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Official finish line photo- Secretariat won the 1973 Belmont Stakes by 31 lengths to capture the Triple Crown 

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There are billions and billions of pictures that exist only as 1s and 0s in a code that when translated shows you that image on a screen. I find that interesting.

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Fuck the critics.

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The British...go figure.

They pronounce Sch(k)edule as Shedule. But don't pronounce School as Shool. Or do they?

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The earliest-known eutherian mammal hunting on a tree fern. A shrew-like animal that snagged insects from ferns lining the shores of freshwater lakes 160 million years ago, might be one of the first "true" mammals to walk the Earth, back when the dinosaurs roamed, a new fossil suggests.
Fact: The closest relative to that mammal could only be found on one island. They had lived there for millions of years. Then humans came and brought their house cats and now that noble mammal is extinct. I will never forgive cats for that.

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Look at the muscles in that man's forearm.

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Uncanny Valley
The "uncanny valley" is the well-known propensity for us to get super creeped out by robots that look nearly, but not completely, human.

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SpaceX Dec 22 Launch
The large plume in the second stage is from the single Bell Nozzle of the second stage at high altitude.
The second stage during the SpaceX live webcast. The left side is the view from the surface, you can see the wider plume along the bottom and the right side is the second stage engine.


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10,000 horses were killed at the Battle of Waterloo.
[ or so I'm told ]

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SMILE INDUCING


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All things Ralph...

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Can't you just smell this...
I used to love doing the cooking on camping trips.

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Granny doesn't fuck around.

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I've made plenty of mistakes.
And every time I did, I would think that it could have been much worse and that somehow made me feel better.

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My brother-in-law did this very thing when he moved.
He had a VW van. First he loaded it to the brim then backed the truck up to a slight rise in his front yard, so that the bumper of the moving van was flush. 
Then he just drove the VW onto the truck, then drove it to the new town.
But finding an identical small rise in a strange city was much more difficult than he thought.

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Why do fat people keep trying to act normal?

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2 comments:

Michelle Obama's Left Nut said...

Just because you don't give a shit, doesn't mean you're not a pussy. 19 degrees? Seriously? It was damn near -40 a couple weeks back where I live (and we liked it).

You don't hear northerners whining to dust munchers in Arizona about how hot it is when it gets into the 90's in August.

Stop your simpering, find your ascended balls and learn to drive in sleet. Sheesh.

Ralph Henry said...

You must have missed this part:

"You can't imagine the intensity of fuck I don't give for how cold it is where you live."

We really, really, really mean that shit.

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