FOLIO OLIO: THE NAUGHTY BITS

Normally I wouldn't put something as corny as this in my blog, but I really didn't have all that many naughty bits items, so....

TRUE: Found this statement resently:
The average North American consumes more than 400 Africans.

You're welcome...

TRUE: This from a young woman:
Back in the old days women sat at home all day and went shopping with their husband's money. But some female rights activists decided to open their stupid mouths and complain and now I'm stuck working my ass off every day of the week. WTF!!!

"You want me to put this in my what?"

Clean water is the world's most precious resourse.
Soooooo....let's shit in it America!!!!!

Ouch!

"Does this outfit make me look gay?"

I was going to make a gay joke here, butt fuck it.

?????

Well, this explains a lot about my wife's cooking habits...

I never knew....

Twin peaks...

Wouldn't it be cool if....oh never mind.

Crossword puzzle clue: Polo ground
Answer: Asia
(yeah, I got it.....would you?)

I once asked my daughter if everyone jumped off a cliff would she do it, and she said she would, since the pile of bodies would break her fall.

From the look on her face, I wouldn't try it on a bet...even...if....she....was....drunk....

I named my hard drive dat ass so once a month my computer asks me if I want to back dat ass up.
(I have no idea what that means...I stole it off the internet)

You learn the most awesome facts from bathroom walls...

For the love of Russell Crowe, bitch, you're are peeing on a cows nose!!!!!!

(that Russell Crowe reference makes no sense people...I just like throwing curves every once and a while)

When your parents accuse you of lying to them, just look them in the eye and say, Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, Tooth Fairy!

A friend of mine went to Times Square for New Year's and discovered that once you got in place you couldn't leave or you weren't allowed back in. Their space had a drain and when someone had to pee the other people would stand in a tight circle facing out and shield the person peeing. I thought that was cool as shit.

(that nor this is a photo of my friend)

"When formulating your response to an argument, try to avoid resorting to petty name calling."
- Richard 'Dick' Weed

These ought to be illegal in that size...

If my job sucked any harder than it does now, I'd orgasm.

(the plates say "burn bras", and I couldn't agree more. You women should have gotten over that shit a long time ago)

I'm glad Chris Cristie decided not to run......I was running out of fat jokes.

If you don't know why this is cool...it is NOT okay...I mean...seriously!!!!

Here, girls and boys, is one of the coolest people on the entire fucking planet....

Mark 4:13: And He invented Man; And everything in Heaven and Earth; Except contraception, and dinosaurs, and gays.

There is a thin line between being honest and being rude.
(I stole that off the internet...but I like it. My advise is to not "tell" but ask....you learn more and they learn more)

Anybody?.......anybody? I mean, what the fuck is a Dam Breast?

The reason I swear so much is because fuck you.

Gentlemen, if you find a woman who can do this, don't marry her, just give her your house and make another date before she changes her mind...