SHIT THAT PISSES ME OFF

People who walk 7 miles on a treadmill, then drive around to get the parking place closest to the door at the mall and own a riding lawnmower. 

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Men who shake hands like a woman.  I remember being taught how to shake hands like a man by my father, but you would think a grown man who was not taught young would have no trouble mimicking the handshake of every other man on the planet. Here's the rule: When shaking hands with a man, your thumb MUST be pointed toward the person with whom you are shaking hands.....unless you are a gay male, then I suggest that you wear a permanent cast on your arm so you have a cop out. Gay women know how to shake hands like a man just fine, thank you very much.

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"I'm going to be the next Hitler and kill all the jews and one clown."
"Why the clown?"
"See? Nobody cares about the jews."

It pisses me off that someone will read that joke and think I hate jews. I don't hate anyone. The whole exercise is to suggest that you probably wondered the same thing....Why the clown. Get it?

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It pisses me off that no matter how hard I try, I can't stop smoking. I don't really, deep down blame Madison Avenue, but I know how powerful advertising can be in America. Every woman I know thinks that they must paint their faces, lips, eyes; wear high heels; squeeze into corsets; shave various locations; whiten their teeth; curl and dye their hair; purchase expensive jewelry; and have serious surgery....all to just bat their false eyelashes across the table at a man and declare "I'm just a simple girl with simple needs really".  Good luck with that.
(but don't get me wrong...if she wants to flit around the bedroom dressed like a big bat with large plastic wings and dip down to nip on me while I pretend to sleep...that's not a bad thing.........................never mind.)

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 It pisses me off that warriors doing our bidding are not paid more, treated better and supremely respected.  Have you ever picked up the tab for a whole table of these warriors without even letting them know who did it? Try it...you will feel better about yourself.

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It pisses me off that only a handful of people in America know the rules.  The rest of us are but suckers in a huge shell game that we have no chance of winning.

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It pisses me off that after working harder at it than I have worked at anything, I know that I will never be a respected writer. I smile sometimes when I think, at least, my grandchild will have a chance of knowing their grandfather just a little better by reading my stuff.

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It kind of pisses me off that even after painting square miles of surfaces, no one has ever asked me to paint them naked.....those earrings are a nice touch....

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I have taught young children most of my life and I have never been as sincere about anything as I am my hatred of people who abuse children.  It pisses me off that there is not a death penalty for such people.

Tolerance for cultures that condone evil is not tolerance....it's surrender.

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What do you call a black man flying a plane?
The pilot you racist pig.

I was a racist.  I am not any more.  I just wish the rules of engagement were not so sycophantic.

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I hate zoos.  I hate bullfights.  I hate birds in a cage.  I hate fish in a bowl.
When I was in Alaska they would clean fish at the end of a pier that was out of the water half the day.  There were a dozen or so of these magnificent animals just waiting for the scraps of the men.  And they never left.

Then in Anchorage there were the most noble looking men I have ever seen....pure Eskimo...and all of them were bums.....ALL OF THEM.
Same thing really...isn't it?

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The shit we are asked to watch on TV pisses me off.  I spend my viewing time on History, Military, Science, Discovery and Porn.  I refuse to watch fake bullshit.
(fake does not mean fiction.  Fiction is at least an attempt at art...fake is bullshit)

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It pisses me off that people are allowed to swear a book is the holy word of god, then pick and choose what they jettison to expedite their own aims. I actually respect the snake handlers and tongue speakers more than the hypocrites sitting in most churches.

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It pisses me off that we are in two wars....one of them very, very questionable, and the other's winnability is very much debatable and 99.9% of young people just....don't....give....a....shit. I have said often that the ONLY reason there was so much protest over the Vietnam War was that there was a draft.  We...as a generation...weren't noble pacifists ....we were fucking cowards.  I will argue that with anyone on the planet.

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I was so good at Algebra and it pisses me off that I have never had the opportunity to put it to use.

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It pisses me off when some pseudo-patriot wears a shirt made out of a mutilated American flag.  Bad form, young man....Very bad form.
It also pisses me off when somebody sings the National Anthem without following the notes. It is not a love song, it is not a country song, and it is not a soul song.  It's the fucking National Anthem....either do it like it was written or get off the fucking stage. It's not about you, singer person, or your style, or your record contract.  Thank you.

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Inept engineering pisses me off.  If you are an astute observer, you can find it EVERYWHERE. My wife gets so tired of me pointing out something and using the term "mal-designed". Just take a look at the letter placement on your keyboard and repeat these words....It's 2010, ya'll. We should have found the monolith on the moon by now, yet we still use a keyboard configuration designed to slow us down.

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Grammar Nazis piss me off.  (that was a joke, Mel)
I know that most people are very busy.  I know that they don't have a lot of time to proof read what they write. I further know that most people are not writers and wouldn't know when to use who or whom if the rule was tattooed on their wrist.  So I usually cut people slack....especially if the error is a time saver.  The unwarranted use of quotations marks, however, drives me up the fucking wall.  Irrational "Quotaion Marks" are "everywhere" if you are keen to the offense.

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It pisses me off that I have never been as passionate about anything as that guy is for that pathetic star. My bet is that he jacks off twice a day to one of her movies.

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Gays?  What's the big deal, really? Let's all get together and Firstly just treat them all like Americans and Secondly......well...just treat them like Americans ought to do it.

(and I really, really mean that)

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