About Me

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I'm an artist, educator, militant anti-theist , and I write. I gamble on just about anything. And I like beer...but I love my wife. This blog contains observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while.

Thursday, August 5, 2021


 One Of My Very Own





Never forget that you will have to explain your actions regarding covid to your grandchildren.
Start with the numbers. Opinions don't matter. 




Jury duty is a strange concept. Whenever the government wants it can force you to take a week off to solve a murder and then - with a straight face - give you $15 a day.




Do you think people who do these things 

are liberal or conservative?

- Beats up Asians for "brought covid to America".

- Kills abortion doctors.

- Storms the Capitol in an attempted insurrection.

- Welcomes Nazis into their party.

- Refuse to get vaccinated.

- Beats up clerks who ask them to wear a mask.

*I could go on but you get my point.



I've always liked Stanford because they had a stellar graduation rate among their athletes. As I understand it, the NCAA is getting the problem with other universities under control.



I always thought Americans had well-honed crap detectors. I guess I was wrong.


And some think racial insensitivity should take a back seat to tradition. Fuck those people.


Yet another example of the demonization of differences. What a boring world we would have without a wide spectrum of differences.


I would like to brag again about how proud I am that during staythefuckathome I didn't turn into a raging alcoholic.


*And I have been taking names, motherfuckers. And I don't forget.


I have a site that did that to me so often that I paid them $5 a month to stop. Yeah, I know it's stupid, but I'm busy and I really liked that site.


Oh, do I have stories about the bar bets I've won.


*I have no idea what that means but I like thinking about it.


What a wonderful segue to my next section.



Live your life in such a way that the entire planet doesn't dance in the street when you lose your job.





And she never disagrees with you.



Oh hell, I did it for you...





If I was a fashion designer...



Just a child's poster to encourage hand washing.


Who do you want to believe - your Lord Jesus Christ or some guy's tattoo?



"Great for couples"???

How else could you play it?





Someone found out I didn't believe and said, "Hate the sin, love the sinner." I countered with, "Hate the belief, love the believer."





It's not as bad as it looks.

Flamingos produce a kind of red milk called "crop milk" in their digestive tracts, and this is one way to feed the chicks.


That's one of those games that have tons of quarters teetering on the edge and you think your next quarter could push them off the edge.

Of course, 99% of the quarters are diverted under the side rail and never put pressure on the coins on the edge.

Well, my daughters and I went into a convenience store on the interstate and they had one of those. So I gave my daughters a few quarters and they dropped them all in and they didn't even make it into the game. It was eaten. Gone! Nothing!

So I went over to the cashier and told them the machine just ate my dollar. And he explained that there was a sign on the machine.

I walked over and sure enough, there was a business card "sign" taped high on the machine far above eye level that stated that the cashier was not responsible for malfunctions occurring on the machine.

I walked over and nodded and literally said this...

I told him that was the perfect scam. Everyone that is cheated just pulled off the interstate and has neither the time nor the inclination to take the outrage farther. Brilliant! 


Did you notice that it expended just enough energy to clear the jump and not one ounce more?




From Folio Olio...

With modifications from a friend...

*viewer contribution


Am I supposed to be impressed by that?


Arts & Architecture, Reiyūkai Shakaden Temple

Now that's an entrance!


I had a dog who insisted that I do that constantly...even after I refused to scratch it. It got so bad I didn't know what the dog's face looked like.










I bet her nipples could put out an eye.




Here's another town that tore down an old historic building then regretted it and asked me to paint a mural of it.

These people insisted on a mock-up of what it would look like so I painted them one...and doubled my price. I suggested that they conduct an auction of the mockup and that helped with the fundraising.

I asked for and was given a high school art class for a day and under my supervision, they finished in one day.

(That's a young me in the lower left.)

Several months later they wanted me to be the Grand Marshal of their annual festival. I asked if they would have beer wagons and such and was assured that no, they would not because it was a family affair. I told them I would do it if I could bring my own car to the parade. They agreed. I brought my Alfa. 

My wife drove and my girls and I sat on the back of the back seats. And, yes, an Alfa Spider has a small backseat.

The mayor told me when I got there to come to the hardware store and the whole city council would be in the backroom. I did just that only to find they had a full bar set up and they were all getting soused. Then I remembered them denying the masses beer wagons because it was a family affair.

Two decades later they hired me to refurbish it due to some fading of the darker colors.

And that's why you always use the same paint store. When you buy a shitload of paint they ask you for a job title then they keep a record of the colors. For the refurbishment, I just asked the paint store to pull up the name of the city.


Robin said...

A10 - I knew it. You really are Santa Claus. Checking the names, checking them twice, he knows who's been vaccinated, (especially those young female and beautiful), and those who if their brains were gunpowder wouldn't fire a cap gun.

Sadly, I suspect anyone discerning enough to read your blog will already be vaccinated, but it can't hurt to get the message out there.

I'd suggest you write your autobiography, but then you wouldn't have time for Folio - the bits about past murals are really interesting.

Anonymous said...

WYTMW - Her nipples might be able to carve granite, but I'd be willing to bet her coochie looks like a piece of chewed bubblegum!

Ralph Henry said...

Dear Robin, I know many people are tired of my preaching about vaccines but I couldn't live with myself if I didn't do everything in my power to end this pandemic. I hope people understand.


You're just a boring old fart; you can't help it.

Ralph Henry said...

Dear Mike, Thank you so very much. Coming from you it makes all my efforts worthwhile. I think you are a most wonderful human being who has life all figured out. I wish I was like you. Stay safe, my friend.

Anonymous said...

Puzzle time: 46 minutes and 17 seconds

T= D/R

Anonymous said...

A1: Check your facts. You are implying the wrong demographic as the perps.
A8: "Yet another example of the demonization of differences" says the pot to the kettle.

Ralph Henry said...

Dear A1 and A8 Anon, Are you really serious, or are you just trying to pull my chain? Your comments make no sense. Try writing when you are not drunk.
RH...and stay safe.

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