WOMEN

(again)

"ALLEGED ACID HOAXER CHARGED"

That was a headline today about the woman who rubbed acid on her own face. I venture to opine that this is the very first time those four words were placed in that order in a sentence....ever!

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These are the finalists for the valedictorian of the "Wife Training School".

 This is the winner is...

And now the "Wife Training School's" envious Afghan graduate candidates...

My daughter once warned me against that (she read the stats)...but I thought it was isolated.  Come to find out it is so widespread that the instructions to fast food personnel specifically forbid jacking off on or in any food. Bon appetit, ya'll.

I witnessed a foot fetish guy one time.  He was as ordinary as you or I, only he would spontaneously drop to his knees and suck the toes of whatever woman happened to be sitting at his table.  (TRUE) We all laughed then got on with our meal. (TRUE)

From a lifetime of observation I know that women work harder than men, but the "pay thing" confuses me.  I assume that Oprah's organization pay women more, and if not they should. Advancement in jobs is a game, and today women don't know all the rules.  Sorry.

I have no idea what this means....

Now from the "Shit Happens" file....

I am very fortunate that I am a very well hung attractive man...I'm also a nice guy.  Therefore, I got laid a lot.  My best advice to you young men trying to pick up a woman is this:  Be nice to her wing man (person).  It almost always works.  Also, (listen carefully) you can get away with just about anything if you just start your sentence with "You are so fucking amazing".  You young guys....write that shit down.

But some women need to cultivate other skills...

"How do you feel about the woman on the left, Jack?"

Speaking of skills that every woman should cultivate...

(that images is interesting on several levels.  One, she is a famous person (movie star) who knows enough to keep her hair out of the....zone.  Two, the jerk is talking on the phone.  Three, THERE IS SOMEBODY LAYING RIGHT NEXT TO THEM!?!?!  I mean...DAMN!!!)

Sadly (in my opinion) too many Americans just give up...for them life just loses all its....zest...

But even if you are so fat you have to ride in a cart, I assume you still have functioning appendages.

(minivan?????!!!!!!?????)

Is it just me or has this naked thing started without me with no memo, no nothing?
We used to streak on campus, but I never hung on a fucking limb...

(I still like it)
And how about this...why aren't women upset with men being allowed to walk around topless and women are not?  What's up with that?  They are just BREASTS!!  We all suckled on one when we were young.  I think we all should just get over the whole breast obsession thing.  And you don't want me to get started on people being offended by women nursing their child in an airport or whatever.  Jeeeeeez!

I know this is silly, but I hate this guy....

One of my very own...

"To be sure you hit the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target." BRILLIANT!

PS: Anybody got a better caption for that last image? Give me a comment. I like comments.
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