FUN WITH LANGUAGE...MOSTLY SIGNS

First, some signage...


Please, someone give me a little help with this....
My best guess is a ride of some kind....no pun intended.

Obama just ordered air strikes in Somalia. This is war #6, if anyone at the Nobel Peace Prize committee is keeping count.

I like people like this...he turns a rather rude command into something amusing...

A little boy asked his mother, "Mommy, how come I'm black and you're white?"
His mother replied, "Don't even go there, son! From what I remember about that party, you're fucking lucky you don't bark."




I have no clue...but I would have stopped and photographed it too, had I seen it.....

Profanity is the inevitable linguistic crutch of the inarticulate motherfucker.


If you don't know what angst means.....I mean, DAMN!
LOOK THAT MOTHERFUCKER UP......NOW!

I planted some bird seed.
A bird came up.
Now I don't know what to feed it.




This makes no sense under any circumstances...

But in a true related story, I watched a video about a guy who had chickens and goats and shit in the city. They law said he was not allowed to have goats, unless they were pets and named. So he had to name his goats and was allowed to keep them.


All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't by me happiness.

HUMAN BEINGS: Creatures who cut down trees to make paper, then writes 'Save The Trees' on the same paper.

If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.

If you make her bite her lip, know that you're doing a damn good job at whatever you're doing.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and when he grows up he will never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.

Shit like this interest me very much. You see, I know this has to make sense. It wasn't scribbled on a wall with a marker....it's a real sign. So, does anybody have any ideas?

This next one is due to a uniquely American attitude.
To wit: Didn't give a fuck yesterday, don't give a fuck today, and in all honesty I probably won't give a fuck tomorrow either.

Ladies, if you want closure in your relationship, start with your legs.

The future sucked.

When my daughter was young she asked my wife and I about the new baby growing inside my wife. My wife said, "Women have a special room inside them where the baby grows."
Then I added, "And in 9 months the baby will burst through her chest and she'll die a horrible bloody death."
My daughter started crying and my wife looked at me and screamed, "What's wrong with you?!?"
I said, "Whaaaaaat?"




A few obvious signs that are absolutely obvious...

That story about my daughter isn't true.

( look at the last panel in the last image carefully. Do you see what I see?)

I got arrested one time and the judge looked down at me and said, "You've been brought here for drinking."
And I said, "Okay, let's get started!"




Signs that fuck with people....

That story about the judge wasn't true either.

What I found exceedingly interesting about the above image is that the obnoxious moron on the left can spew this evil, ignorant shit with immunity, but the sane guy on on the right might be arrested on some profanity charge. What the fuck is up with that?


?????

The tree words a woman never wants to heare when she's making love are "Honey, I'm home."

WRONG!!! The alien fucked you, you idiot!

Truer words have never been spoken (written)...

I figured out why my wife loves Chinese food so much.
Won Ton spelled backwards is Not Now.

TOONS OF THE DAY....

TRUE (I think): "When my brother and I built the first man-carrying flying machine we thought we were introducing into the world an invention which would make future war practically impossible." - Orville Wright

One of my very own...

WOMEN WHO LOOK LIKE SLUTS,

BUT PROBABLY AREN'T.....

You might want to look at this very carefully....

 And just in case your eyes aren't all that good these days...

And lastly, a pretty fucking cool true story.
During WWII, Germany occupied two British islands off the coast of France. One was Guernsey. During the occupation the penalty for having a radio was death, but, of course, some of the British had them. Therefore they knew about D-Day. In an interview with one old guy he said that the hardest part of the whole ordeal was walking around town and seeing the panic on the faces of the Germans and having to cover up any emotion. If anybody let on that they knew about the imminent rescue, then that would be de facto proof that they had a radio.