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"You say kidnapping, I say surprise adoption."
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"I have a huge dick."
"Your dick is 2 inches."
"From the ground."
"While doing a pushup."
"On the roof."
"In Haiti."
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One elephant equals 110 Jennifer Aniston's.
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I'm the kind of guy who stops the microwave at one second just to feel like a bomb defuser.
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Are your parents retarded?...cause you sure are special.
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Wanted: Kids....in the tunnel....
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I used to self-medicate, now I'm just miserable.
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Today, I was sitting on a bench enjoying the sun, when a guy came and sat next to me. Next thing I know, he farts loudly, then proudly looks my way. I stared back in shock. He says to me, "Yeah, that just happened," and walks off.
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The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.
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Time moves faster when you close your eyes.
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Never let go of the bow instead of the arrow....never.
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DAMN EDWARD, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!?!
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Thank you for not suffering openly.
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"The dirt flies off"......jeeeeeeez.
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By the way, fuck you and all your Facebook friends.
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"Just drinking myself happy, why?"
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TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be written with just one row of the keyboard.
(rather ironic that)
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"Anything except sticking me in a goddamn cemetery. People coming and putting a bunch of flowers on your stomach on Sunday, and all that crap. Who wants flowers when you're dead? Nobody." J.D. Salinger
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...and stop needless noise.
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Bummer.....
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I want my money back and I haven't even seen it yet.
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One of my very own.....
WOMEN WHO LOOK LIKE SLUTS, BUT PROBABLY AREN'T.....
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