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FOR AMUSEMENT ONLY
Urban Bigfoot?
"I went to the doctor for penis enlargement and he told me the latest method was attaching the tip of an infant elephant's trunk to the end of my dick. The surgery was successful and I thought I was ready for a date. I took her to a fancy restaurant and everything was going well until my dick inched up and out of my pants then shot across the table, grabbed a roll, and then in a flash went back in my pants."
"That must have been embarrassing?"
"Oh, that was nothing. The real problem happened when it stuck it up my ass."
*That's what I call a visual joke.
Do you believe that? Do you believe that there might be demons in that used toaster? If not, then that man is either in error or he is lying to you. Which do you think is more likely?
An attack chicken.
It used to be that no average person in their right mind would dare tell everybody who cared to listen that they knew more about the climate than the scientists who have studied it their whole lives because they had "done their own research", meaning they had read a couple of articles about it.
Even if 99% of people on Earth think you are stupid, there are still 80 million people who don't.
One time in a church bathroom I heard a man in the stall next to me moan and then say, "Thank you, Jesus".
I think about that a lot.
PONDERABLES
Americans think gluttony is a virtue.
Yesterday a lawyer came to my house to update our wills. He asked me if I was the muralist and said he admired my work. That got me thinking about my mural painting being one of the earliest skills that were unrelated to survival.
Do you think bathing suits will go through a pastie phase or go straight to nudity? I can just imagine a woman wearing a set of those getting arrested for indecent exposure for having a tiny bit of areola showing. To forestall that, I suggest an irregularly shaped pastie that exactly matches the color of your areola.
Amazing.
How could that train not derail?
Speaking of iffy transportation...
If you sat down in your seat, looked out, and saw that would you get off the plane? I most certainly would.
Remember when some people said that if you allowed black people to serve with white people then the military would be doomed? The same people said the same thing about women serving in combat. Then they said it about openly gay people serving. Now we have all three and have the strongest military the world has ever known. I think all those slandered people deserve an apology.
Imagine the energy required for it to do that.
I hate those kinds of restaurants. Hell, I can barely tolerate sitting with people I know much less those I don't.
In the near future, thousands of satellites will be sent up to bring internet to everyone on the planet. The downside is that the light pollution reflecting off of them could result in never being about to see the Milky Way again.
That reminds me of being asked to repair my father's dock. I foresaw the potential problem of dropping the hammer into the lake so I drilled a hole in the handle and attached a wrist lanyard. I still have that hammer with the hole.
I aspire to be the type of grandparent my grandkids can differentiate from a wolf wearing a nightgown.
Just because you don't look like somebody who you think is attractive doesn't mean you aren't attractive.
PEOPLE DOING THINGS I CAN'T OR WON'T DO
If I have learned anything from the internet it is to never allow any fire of any kind near my table.
This is the final frame in the clip. Does it look like it hit him?
It looks to me like the bike is tethered. Maybe someone's job was to keep it from going too fast. If so, they failed miserably.
I think that just getting on the thing and riding it down would have worked better.
How to get a seat on the subway.
Gravity is such a bitch.
Speaking of...
How the fuck do you survive such a thing?
It had to be done purposely because it was being filmed.
Or was it?
I wonder how much they charge for doing that.
Nightmare stuff...
Oh, I am now "use the flashlight on my phone at a restaurant" years old.
Imagine what happened to Jesus on a Bad Friday.
FEEL GOOD ITEMS
The surface of the asteroid Ryugu, captured by the Japanese spacecraft Hayabusa-2
The power of teamwork.
That reminds me of trying to get one of my heavy boxes off of my studio cart.
British soldiers salute the Ukrainian military, who have completed their training and are returning to the front in Ukraine.
I admire people who get so fed up with their jobs that they exit dramatically.
3 comments:
Puzzle Time: Jennifer Low Pez / Jennifer High Pez?
C11 Everything is going to be fine. I promise.
Dear C11 Anon, Thank you for that. I needed to hear it. I have faith in the young people who are standing as one and demanding a fair shake. Power to them.
RH
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