About Me

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I'm an artist, educator, militant anti-theist , and I write. I gamble on just about anything. And I like beer...but I love my wife. This blog contains observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while.

Wednesday, August 26, 2020


One Of My Very Own


Yesterday I got a lot of views of a short story I posted many years ago. I titled it 

And you can find it here:

Enjoy it if you like.



I have worked in a warehouse and we had a lot of tricks like that for tasks we performed regularly.  And you should have seen me on a forklift.

"Might as well eat it myself." 

Egg Eagle 

My first wife was a concert pianist. We once went to a party where a guy had an accordion. She got 5 or so minutes of instruction then played it like she had been doing it her whole life.

So I found this key at work last night,  around 8:00. Being the good Samaritan I am, I called the number. Turns out this guy's ex-wife made about a hundred of these keys and put his number on it, and scattered them around the country on her road trip. He is now getting calls 24/7 because of it. I don't know what he did to deserve this, but this is some fucking nuclear level revenge. 


What happens when a llama rancher gets bored?

A lot of work for the payoff. 
No word if those are the same guy.


It has always amazed me that young people think they invented sex and that grandma is an old fuddy-duddy who only did it missionary style and only to have children.
 I assure you, you young people invented nothing.

This couple has tried every move you ever dreamed of...

Saturday night fever - goat style.

With sound: CLICK HERE

It's all fun and games until...
 ...no, wait. It's still fun and games.

This man is doing something extraordinarily dangerous.
What do you think is the outcome.
A. He falls down two stories.
B. He falls down one story.
C. Nothing bad happens.
D. His mother demands he stop before harm...then he falls.

C. Nothing bad happens. 
How the fuck did he do that?!

Here is the full movie

The best lawn decorations I’ve ever seen.

Even more perfect for my present isolation.

"The kids report cards are coming out today so I’m excited to see how I did," 
- thousand of parents




 Someone suggested the clip was reversed.
I would have had a panic attack either direction. 

He looks just like that Mexican guy who got kicked out of the bar.  

What could go wrong when you try to rob someone and drop your gun?


A total lack of the principles of the physics involved.

With horrendous scraping sound: CLICK HERE 

  1. a procedure in which liquid or gas is injected into the rectum, typically to expel its contents, but also to introduce drugs or permit X-ray imaging.


I would serve James Bond a stirred martini just to see if he even notices, that pretentious little shit.



This tent comes with a furnace.
 It doubles as a stove.

The Green Planet is a beautiful biodome in Dubai, and it’s home to a massive “living” tropical rainforest.
I'm wondering why the word living was in quotes.  

10,000-year-old cave painting, "Cave of Hands"
Maybe the very first muralists...my kindred.

14000 years old bisons sculptures found in Le Tuc d'Audoubert cave. Ariege, France


Molten aluminum

Josie Bartel, the only Luxembourgish Olympic champion.
Helsinki, 1952.  


NOTE: This is a test of an oversized image.


Feet of the Eurasian Coot

Every boat can be a submarine, once.
 Did you notice how steady is the aircraft carrier? 

Speaking of...

That was the final fly-off event of the tomcat. USS Theodore Roosevelt has just completed a successful cruise in the gulf and is offloading its airwing prior to its return home. This was also the last deployment with F-14s. This video is the beginning of a launch event, showing the ability of the Nimitz-class carrier to launch 3 planes simultaneously...more or less. 

A new 26-kilometer bike route along Turkey’s Mediterranean coast offers athletes and enthusiasts a unique experience. 

The future is here...
Any sufficiently understood magic is indistinguishable from technology. 
That blew my mind. 

Compassionate Architecture?
I like it very much but doesn't the ramps require handrails?



Did you know that you can tell the year of a VW Bug by the size of the back window and the taillights? They both got bigger every year. That looks a mid to early 50s model.  


It's called a swaging spin tool.
Brilliant!  A little flux, heat, and solder, and you got a joint that will never leak.

I have dreamed of complete plots for novels I have written. Last night I dreamed this and my wife thought I should post it.

Family Reunion Dream
The wife and I took a smelly ferry to the island where a reunion was scheduled for our extended family including aunts and uncles and cousins I haven't seen in sixty years. My wife had packed far too many bags and I worked up a sweat lugging them off the ferry and down the long pier.
Upon setting foot on land my sister rushed up and said, "Y'all are the last ones here. We didn't think you would make it so we gave away your room and you will have to take what's left."
I mumble whatever and followed her to a stand-alone bathroom. She opened the door and there was a single mattress wedged between the tub and the toilet in one direction and under the sink to the door in the other.
My sister began, "I'm sorry..."
But my wife interrupted her with, "Oh, it will be fine. We probably won't spend much time in there anyway."
After my sister departed my wife organized the bags in the tub and all our toiletries on and in the sink. I sat on the side of the tup while my wife made the bed with the linen we had brought with us as best she could.
My wife was working up a sweat trying to clean the filth off of the walls, floor, and sink with wads moistened toilet paper when I said, "It can't get any worse than this."
Then the toilet paper roll ran out and there wasn't a refill insight. I nodded and said, "Okay, NOW it can't get any worse."
There were sharp raps to the door and when my wife opened it there was a line of men. The first man said, "There are only two restrooms on the island and yours is designated 'Men's'.
I stuck my head out and could see the ferry chugging its way across the lade. I asked for a minute and the wife and I reentered.
"We can't just leave our luggage in here if god knows who is going to be coming and going all day and night."
So, we lugged all our shit to the water's edge and sat on it.
I said, "It can't possibly get any worse than this."
Then it started raining.











Danny Newey said...

A1- I passed my Forklift test in 2016 but never got to work on any in a Job. I ABSOLUTELY Love how accurate and powerful they are. We trained on Battery-operated machines. Are the Gas and Petrol machines as accurate and precise as them?!?! I've only driven Battery-ops! :)

Ralph Henry said...

Ha! My "training" lasted about five seconds and went something like this "It's just like a car." I loved how it would raise, go forward and tilt all at the same time and, of course, turn on a dime. Mine was propane powered and I will never forget that smell.

Steve said...

Puzzle: Move top 4 pencils down to create 2 new sides like this:

/\ /\

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