STUFF THAT I CAN'T EXPLAIN NO MATTER HOW MUCH I TRY

I like weird images. I present some of the most weird (weirdest?) I have....

NOTE: If you have an explanation for one or more of these images in the comments section, please include WHICH image you are commenting on. It's driving me nuts when I get a comment that says something like "Yeah, that's a frozen dead bird after the plane crash", knowing full well that I have no idea what you are talking about.

Why you should never date anyone with the word Lucifer in their email address....

TRUE:  Tied into a NY Times Sunday crossword today at lunch. I was headed to breaking my world record of 43 minutes when I hit a snag in one little fucking section and didn't make it until 53 minutes.
I was pissed. I take it as a He (crossword creator) Won, and I Lost.

Yeah, there are many angels coming down to earth in chariots in the bible.....go figure....

To discourage people from sitting next to you on any public transportation, just put a bible on the seat and smile broadly at anyone who looks at it.

?????? (kind of reminds me of the Rapture....just...poof)

It's a good sign we're winning the War on Terror when jihadists resort to going after David Letterman.

This may be advisable in....oh....nowhere....but it will get your ass killed where I live.........by me....

How drunk do you have to be????????

And I don't even know how to throw a football up a woman's butt.....I've tried....won't work no matter how motivated you are...

I got most of these correct....let me know your score....

????????.....Penis envy?????

(that actually reminds me of the Barnes and Noble joke from a couple of days ago......heeheeeheeeheeheee)

Good luck, Sparky.....

If you don't play poker with Mel, then this betting reference will be lost on you.......

"Just because you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town."

Meanwhile in Egypt.....

"I like rice. Rice is great when you are hungry and you want...like...2,000 of something."

This is a cat elevator. The cat gets in, it goes to the second floor. He gets in again and it takes him to the ground floor. If I am correct, these are legal grounds to have your mom committed.....or your batshit crazy cat lady neighbor.....

TRUE: In Libya they are celebrating by shooting RPG's in the air......think about that a minute.

Speaking of....

I think it's great the way some people take their own cloth grocery bags with them, then fill them with fruit, meat, bread, etc, all wrapped in plastic. Think about it...every fucking thing in the store is wrapped in plastic.

So, what are the lazy arms crossed bastards in the background doing?

I don't have an expensive cell phone, so I fake it by holding my TV remote to my ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb.

Interesting....

Okay, I love this shit. I want one day to stumble upon one of these.....but......GODDAMN! THIS HAD TO TAKE DAYS!!!!!.....WEEKS!!!!

And the surf was shatted....

(Shatted....what a great fucking word)

There is a very racist joke in here somewhere....

 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!

And a good time was had by.......................none....

I save money by drinking tea instead of beer. In the morning, I create the effects of a hangover by drinking a cup full of cheap dish washing liquid and banging my head repeatedly against the door jamb. 

Okay...what the fuck does this mean....seriously....

"Name the German philosopher who wrote the Critique of Pure Reason."
"Kant."
"Or won't?"
"Won't what?"
"Tell me the philosopher's name."
"Who?"
"Ha! Hu was a 21st century Chinese politician!"
(TRUE: Interestingly, in Wikipedia Kant's religion was listed as Western Philosophy)

Is this what I think it is?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!


I'm not sure if I'm getting older, or if kids today are all fucking retarded.

(You didn't really bob your head with your mouth open did you?)

I avoid parking tickets by leaving my windshield wipers on when I park.

Sometimes I can't tell if someone is racist or just plain stupid.

Due to the earthquake, the Washington Monument now leans to the left causing the Tea Party to question if it was actually built in America.

???????????

The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which bridge to burn.

Talk about thinking outside the box....

Anyone.......anyone.......?

Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out all the names and addresses of people you don't know.

TOONS OF THE DAY....

One of my very own....

CONFUSING WOMEN WHO LOOK LIKE SLUTS,

BUT PROBABLY AREN'T.....

PLEASE...for the love of Two Girls-One Cup, tell me this is chocolate....