One Of My Very Own
*I've told that joke a thousand times.
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EMAIL: ralh.henry.at.folio.olio@gmail.com
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PONDERABLES
What comes around goes around but I wonder if he could face some liability.
My advice to every young person out there - wear your genitalia out. Never put it to bed without it being exhausted.
^^A3^^
Remember, I said not all Republicans are racist but all racists are a Republican.
All I have to do is whisper enchiladas and my wife gets horny in Spanish.
My wife's 'going out clothes' have missed her so much. She put them on and they hugged her so tightly she could hardly breathe.
PEOPLE
If I had an ass that perfect I would walk around with it hanging out also. Then I would back into every room I entered. I would stand on the bus and subway. I would let people touch it for $3. Photographs would cost $12.50. And I would sell my used underwear online.
Patriotism is the last refuge of a despot.
*Verification Requested
Speaking of world records...
How bored do you have to be?
They also had contests to see who could eat the most live goldfish. Imagine what PETA would do with that today.
Can you spell "anal retentive", boys and girls?
*Asked the man who has been collecting shells with holes in them, Hearts of Stone, Found Round Things, quarters, and dollar bills for 40 fucking years.
That looks EXACTLY like my wife watching the news.
She forgot rule #1.
I worked out an art barter with the local AAA Mets farm team and took my daughters to the games often. We sat on the third-base line to shag foul balls (got a half dozen) but I was hyper-vigilant to keep my eye on the ball AT ALL TIMES.
My young daughter once asked me why the Tooth Fairy didn't just dig up dead people to get teeth.
I knew the internet has permanently poisoned my brain when I couldn't stop giggling at the word 'citrussy' on a restaurant menu.
PLACES
I assume the photograph shows it after the dirt was cleared away.
Yeah, they tried those in the South. They got 130 degrees by noon. They ended up covering the whole thing with a tarp.
There's a home near my house that has the most amazing brickwork and come to find out the owner is in the brick business.
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Delightful.
Did you notice that the customers have plastic bags over their shoes?
I bet the restaurant provides them to their customers.
We learned real quick on our road trip through Montana and the Dakotas that all of their road maintenance is done in the snow-free summer.
Just something else to worry about.
Storytime at the aquarium
Storytime on the canal
My wife just called me a sex machine. Her actual words were "You're a fucking tool" but I know what she meant.
Dating: I can't believe we have so much in common.
Married: Please don't watch your stuff under my Netflix profile.
THINGS
Rabbit?
That paint scheme works for me.
I mean it - kind of Mad Max-ish.
"Fetch me my brown trousers."
- utility worker probably
*Verification Requested
I thought that was a manikin but when lightened it appears to be a real person. No clue as to what's going on.
A couple of rolls of duct tape would do the same thing.
Now I want the same thing in baseballs for balls and strikes.
Millions of parking meters take credit cards. It would be rather easy to install an outlet on them and charge you a fee.
I never allowed myself to get high while working high.
I heard it was from the same show but went like this:
"I'm going upstairs to help Beaver pack his fudge."
OHHHHHH I see it now! “27”
*One of the first tests to see if I was qualified to work on nuclear missiles was for color blindness.
This reminded me of something I thought was pretty damn cool.
In Tech School we were given Lego-like plug-ins which contained various electronic components. We were then shown a circuit and we had to plug in all the elements onto a special board in such a way that it worked. It was a lot of fun.
BTW the components were color-coded so that we could know their strength.
And that, Gentle Reader, is why we couldn't be color blind.
^^D13^^
Bag bellows are still in use by tribes of Central Asia
And they probably weave the cloth themselves.
The car is on fire and they know it has a tank full of gasoline so they sit far, far away. I commend them.
My wife told me that she missed us sneaking around installing little art packets around town so I made another series.
*sorry for the shit quality but I'm having camera problems.
I'm sometimes asked (or I used to be back when I left the house) how I decide what to include in my packets. Well, in this case it was rather easy in that I had a shitload of leftover Scrabble tiles...
A couple of leftover test tubes...
Some numbered brass tags...
Various sized eye screws...
And, of course, cold hard cash...
So I put them altogether in hopes of bringing a little joy into someone's life when they stumble upon it and wonder why. Why? Because I fucking can that's why.
2 comments:
I bet the restaurant provides them to their customers.
^^C11^^
That being Venice I would say the people put the bags on before leaving their homes during 'acqua alta'. If they didn't their shoes would be drenched before getting to the restaurant.
Rabbit?
^^D1^^
Piece of debris, probably a chunk of truck tyre.
*Verification Requested
^^D4^^
Apparently occurs under certain atmospheric conditions.
And they probably weave the cloth themselves.
^^D14^^
That looks like leather.
My mate is a blacksmith and he still uses an old bellows for the coal fire he uses to heat metal with.
^^B5^^ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fatal_insomnia
Fatal familial insomnia is an extremely rare genetic (and even more rarely, sporadic) disorder that results in trouble sleeping as its hallmark symptom. The problems with sleeping typically start out gradually and worsen over time. Other symptoms may include speech problems, coordination problems, and dementia. It results in death within a few months to a few years.
The disease has four stages:
1. Characterized by worsening insomnia, resulting in panic attacks, paranoia, and phobias. This stage lasts for about four months.
2. Hallucinations and panic attacks become noticeable, continuing for about five months.
3. Complete inability to sleep is followed by rapid loss of weight. This lasts for about three months.
4. Dementia, during which the person becomes unresponsive or mute over the course of six months, is the final stage of the disease, after which death follows.
Fun times.
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