SIGNS
(please...someone explain that to me)
My wife smoked so much dope in college that Bob Marley had a poster of her on his wall.
(I'm sorry, but that was funny as shit!!!!)
My wife smoked so much dope in college that Bob Marley had a poster of her on his wall.
(I'm sorry, but that was funny as shit!!!!)
The other day I was telling a few "yo mama" jokes when suddenly I start getting called an insensitive bastard.
That's the last time I visit an orphanage.
This year's high school freshmen were born in 1997.
Yeah....I mean damn.
I want to meet this adman...
I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH!!!!
Research proves that three out of four people make up 75% of the population.
???????
Research proves that three out of four people make up 75% of the population.
???????
The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
(interestingly, my blog server won't let me put this - & - without including the other thing with it)
I'll take two.....no....three....
This country doesn't need a fountain of youth,
we need a fountain of smart.
But this young man says it much better than I...
???????????
You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
A ship in port is safe, but that's not what ships are built for.
Think about that a minute.
That reminds me of a book I wrote one time that had a character stop by a store with a sign that read: Fireworks, Live Bait, TV Repair, Notary Public.
Here is the exchange between the customer and the clerk:
Fireworks? - Only during holidays.
Live bait? - They all died.
TV Repair? - It's his day off.
Notary? - I only put that on the sign to draw in customers.
Is it effective? - You're the third one today.
Here is the exchange between the customer and the clerk:
Fireworks? - Only during holidays.
Live bait? - They all died.
TV Repair? - It's his day off.
Notary? - I only put that on the sign to draw in customers.
Is it effective? - You're the third one today.
Electile Dysfunction: The inability to become aroused over any of the choices put forth by either party.
????????????
The human brain has more nerve cells than there are stars in the universe....at least this universe.
In America you can buy a heart attack.
What he heard: I looked and there before me was a pale horse! Its rider was named Death, and Hades was following close behind him.
What she said: Oh, by the way, my mom is coming to stay with us for a couple of months.
If I ever had to run for my life, I would surely die.
PACKAGING
The only dream that comes true is when you dream pee.
"When I discovered YouTube, I didn't work for five days. I did nothing. I viewed "Cookie Moster Sings Chocolate Rain" about 1,000 times."
If women are so good at multitasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?
MISCELLANEOUS
TRUE ADS:
Joining nudist colony...must sell washer and dryer..$100.
Cows for sale: never bred. Also 1 gay bull.
My grandfather started walking five miles a day when he was 60. He's now 96 and we have no idea where the hell he is.
Make sure you read the comments on this....
Being beautiful on the inside is what's important.
NAH....not really.
BRING........OUR........TROOPS.........HOME.......NOW!!!!
Most functions that require a necktie deserve to be slept through.
TOONS OF THE DAY....
One of my very own....
VULNERABLE WOMEN WHO STILL LOOK LIKE SLUTS, BUT PROBABLY AREN'T....
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