WENESDAY #5208

One Of My Very Own

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EMAIL: 

ralh.henry.at.folio.olio@gmail.com

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BUILDING BOX UPDATE

I wanted to secure the images of the windows by having the edges held down by the blocks of wood on the top, bottom, and sides. However, sometimes the alignment was askew like this one.

So, I invented a string device to aid me.

The horizontal strings are held taut by draping them over a nail and weighting it on the ends.

The vertical strings were weighted at each end and draped over the box.

This technique was a dismal failure and was rejected after one use.

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FUN WITH LANGUAGE

*I love humor like that.

^^A1^^

^^A2^^

Our room in New Orleans had a balcony that overlooked Bourbon Street and every morning we had coffee on that balcony and every morning we were overcome by the smell of vomit.

^^A3^^

^^A4^^

Jerry is just living his dream...

^^A5^^

^^A6^^

^^A7^^

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^^A11^^

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If you set no goals and no one expects you to do anything, you can procrastinate without the stigma of procrastination.

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When my wife learned I had had a vasectomy she was thrilled she wouldn't have to "snort birth control anymore". I didn't have the heart to tell her she had been doing it wrong.

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OBJECTS OF INTEREST

^^B1^^

When you could buy a monkey from the Sears mail-order catalog

^^B3^^

Cirrus Airframe Parachute System (CAPS) deployment in Brazil

No word on whether that was an emergency or just a demonstration.

^^B5^^

Photograph: It's all about the light.

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^^B6-11^^

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Your future doctor is cheating in their online classes right now so you better start eating healthy.

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It's Daylight Savings Time but I don't know how to change the dinner clock in my dog's brain.

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WHAT HUMANS DO OR DON'T DO

I went to Staples to buy card stock to print the windows for my box. It took FOUR requests before I could get anyone to help me. One guy said this with a wave of his arm: "It's over there somewhere."

After I found it I walked up to another guy and said, "I'm here to buy a paper cutter and I want you to point to them for me." And he did.

It later occurred to me that I probably looked like a homeless man to the clerks. Oh, well.

^^C1^^

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I watched The Shining again and couldn't believe that Windy - fearing for her life - didn't think to break out the glass of that window so she could get out.

And I thought this shot looked like a close-up of the kid's eye. 

It's actually inside the hedge maze.

^^C3^^

Meanwhile, at an elite Meal Team Twix training facility...

^^C4^^

Shuttlecock tester

And not only is it mind-numbingly boring but it looks like she's cold.

^^C5^^

Making weather-resistant wood by charring it

^^C6^^

Firemaking

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Pastafarian Hymn

^^C8^^

Or as I phrase it: I've outlived my dick.

And the perfect segue.

^^C9^^

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In Polish, "gowniaki" is a slur for misbehaving children that translates to "Shitlings".

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I tickled my wife and she giggled like Seth Rogen.

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ON PORNOGRAPHY

As a father of two daughters, I sometimes visualize how another father would react to recognizing his daughter in a porn flick.

*All of these "facts" are just what I've been told.

I'm of the opinion that all the ancient objects classified as "fertility totems" are actually masturbation aids.

^^PORN^^

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Find the oddity.