Happy Halloween, everybody! I've been sent some pretty cool costume ideas. Enjoy....
I went into a 7/11 and asked for 3 condoms. She asked if I needed a paper bag with them and I said, No, my girlfriend ain't that ugly...you're thinking of my wife.
I saw a bumper sticker today that read:
STOP MANMADE CONTINENTAL DRIFT
TRUE: Twice in one day I had a green light and wanted to turn right, but both times there were pedestrians approaching the crosswalk, so I waited. Both times the people never looked over their shoulder to see if a car was turning. I know they had the right of way, but still....
TRUE: I read a headline today that read: Fire Damages House.......as opposed to the good fire that cleans out your gutters and rakes your yard????
I'm thinking my son-in-law could pull this off...
The Wizard of Oz is the ultimate chick flick....two women trying to kill each other over a pair of shoes.
(Freudian Slip)
I'm so afraid of burglars that when I get home I dress up like a burglar, so if one comes in he will think I got there first.
Can you figure out what her costume is?
Instead of candy, I'm going to hand out can goods that I saved up for all the Raptures that never happened.
Oh, heck, let's do the animals, too....
(That was one of my very own)
People still ask me how I spend my time now that I'm retired. I always say, "Blood Alcohol Experiments".
It all started with serious ads like this...
Some guy told me the old, old joke about the Chinese dropping spoons to name their children.
I said that I had Chinese friends named Tracy and Jake.
He said that must have been some talented spoons.
But the internet loves self-righteous shit like that...
Some guy told me the old, old joke about the Chinese dropping spoons to name their children.
I said that I had Chinese friends named Tracy and Jake.
He said that must have been some talented spoons.
But the internet loves self-righteous shit like that...
There are so many places I haven't been. I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.
I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognized you there.
A woman who isn't comfortable watching you masturbate shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.
When people ask me, "How's life treating you?" I always reply, "Like I ran over its dog."
And my favorite...
DANCE like you have health insurance.
LOVE like you have a right of privacy.
WORK like your tax money won't be spent on war and corporate welfare.
Some charts and stuff...
The trouble with words is that you never know whose mouth they've been in.
Hitler died on April 30th.
Bin Laden died on May 1st.
Voldermort died on May 2nd.
Coincidence? I think not.
A wedding ring cuts all the oxygen to a man's brain.
Don't know...ummmmmmm....
We are free people.
We are free people.
Repeat as required.
I even postpone procrastination.
Some more cake decorating mishaps....
Went to the bar with my wife last night. Everyone kept shouting "pedophile" and other names at me, just because my wife is 21 and I'm over 60.
It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
Shit I bet you didn't know....interesting read....
Friday is the beginning of my liver's work week.
Things to think about....
Speaking of Tequila....
Another profound thought from a famous person...
I know how to make a hormone.
When you pull it out of her ass, wipe your dick on her curtains.
Words of Inspiration....
TOONS TO AMUSE....
One of my very own...
NAKED WOMEN AND LARGE BODIES OF WATER....ALWAYS A CROWD PLEASER....
AND THEN THERE'S THIS....
It was reported that Banksy made his contribution....
1 comment:
Birth year 70, age 40 = 110. I guess i am the 1%
margaret.
Post a Comment