A TRUE OLIO

He got pretty high that night....

There are only twenty-three people alive today, and you're one of them. Everyone else you know just looks human to lull you into not searching for the other twenty-two.

Just sittin' on a cop car naked....you?

The other day I found myself at a checkout counter with a deck of cards, a case of beer and a carton of cigarettes. I told the woman checking me out that if I just bought a girlie magazine, then I would have all my vices covered.

There is something....odd about this photo. Look carefully.

What an amazing un-retouched photo...

Satan called. He wants his weather back.

Oh, this old thing? It's just Einstein holding an Einstein puppet....

I used to sneak booze into work using my stomach.

I think that it should be a requirement that the President of the United States to have served in the military.

You think his son is embarrassed?

Shit you don't see every day....

If you don't understand why this is clever, it's okay, it really is.....

I'm fairly sure if they took porn off the internet, there would only be one website left and it'd be called "Bring back the porn".

Read all of this....I mean, DAMN!!

This is TRUE....

How come you can't taste your tongue?

Knowing first thing in the morning that it's going to be a good day....

Haven't done a "There I've fixed it" in a while...

Yes, these blinds are functional...

I would have thought that someone at Hogwarts would have thought of this years ago...

I have no idea what it is, but, DAMN, it looks awesome!

????????????

I happen to live near a section of the city called Five Points. It's close enough to ride my golf cart.

Yeah, it's kind of like this....

My wife said, "I'm going to ask you to do something and you're not going to like it...."
I blurted, "Have a foursome with your parents?!?!"
(After that she never even finished her thought. Nicely played, I thought...nicely played.)

The other day I was sitting in traffic and saw a semi drive right over the top of a carload of Frence tourists.
"Wow!" I thought. "That could have been me."
So I went and got a license to drive a truck.

I was sitting at a bar the other day when a woman from Minnesota told the bartender that she wanted a beer.
"Anheuser Busch?" he asked.
"Vell fine, tanks, und how's yur viener?"

This turtle lost a leg....problem solved...

TOONS OF THE DAY...

For the boy....

One of my very own....

WOMEN WHO SIT ON LIMBS AND LOOK LIKE SLUTS,

BUT PROBABLY AREN'T....